Pregnant and husband is calling me lazy

[Anonymous]

op here: he calls me lazy and says I don't do anything anymore (when I work full time and he doesn't lift a FINGER around the house). When I say I'm tired/feel sick he tells me it's just the pregnancy and to get used to it (the cheek of it), and then when he is ill and says he feels sick, which has been a lot recently (I wonder why) I'm suddenly a horrible wife because I don't rush to cater for his every need fast enough!
he's turning into a really nasty, nasty person and I'm at the end of my tether.Whenever I speak to him about it he says I'm nagging and lazy and it's getting too much. I am so shattered and sick of feeling sick all day, and I come home after struggling at work and find I'm struggling even more at home!

He absolutely wanted this baby. He was the one talking non stop for the last year or so about having a baby!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope all you exhausted women don't have second kids! Will you just never see your firstborn again because you fall asleep the second you get home from work?

Primal difference between taking care of your child and going to the gym. Going to the gym takes a lot more effort, too, than making a pbj sandwich or easy dinner for a child, or sitting with your child and reading a book.

My DH took care of our DC#1 when I was exhausted with my DC#2 and working, but I didn't ignore DC#1.

I worked out pretty hard through pregnancy but had a few weeks in the first trimester where my "workout" was walking from the couch to the bed. The exhaustion is real.

When I was pregnant with #2, DH and my parents did a lot more when I was wiped. It's not that complicated.

[Anonymous]

Show him this thread.

Take him to your next OB appt and have the doc describe what pregnancy is really like.

Sorry you're going through this. fWIW, my husband had more empathy with the second pregnancy once he had seen me and others go through it once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here: he calls me lazy and says I don't do anything anymore (when I work full time and he doesn't lift a FINGER around the house). When I say I'm tired/feel sick he tells me it's just the pregnancy and to get used to it (the cheek of it), and then when he is ill and says he feels sick, which has been a lot recently (I wonder why) I'm suddenly a horrible wife because I don't rush to cater for his every need fast enough!
he's turning into a really nasty, nasty person and I'm at the end of my tether.Whenever I speak to him about it he says I'm nagging and lazy and it's getting too much. I am so shattered and sick of feeling sick all day, and I come home after struggling at work and find I'm struggling even more at home!

He absolutely wanted this baby. He was the one talking non stop for the last year or so about having a baby!!

It won't get better. Leave him before he has any shot at shared custody.

You can have a life but not with him. Run while the getting is good, lawyer up, breastfeed, and keep him the hell out of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here: he calls me lazy and says I don't do anything anymore (when I work full time and he doesn't lift a FINGER around the house). When I say I'm tired/feel sick he tells me it's just the pregnancy and to get used to it (the cheek of it), and then when he is ill and says he feels sick, which has been a lot recently (I wonder why) I'm suddenly a horrible wife because I don't rush to cater for his every need fast enough!
he's turning into a really nasty, nasty person and I'm at the end of my tether.Whenever I speak to him about it he says I'm nagging and lazy and it's getting too much. I am so shattered and sick of feeling sick all day, and I come home after struggling at work and find I'm struggling even more at home!

He absolutely wanted this baby. He was the one talking non stop for the last year or so about having a baby!!

You guys need couples couseling, stat.

The bolded is indicative of him perhaps realizing that he will no longer be the center of your universe. This will NOT improve once the baby arrives.

[Anonymous]

OP, he sounds irredeemably awful. Why are you with him at all?

[Anonymous]

I hate to say this, but it will get 10 times worse once you have the baby. You'll have even less time to do the things he wants and forget about finding time to go to the gym. He'll probably nag you about losing the baby weight and if he's sleep deprived he'll be even more mean. Although from what you describe I don't foresee him helping with the night wakings. You'll probably be doing it all on your own and exhausted. I'm afraid you may get post parfum depression.

My advice is to find yourself a counselor or psychologist for yourself before the baby is born. Maybe later you can do couples counseling if your husband is up for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say this, but it will get 10 times worse once you have the baby. You'll have even less time to do the things he wants and forget about finding time to go to the gym. He'll probably nag you about losing the baby weight and if he's sleep deprived he'll be even more mean. Although from what you describe I don't foresee him helping with the night wakings. You'll probably be doing it all on your own and exhausted. I'm afraid you may get post parfum depression.

My advice is to find yourself a counselor or psychologist for yourself before the baby is born. Maybe later you can do couples counseling if your husband is up for it.

This guy isn't fixable.

OP could use a counselor to help deal with (a) the self-esteem issues that led her to sell herself short and put herself at the mercy of a mean, worthless man; and (b) the inevitable repercussions when a woman leaves an emotionally abusive person. He will not take it well and she needs support.

[Anonymous]

I had a typical arranged marriage. I was very clear about how I wanted my married life to be…my partner to be a friend, someone I can have fun with, and someone with whom I can be myself. When I met my now-husband, the first impression I had after talking to him was that he was a male-chauvinist. I was so young when I married that I didn't know this would be a problem later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I had a typical arranged marriage. I was very clear about how I wanted my married life to be…my partner to be a friend, someone I can have fun with, and someone with whom I can be myself. When I met my now-husband, the first impression I had after talking to him was that he was a male-chauvinist. I was so young when I married that I didn't know this would be a problem later.

Are you the OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here: he calls me lazy and says I don't do anything anymore (when I work full time and he doesn't lift a FINGER around the house). When I say I'm tired/feel sick he tells me it's just the pregnancy and to get used to it (the cheek of it), and then when he is ill and says he feels sick, which has been a lot recently (I wonder why) I'm suddenly a horrible wife because I don't rush to cater for his every need fast enough!
he's turning into a really nasty, nasty person and I'm at the end of my tether.Whenever I speak to him about it he says I'm nagging and lazy and it's getting too much. I am so shattered and sick of feeling sick all day, and I come home after struggling at work and find I'm struggling even more at home!

He absolutely wanted this baby. He was the one talking non stop for the last year or so about having a baby!!

I think we are married to the same man. Is that possible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here: he calls me lazy and says I don't do anything anymore (when I work full time and he doesn't lift a FINGER around the house). When I say I'm tired/feel sick he tells me it's just the pregnancy and to get used to it (the cheek of it), and then when he is ill and says he feels sick, which has been a lot recently (I wonder why) I'm suddenly a horrible wife because I don't rush to cater for his every need fast enough!
he's turning into a really nasty, nasty person and I'm at the end of my tether.Whenever I speak to him about it he says I'm nagging and lazy and it's getting too much. I am so shattered and sick of feeling sick all day, and I come home after struggling at work and find I'm struggling even more at home!

He absolutely wanted this baby. He was the one talking non stop for the last year or so about having a baby!!

Pack your shit and move out. This isn't going to get better once the baby gets here. He's going to expect you to do it all while he does nothing and coasts on the labor that you are putting into the house and child raising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I had a typical arranged marriage. I was very clear about how I wanted my married life to be…my partner to be a friend, someone I can have fun with, and someone with whom I can be myself. When I met my now-husband, the first impression I had after talking to him was that he was a male-chauvinist. I was so young when I married that I didn't know this would be a problem later.

Divorce is also an option for arrange marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I had a typical arranged marriage. I was very clear about how I wanted my married life to be…my partner to be a friend, someone I can have fun with, and someone with whom I can be myself. When I met my now-husband, the first impression I had after talking to him was that he was a male-chauvinist. I was so young when I married that I didn't know this would be a problem later.

Are you the OP?

Yes

[Anonymous]

Can you ask your mother for advice?