Ethics of adoption

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an honest question. How can parents be coerced into placing their child for adoption?

They are all coerced "in hindsight"

Hmm. Let's see. Vulnerable woman with little or no social support turns to a deceptively "neutral" agency that lauds the good act of placing one's child for adoption and warns of ruin should the woman choose to keep and raise the kid. Abortion, of course, is out of the question.

Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an honest question. How can parents be coerced into placing their child for adoption?

They are all coerced "in hindsight"

Especially after their biological children track them down...who wants to admit they chose their own life goals to raising a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an honest question. How can parents be coerced into placing their child for adoption?

They are all coerced "in hindsight"

Hmm. Let's see. Vulnerable woman with little or no social support turns to a deceptively "neutral" agency that lauds the good act of placing one's child for adoption and warns of ruin should the woman choose to keep and raise the kid. Abortion, of course, is out of the question.

Seriously?

You are ignorant if you think EVERY agency acts this way. I purposefully chose a Catholic agency b/c they approach this from a mental health perspective and are not for profit. They are not in need of babies to "sell" to stay in business. They actually DO try to find birth parents the resources they need to parent effectively if that is their choice and they explore that option with every client who approaches them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read it. I found it to be pretty one-sided. I think changing the waiting period for adoption revocation is a terrible idea, and ignores the needs of the child. A baby needs to immediately bond with its parent- whether that is the birth parent or an adoptive parent- not be ping-ponged back and forth.
The article did not make any attempt to get alternate perspectives- it only looked at those who regretted adoption.

The fetus has already bonded in utero and studies have shown the baby suffers when birth mother and baby are separated. Women who have babies born out of wedlock are no longer ostracized and society should do all it can to keep these women and their babies together. It is not the job of any woman to be a brood mare for infertile couples. Adopting children from other countries is a travesty because these babies will never know or understand their hereditary culture, extended families or their mother tongue.

I somehow can't agree that being adopted by a nice U.S. family is worse than existing in a sub-standard third-world orphanage till about 18 and then fending for yourself the best way you can. No culture or tongue is worth it. Neither is extended family if they allowed the child to be raised by a public institution rather than accepting him into their family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an honest question. How can parents be coerced into placing their child for adoption?

They are all coerced "in hindsight"

Especially after their biological children track them down...who wants to admit they chose their own life goals to raising a child.

Or you could look at it as they chose to give their child the best possible life because if they did choose to parent, then finishing their education and decent employment would have been impossible. Or that they are a meth addict who will never be in a position to parent effectively anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an honest question. How can parents be coerced into placing their child for adoption?

A variety of reasons from false promises, to saying it is only temporary, to doing back door ways of getting custody of a child, being lied to, not being told everything/explain process, etc. Or, them changing their mind within revocation and preadopt family refuses to return the child and because the courts take so long, they generally leave the kids with claiming the kids are bonded, etc. Or, not having a revocation period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an honest question. How can parents be coerced into placing their child for adoption?

They are all coerced "in hindsight"

Hmm. Let's see. Vulnerable woman with little or no social support turns to a deceptively "neutral" agency that lauds the good act of placing one's child for adoption and warns of ruin should the woman choose to keep and raise the kid. Abortion, of course, is out of the question.

Seriously?

We met our birthmother AND HER MOM in the hospital room. I still can't figure out what all these sanctimonious people think should happen to the children if the parent isn't going to parent the child. Please, would one of you tell me, what option do you see? Are you advocating forcing women to be parents when they don't want to or can't?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an honest question. How can parents be coerced into placing their child for adoption?

They are all coerced "in hindsight"

Hmm. Let's see. Vulnerable woman with little or no social support turns to a deceptively "neutral" agency that lauds the good act of placing one's child for adoption and warns of ruin should the woman choose to keep and raise the kid. Abortion, of course, is out of the question.

Seriously?

Well if she has little to no social support, isn't it a good choice to place the child for adoption? I mean she is at an adoption agency. If she were at an abortion clinic they wouldn't talk about adoption and raising the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an honest question. How can parents be coerced into placing their child for adoption?

They are all coerced "in hindsight"

Hmm. Let's see. Vulnerable woman with little or no social support turns to a deceptively "neutral" agency that lauds the good act of placing one's child for adoption and warns of ruin should the woman choose to keep and raise the kid. Abortion, of course, is out of the question.

Seriously?

We met our birthmother AND HER MOM in the hospital room. I still can't figure out what all these sanctimonious people think should happen to the children if the parent isn't going to parent the child. Please, would one of you tell me, what option do you see? Are you advocating forcing women to be parents when they don't want to or can't?

To add to my post, our birthmother is parenting 2 children that were born before our son. She is fully aware of how to keep and raise a baby if she chooses. She said that all her children would suffer if she tried to raise this one (our son) also due to particular, personal circumstances. She was a mom doing her best to look out for all her kids the best way she knew how.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an honest question. How can parents be coerced into placing their child for adoption?

They are all coerced "in hindsight"

Especially after their biological children track them down...who wants to admit they chose their own life goals to raising a child.

Or you could look at it as they chose to give their child the best possible life because if they did choose to parent, then finishing their education and decent employment would have been impossible. Or that they are a meth addict who will never be in a position to parent effectively anyway.

None of what you just posted sounds like coercion. It sounds like they made a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an honest question. How can parents be coerced into placing their child for adoption?

They are all coerced "in hindsight"

Especially after their biological children track them down...who wants to admit they chose their own life goals to raising a child.

Or you could look at it as they chose to give their child the best possible life because if they did choose to parent, then finishing their education and decent employment would have been impossible. Or that they are a meth addict who will never be in a position to parent effectively anyway.

None of what you just posted sounds like coercion. It sounds like they made a choice.

+ 1 it was a choice not coercion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an honest question. How can parents be coerced into placing their child for adoption?

A variety of reasons from false promises, to saying it is only temporary, to doing back door ways of getting custody of a child, being lied to, not being told everything/explain process, etc. Or, them changing their mind within revocation and preadopt family refuses to return the child and because the courts take so long, they generally leave the kids with claiming the kids are bonded, etc. Or, not having a revocation period.

Are you actually aware of the laws governing adoption?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an honest question. How can parents be coerced into placing their child for adoption?

A variety of reasons from false promises, to saying it is only temporary, to doing back door ways of getting custody of a child, being lied to, not being told everything/explain process, etc. Or, them changing their mind within revocation and preadopt family refuses to return the child and because the courts take so long, they generally leave the kids with claiming the kids are bonded, etc. Or, not having a revocation period.

Okay, I'm really trying to understand here.

If you are going to sign away your parental rights, then it is on you to know the process and fight for your rights if you do change your mind during revocation. This is your choice, why is it that a woman who chooses adoption is being coerced and is just a dumb little thing that can be manipulated but a woman choosing abortion is empowered and has all the facts.

I get having a change of heart later, but calling it coercion to make yourself feel better isn't doing anyone any good.

[Anonymous]

Our child's birth parents were older than we were, used drugs, had placed several other kids for adoption, never asked to meet us, never asked for a picture. Adoption scenarios differ greatly from the stereotypes so many of you are trying so desperately to promote as the one and only reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an honest question. How can parents be coerced into placing their child for adoption?

They are all coerced "in hindsight"

Hmm. Let's see. Vulnerable woman with little or no social support turns to a deceptively "neutral" agency that lauds the good act of placing one's child for adoption and warns of ruin should the woman choose to keep and raise the kid. Abortion, of course, is out of the question.

Seriously?

You are ignorant if you think EVERY agency acts this way. I purposefully chose a Catholic agency b/c they approach this from a mental health perspective and are not for profit. They are not in need of babies to "sell" to stay in business. They actually DO try to find birth parents the resources they need to parent effectively if that is their choice and they explore that option with every client who approaches them.

sorry but Catholic agencies are the worst. They use a lot of guilt and shame to push women to place. what they do is actively promote adoption first over abortion and then when that fails move on to providing resources for raising the child.

I am an adoptive mom but I don't think any adoption agency is really going to provide the level of counseling or service truly needed to guide a woman to making a choice to place or not.