would this possession of money offend you?

[Anonymous]

If anyone should be offended, it is OP's DH. They can't really afford to give this money to her parents, will now owe his BIL (ok, his wife) and have that debt/favor hanging over his head until it is paid back (without interest, no doubt, so the favor remains). Now his wife is pissed off that they don't make more money so she can't do this gift outright. Happy Father's Day, indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If anyone should be offended, it is OP's DH. They can't really afford to give this money to her parents, will now owe his BIL (ok, his wife) and have that debt/favor hanging over his head until it is paid back (without interest, no doubt, so the favor remains). Now his wife is pissed off that they don't make more money so she can't do this gift outright. Happy Father's Day, indeed.

+1

I would be very irked if my DH had to borrow money from my sibling's spouse in order to fund his parents' retirement needs.

[Anonymous]

This is something which OP definitely should have discussed with DH first before she offered to contribute any more than what she and DH felt they could contribute. OP really did not put the financial well-being of her immediate family first. While your folks were fair to all of their children, the fact remains that the earning power of all of the siblings and jsut life responsibilities are not always equal. The siblings should have realized that while the plan looked good on paper, it might not be doable for all concerned to pay the same amount. My thought is that if one BIL/SIL were willing and financially able to contribute more, then a legal document could have been written up that they would receive the difference in the amount they contributed in the future from any estate.

I think at this point OP and DH need to sit down privately with SIL/BIL and present a reasonable plan for repayment which may well need to be longer than one might expect as this loan should be paid back, and I would suggest a legally binding loan agreement with a notary indicating the amount borrowed and how repayment will happen. From now on out, OP is going to have to be able to speak up if "the siblings" have other plans about what is needed for the folks. I have four brothers who are dentists and we would never have been in the same financial ball park to contribute in a similar circumstance, and I certainly would not have gone into debt nor felt bad about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This is something which OP definitely should have discussed with DH first before she offered to contribute any more than what she and DH felt they could contribute. OP really did not put the financial well-being of her immediate family first. While your folks were fair to all of their children, the fact remains that the earning power of all of the siblings and jsut life responsibilities are not always equal. The siblings should have realized that while the plan looked good on paper, it might not be doable for all concerned to pay the same amount. My thought is that if one BIL/SIL were willing and financially able to contribute more, then a legal document could have been written up that they would receive the difference in the amount they contributed in the future from any estate.

I think at this point OP and DH need to sit down privately with SIL/BIL and present a reasonable plan for repayment which may well need to be longer than one might expect as this loan should be paid back, and I would suggest a legally binding loan agreement with a notary indicating the amount borrowed and how repayment will happen. From now on out, OP is going to have to be able to speak up if "the siblings" have other plans about what is needed for the folks. I have four brothers who are dentists and we would never have been in the same financial ball park to contribute in a similar circumstance, and I certainly would not have gone into debt nor felt bad about it.

Did the OP indicate that she was married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This is something which OP definitely should have discussed with DH first before she offered to contribute any more than what she and DH felt they could contribute. OP really did not put the financial well-being of her immediate family first. While your folks were fair to all of their children, the fact remains that the earning power of all of the siblings and jsut life responsibilities are not always equal. The siblings should have realized that while the plan looked good on paper, it might not be doable for all concerned to pay the same amount. My thought is that if one BIL/SIL were willing and financially able to contribute more, then a legal document could have been written up that they would receive the difference in the amount they contributed in the future from any estate.

I think at this point OP and DH need to sit down privately with SIL/BIL and present a reasonable plan for repayment which may well need to be longer than one might expect as this loan should be paid back, and I would suggest a legally binding loan agreement with a notary indicating the amount borrowed and how repayment will happen. From now on out, OP is going to have to be able to speak up if "the siblings" have other plans about what is needed for the folks. I have four brothers who are dentists and we would never have been in the same financial ball park to contribute in a similar circumstance, and I certainly would not have gone into debt nor felt bad about it.

Did the OP indicate that she was married?

She mentioned in her OP that her parents paid for all of their weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If anyone should be offended, it is OP's DH. They can't really afford to give this money to her parents, will now owe his BIL (ok, his wife) and have that debt/favor hanging over his head until it is paid back (without interest, no doubt, so the favor remains). Now his wife is pissed off that they don't make more money so she can't do this gift outright. Happy Father's Day, indeed.

+1

I would be very irked if my DH had to borrow money from my sibling's spouse in order to fund his parents' retirement needs.

YES! I wouldn't give money I don't have to other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I shared my inheritance with dh,

Glad that works for you.

Why would that not work for you?

[Anonymous]

It's her money++ Accept the terms and pay them back, or if you can't afford to help your parents, say so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I shared my inheritance with dh,

Glad that works for you.

Why would that not work for you?

I am the PP who posted on 6/12 at 21:17 and again on 6/15 at 08:28. It would not work for me because it is important for me to keep my inheritance separate from marital property, for the reasons I explained in the second of my two posts.

If it works for others, great. But it would not work for me.

[Anonymous]

I note OP hasn't been back since we started asking what her plans were to pay her SIL back.

[Anonymous]

I do not understand this at all. Mortgage interest rates are so low. I am paying less than 4%. How does paying off dad's mortgage let him retire? Wouldn't it make more sense to have the siblings pay the mortgage... rather than take their assets and pay it off all at once?

Also, I think it is improper for family members to expect family members of not-equal means to all contribute equally. I would not ask any member of my family (including an in-law) to "borrow" money from me to support that family member. That makes no sense to me. I agree that the sibling was hinting that they actually want that money back--that it truly is a loan that is supposed to be repaid. But if their sibling could not afford it, they should not have asked for an agreement that involved something their sibling could not afford.

OP, if you are still reading, I'd pay that money back just as quick as you can. And then next time you are asked to kick in money that you don't have to support your parents, say "I am sorry but I cannot afford it."

[Anonymous]

PP here so the mortgage is now 48,000? (4 siblings at 12 K each). How does paying that off enable someone to retire? I just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

OP, do not borrow money from family! Go to a bank or credit union.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here so the mortgage is now 48,000? (4 siblings at 12 K each). How does paying that off enable someone to retire? I just don't get it.

Really? Not having a mortgage or rent payment ever again wouldn't be a big financial boost for you? He might be eligible to retire now but the size of his pension/ssi wasn't enough with the mortgage payment. Maybe now with that gone they can cover their other basic needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's super nice your SIL is willing to help out your family. Send her a nice card telling her how much this means to you.

And another yes, your brother is right.

+1