would this possession of money offend you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My siblings and I have decided to each pitch in 12k and pay off my parents mortgage. This would enable my dad to retire which is needed because of his declining health. My parents paid for all 4 of us to go to college and paid for our weddings so we all feel like this is our opportunity to pay them back. My sister in law has a decent amount of money from a tech start up she was apart of over 15 years ago and this makes my brother and her the wealthiest of us siblings. I am "borrowing" 6k from them and will pay them back when I can. This means I am giving 6k and they will give 18k to even out the proportions. I told my brother "hey thanks I appreciate this."and he said this: "No problem but don't thank me thank SIL its her money that enables us to do this!". I was kind of taken aback and light heartedly said "ya well its your money since you're married."and he pushed back "ummm well I didn't know SIL in 1998 so this is most definitely her money." and kinda laughed it off. I was really offended he would make it a gift from "her" and not "them". It makes me feel like Im taking out a loan vs borrowing from family. Am I right to be offended?

I have reread the initial post.
I think that the OP differentiates "borrowing" different from a loan in thinking that she would delay repaying the $$$$ "borrowed" forever and the family will have no choice but suck it up.
Her brother hinted on the necessity of paying this sum back very cleverly. Good on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My siblings and I have decided to each pitch in 12k and pay off my parents mortgage. This would enable my dad to retire which is needed because of his declining health. My parents paid for all 4 of us to go to college and paid for our weddings so we all feel like this is our opportunity to pay them back. My sister in law has a decent amount of money from a tech start up she was apart of over 15 years ago and this makes my brother and her the wealthiest of us siblings. I am "borrowing" 6k from them and will pay them back when I can. This means I am giving 6k and they will give 18k to even out the proportions. I told my brother "hey thanks I appreciate this."and he said this: "No problem but don't thank me thank SIL its her money that enables us to do this!". I was kind of taken aback and light heartedly said "ya well its your money since you're married."and he pushed back "ummm well I didn't know SIL in 1998 so this is most definitely her money." and kinda laughed it off. I was really offended he would make it a gift from "her" and not "them". It makes me feel like Im taking out a loan vs borrowing from family. Am I right to be offended?

I have reread the initial post.
I think that the OP differentiates "borrowing" different from a loan in thinking that she would delay repaying the $$$$ "borrowed" forever and the family will have no choice but suck it up.
Her brother hinted on the necessity of paying this sum back very cleverly. Good on him.

Yup, that's how I interpreted as well.


Op you are taking out a loan and you need to give them a date as to when the amount borrowed will be fully paid back. Will it be in 3 months, 6 months, your next tax return? You sound relaxed by saying "when I get a chance". To me, that sounds like never because you plan on having higher priorities when you get some money. How convenient.

[Anonymous]

Sil sounds awesome. She and bro are kicking in $12k and she's kicking in $6k of her money to help the FIL retire. Op is ticked her brother is giving his wife proper credit for going above and beyond their obligation to help OP's dad. OP is such a chump lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YOU'RE borrowing the money and think you have the right to be offended? Oy. FTR, my DH and I have been married for 13 years and have separate accounts!

Yeah

OP, be thankful you are able to help your parents. They sound like people who deserve it. You're doing a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is right, it is her money and not her mom. You should be thanking both of them, especially her. Personally I'd never take a loan from family nor would I agree to something I cannot afford.

+1

I inherited money from my mom. She left it to me, not to DH and me. It is my money, not our money.

l

Wow. Just, wow.

Why?
I wish I had $$$$ of my own to spend as I please. I would have sent our kids to private schools in colleges. As it stands, they are destined for public colleges (which are great in VA, but I wish they didn't have to be so constrained in their choice).
I would also have helped out my sibling or at least opened an account for their kid's education. If I wanted to do this now, my spouse would argue and try to prevent me from doing that.

PP who inherited money here. That is exactly my approach. I am not a spendthrift, but from time to time stuff happens and I want to spend money on it without needing to be in sync with DH. The private college example is a good one, because without my mom's money, we can afford in-state MD public schools (plus a little more), but not private ones. If we can pull it off by me dipping into my mom's money, that would be great.

Beyond that, I have seen a couple of ugly divorce situations with my sister and a friend, sufficient to make me want to have my own resources beyond our joint ones. (I do work and in fact, make most of the HHI.) I don't think our marriage will end, but who does? My mom worked very hard for this money - I'm going to be as careful with it as she was.

Inherited money is also not considered part of joint assets unless it is commingled. I also inherited a decent sized property in another state and I love my DH to the ends of the earth, but...I still just keep that asset managed separately. Because you never do know if he's going to run off with some pretty young thing and I will always have that place I can live, and/or sell and pay for my kids' college. I absolutely do not ever expect that to happen but it is nice to know I've got a safety net if it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My siblings and I have decided to each pitch in 12k and pay off my parents mortgage. This would enable my dad to retire which is needed because of his declining health. My parents paid for all 4 of us to go to college and paid for our weddings so we all feel like this is our opportunity to pay them back. My sister in law has a decent amount of money from a tech start up she was apart of over 15 years ago and this makes my brother and her the wealthiest of us siblings. I am "borrowing" 6k from them and will pay them back when I can. This means I am giving 6k and they will give 18k to even out the proportions. I told my brother "hey thanks I appreciate this."and he said this: "No problem but don't thank me thank SIL its her money that enables us to do this!". I was kind of taken aback and light heartedly said "ya well its your money since you're married."and he pushed back "ummm well I didn't know SIL in 1998 so this is most definitely her money." and kinda laughed it off. I was really offended he would make it a gift from "her" and not "them". It makes me feel like Im taking out a loan vs borrowing from family. Am I right to be offended?

I have reread the initial post.
I think that the OP differentiates "borrowing" different from a loan in thinking that she would delay repaying the $$$$ "borrowed" forever and the family will have no choice but suck it up.
Her brother hinted on the necessity of paying this sum back very cleverly. Good on him.

This didn't occur to me originally, but the more I think about the OP, the more I agree that this is probably right. Sounds like OP's brother has her number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My siblings and I have decided to each pitch in 12k and pay off my parents mortgage. This would enable my dad to retire which is needed because of his declining health. My parents paid for all 4 of us to go to college and paid for our weddings so we all feel like this is our opportunity to pay them back. My sister in law has a decent amount of money from a tech start up she was apart of over 15 years ago and this makes my brother and her the wealthiest of us siblings. I am "borrowing" 6k from them and will pay them back when I can. This means I am giving 6k and they will give 18k to even out the proportions. I told my brother "hey thanks I appreciate this."and he said this: "No problem but don't thank me thank SIL its her money that enables us to do this!". I was kind of taken aback and light heartedly said "ya well its your money since you're married."and he pushed back "ummm well I didn't know SIL in 1998 so this is most definitely her money." and kinda laughed it off. I was really offended he would make it a gift from "her" and not "them". It makes me feel like Im taking out a loan vs borrowing from family. Am I right to be offended?

I have reread the initial post.
I think that the OP differentiates "borrowing" different from a loan in thinking that she would delay repaying the $$$$ "borrowed" forever and the family will have no choice but suck it up.
Her brother hinted on the necessity of paying this sum back very cleverly. Good on him.

This didn't occur to me originally, but the more I think about the OP, the more I agree that this is probably right. Sounds like OP's brother has her number.

Ditto.

[Anonymous]

PPs are correct. For OP, it is the difference between

Anonymous wrote:taking out a loan vs borrowing from family.

The former requires repayment but OP doesn't think the latter does. But OP is not totally lost, she only wanted to stiff her sibling, not her sister in law.

[Anonymous]

WHAT THE HELL ?

[Anonymous]

I'm on the bro side! I think married people should 100% share money, but money from assets sold before marriage is definitely hers. Also inheritance is 100% that persons also. I stand to come into an inheritance and it's going to be mine to manage. I share my salary with DH.

[Anonymous]

I shared my inheritance with dh,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I shared my inheritance with dh,

Glad that works for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am "borrowing" 6k from them and will pay them back when I can.

You're not "borrowing" the money; you're borrowing it.

[Anonymous]

OP, in all seriousness, what is your plan to pay back this loan? Not "when I can" but how much will you be sending your brother and SIL every month starting next month? Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am "borrowing" 6k from them and will pay them back when I can.

You're not "borrowing" the money; you're borrowing it.

+1. OP sounds like she is planning on taking advantage of her brother.