would this possession of money offend you?

[Anonymous]

My siblings and I have decided to each pitch in 12k and pay off my parents mortgage. This would enable my dad to retire which is needed because of his declining health. My parents paid for all 4 of us to go to college and paid for our weddings so we all feel like this is our opportunity to pay them back. My sister in law has a decent amount of money from a tech start up she was apart of over 15 years ago and this makes my brother and her the wealthiest of us siblings. I am "borrowing" 6k from them and will pay them back when I can. This means I am giving 6k and they will give 18k to even out the proportions. I told my brother "hey thanks I appreciate this."and he said this: "No problem but don't thank me thank SIL its her money that enables us to do this!". I was kind of taken aback and light heartedly said "ya well its your money since you're married."and he pushed back "ummm well I didn't know SIL in 1998 so this is most definitely her money." and kinda laughed it off. I was really offended he would make it a gift from "her" and not "them". It makes me feel like Im taking out a loan vs borrowing from family. Am I right to be offended?

[Anonymous]

No. He's right, it's her money. Don't turn this into an issue about you and her. Everyone wants to do a nice thing for your parents so let it go. And don't forget to pay it back when you can.

[Anonymous]

Uh... Sorry, but I am with your bro on this one. It is HER money, technically speaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My siblings and I have decided to each pitch in 12k and pay off my parents mortgage. This would enable my dad to retire which is needed because of his declining health. My parents paid for all 4 of us to go to college and paid for our weddings so we all feel like this is our opportunity to pay them back. My sister in law has a decent amount of money from a tech start up she was apart of over 15 years ago and this makes my brother and her the wealthiest of us siblings. I am "borrowing" 6k from them and will pay them back when I can. This means I am giving 6k and they will give 18k to even out the proportions. I told my brother "hey thanks I appreciate this."and he said this: "No problem but don't thank me thank SIL its her money that enables us to do this!". I was kind of taken aback and light heartedly said "ya well its your money since you're married."and he pushed back "ummm well I didn't know SIL in 1998 so this is most definitely her money." and kinda laughed it off. I was really offended he would make it a gift from "her" and not "them". It makes me feel like Im taking out a loan vs borrowing from family. Am I right to be offended?

Don't be offended but thank her personally, if you feel it's necessary to thank someone. I don't think you need to since it is family, a loan, and benefitting your parents. Your brother obviously doesn't feel ownership of the money his wife brought into the marriage. That's between them.

[Anonymous]

YOU'RE borrowing the money and think you have the right to be offended? Oy. FTR, my DH and I have been married for 13 years and have separate accounts!

[Anonymous]

He's right. You're looking into this too much and have no reason to be offended.

I brought money into my marriage. My trusts can be used for things DH and I both enjoy (house) but they are definitely not his.

[Anonymous]

Why would you be ofended? I agree with pp that he is correct that it's his wife's money. Don't get in the middle and pay back the money as promised.

[Anonymous]

Would you be equally offended if it was your stay at home mom sister and her husband with a high paying job?

[Anonymous]

He is right, it is her money and not her mom. You should be thanking both of them, especially her. Personally I'd never take a loan from family nor would I agree to something I cannot afford.

[Anonymous]

I think it's super nice your SIL is willing to help out your family. Send her a nice card telling her how much this means to you.

And another yes, your brother is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. He's right, it's her money. Don't turn this into an issue about you and her. Everyone wants to do a nice thing for your parents so let it go. And don't forget to pay it back when you can.

+1

[Anonymous]

Are you looking for an excuse to become offended so that you don't have to pay back the money? Btw this is a loan. A family loan but still a legal obligation at zero percent interest. Your SIL is being extremely caring in providing money for your father's well being and you don't want to give credit where it is due. Do not nake her generosity become a conflict within the family because you are jealous or because you don't appreciate that some couples divide money into his, hers, and theirs.

[Anonymous]

Even if you disagree with him on how a married couple should view their money, there is zero reason here for you to be offended. They've offered no judgment on you, they've done nothing to harm you, it's really self-absorbed to make this about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh... Sorry, but I am with your bro on this one. It is HER money, technically speaking.

This
And OP, you sound weird.

[Anonymous]

Of course it's her money! She earned it before they were married! If she's smart, she has a prenup.