Nephew broke my cell phone screen. Deduct repair from his graduation gift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nephew shattered my cell phone screen today. I'm pretty pissed because I use it for business and he really had to go out of his way to do this. The phone was in my office, IN MY PURSE. He says he was looking for my sister's shoes.

Anyway, he graduates this month. I'd planned on giving him $250. Should I deduct the cost of this repair from his gift?

tell your sister to help you with the phone. keep the graduation thing separate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Couldn't find my post for a while. To answer some questions:

-The shoes are high heels. I had them on earlier in the day and took them off when I changed into flats. When I got home, we had a dinner gathering and I put my purse in my office.
-Nephew was looking for *another* sister's shoes, not his Mom's (she wasn't over).
-Nephew was genuinely sorry and a bit nervous to tell me what happened. We have an extremely close relationship. More like mother/son, so I chastise and punish him like I do my own children!
-Yes, I was pissed at myself for dropping my phone. But not sure why that matters when *I* paid for the repair. He doesn't have a job, so no money coming from that side. And, honestly, I wouldn't take it. And I wouldn't expect my sister to pay for her adult son's clumsiness.

I hate phone protectors (so bulky), but screw it. I'm getting one now. Repair cost me $190. I'm gonna give him $100 which is a more reasonable graduation gift amount anyway.

You wouldn't take the money for the repair if he had it and offered it to you, but you take the money for the selfsame repair out of his graduation gift? It sounds like a very weird reasoning to me.

+1. I don't understand the thinking.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are a fool for not having a decent case for your phone, like a normal person. Especially if you just paid to have the screen fixed.

[Anonymous]

Go on eBay for cases, they are MUCH cheaper than you will find in stores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Couldn't find my post for a while. To answer some questions:

-The shoes are high heels. I had them on earlier in the day and took them off when I changed into flats. When I got home, we had a dinner gathering and I put my purse in my office.
-Nephew was looking for *another* sister's shoes, not his Mom's (she wasn't over).
-Nephew was genuinely sorry and a bit nervous to tell me what happened. We have an extremely close relationship. More like mother/son, so I chastise and punish him like I do my own children!
-Yes, I was pissed at myself for dropping my phone. But not sure why that matters when *I* paid for the repair. He doesn't have a job, so no money coming from that side. And, honestly, I wouldn't take it. And I wouldn't expect my sister to pay for her adult son's clumsiness.

I hate phone protectors (so bulky), but screw it. I'm getting one now. Repair cost me $190. I'm gonna give him $100 which is a more reasonable graduation gift amount anyway.

You wouldn't take the money for the repair if he had it and offered it to you, but you take the money for the selfsame repair out of his graduation gift? It sounds like a very weird reasoning to me.

OP here. It's different to me. His money is "his" money. Any gift I'd planned is MY money until I give it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Couldn't find my post for a while. To answer some questions:

-The shoes are high heels. I had them on earlier in the day and took them off when I changed into flats. When I got home, we had a dinner gathering and I put my purse in my office.
-Nephew was looking for *another* sister's shoes, not his Mom's (she wasn't over).
-Nephew was genuinely sorry and a bit nervous to tell me what happened. We have an extremely close relationship. More like mother/son, so I chastise and punish him like I do my own children!
-Yes, I was pissed at myself for dropping my phone. But not sure why that matters when *I* paid for the repair. He doesn't have a job, so no money coming from that side. And, honestly, I wouldn't take it. And I wouldn't expect my sister to pay for her adult son's clumsiness.

I hate phone protectors (so bulky), but screw it. I'm getting one now. Repair cost me $190. I'm gonna give him $100 which is a more reasonable graduation gift amount anyway.

You wouldn't take the money for the repair if he had it and offered it to you, but you take the money for the selfsame repair out of his graduation gift? It sounds like a very weird reasoning to me.

OP here. It's different to me. His money is "his" money. Any gift I'd planned is MY money until I give it.

It sounds like you are just trying to give yourself permission to give him a smaller graduation gift. Just give him the $100. Are you going to tell him that you withheld 250 for the phone, or are you just going to keep the resentment to yourself?

[Anonymous]

If it's your work phone, isn't there some sort of insurance on it? At the VERY least, the best case that money can buy?

[Anonymous]

He's 19? What exactly is he graduating from? And $250 is an awfully generous gift....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Couldn't find my post for a while. To answer some questions:

-The shoes are high heels. I had them on earlier in the day and took them off when I changed into flats. When I got home, we had a dinner gathering and I put my purse in my office.
-Nephew was looking for *another* sister's shoes, not his Mom's (she wasn't over).
-Nephew was genuinely sorry and a bit nervous to tell me what happened. We have an extremely close relationship. More like mother/son, so I chastise and punish him like I do my own children!
-Yes, I was pissed at myself for dropping my phone. But not sure why that matters when *I* paid for the repair. He doesn't have a job, so no money coming from that side. And, honestly, I wouldn't take it. And I wouldn't expect my sister to pay for her adult son's clumsiness.

I hate phone protectors (so bulky), but screw it. I'm getting one now. Repair cost me $190. I'm gonna give him $100 which is a more reasonable graduation gift amount anyway.

You wouldn't take the money for the repair if he had it and offered it to you, but you take the money for the selfsame repair out of his graduation gift? It sounds like a very weird reasoning to me.

OP here. It's different to me. His money is "his" money. Any gift I'd planned is MY money until I give it.

It sounds like you are just trying to give yourself permission to give him a smaller graduation gift. Just give him the $100. Are you going to tell him that you withheld 250 for the phone, or are you just going to keep the resentment to yourself?

This.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't he have a job to pay for it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nephew shattered my cell phone screen today. I'm pretty pissed because I use it for business and he really had to go out of his way to do this. The phone was in my office, IN MY PURSE. He says he was looking for my sister's shoes.

Anyway, he graduates this month. I'd planned on giving him $250. Should I deduct the cost of this repair from his gift?

Don't give him anything for graduation. He was looking to steal money. Since when do you let a punk rummage through your purse like that? His mother is the adult and should reimburse you for the phone. The fact that this wasn't done automatically and the brat disciplined is a sign that you have a fucked up family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would deduct it. $250 is A LOT for a graduation gift anyway. I'd try and get to the bottom of why he was in my office, going through my purse, and touching my phone. He was lying when he said he was looking for shoes. I'd go through my purse and office to see what else is broken or missing. He was probably looking for money.

OP here. I have no doubt that he was being honest about this. I had shoes in my purse and I guess he pulled them out thinking they were hers. He's just clumsy as hell. I swear, every time he's over he breaks or drops something. I still have a hole in my drywall from him goofing around.

I'm just REALLY pissed. My phone just got repaired about a month ago from when I dropped it. Now, here we go again. And it's totally non-functional. Pretty sure the LCD is done because the screen won't even come on.

Your nephew isn't clumsy. He's a destructive sociopath. There can't possibly be an effective father figure for him in this picture. Your sister has already ruined this young criminal and the last thing in the world you should do is give him money. Stop being an enabler. A 19 year old man who goes into a woman's purse without her permission is not looking for shoes.

[Anonymous]

Ok. The punk was lying about what happened. He was rifling through the purse to see what he could steal. When he pulled out OPs shoes the phone flew out and broke. He made up the story after the fact because he saw a pair of shoes in the purse and had to think quick. Once the phone broke he knew he needed a cover story for going in your purse. Had it not broke you would have never known he had rifled.through it and if you were missing some cash you would just figure "Gee I thought I had $40 not $20 in there".

Obviously it's all sisters moms and aunties, no adult males to keep him in line. Because they're all in jail, or with other baby mommas. Well he'll surely soon be joining them because he's no longer a juvenile and sooner or later he will put his fingers in the wrong purse or wallet and get them chopped off.

[Anonymous]

I would ask for him to repay you for it but still give the gift. The gift is being given because you love him and want to honor his accomplishment. Don't make that love contingent on his behavior. He should be taught responsibility, yes, but there is no need for you to make your love conditional.

[Anonymous]

^Yes because everyone knows money = love.

OP, the best gift you could give to your nephew is nothing with an explanation of why.