Nephew broke my cell phone screen. Deduct repair from his graduation gift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would deduct it. $250 is A LOT for a graduation gift anyway. I'd try and get to the bottom of why he was in my office, going through my purse, and touching my phone. He was lying when he said he was looking for shoes. I'd go through my purse and office to see what else is broken or missing. He was probably looking for money.

OP here. I have no doubt that he was being honest about this. I had shoes in my purse and I guess he pulled them out thinking they were hers. He's just clumsy as hell. I swear, every time he's over he breaks or drops something. I still have a hole in my drywall from him goofing around.

I'm just REALLY pissed. My phone just got repaired about a month ago from when I dropped it. Now, here we go again. And it's totally non-functional. Pretty sure the LCD is done because the screen won't even come on.

He's old enough to offer to get it fixed but your anger is unreasonable. He was asked to look for his mother's shoes. He sees shoes in your purse - he may not even have known it was your purse and even if he did, I'm sure he thought it odd to have shoes in a purse. If you're going to store your phone where you store your shoes, it's likely that your phone will fall out when you pull your shoes out. It sounds like you're carrying around a lot of baggage about him. Poor kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would deduct it. $250 is A LOT for a graduation gift anyway. I'd try and get to the bottom of why he was in my office, going through my purse, and touching my phone. He was lying when he said he was looking for shoes. I'd go through my purse and office to see what else is broken or missing. He was probably looking for money.

OP here. I have no doubt that he was being honest about this. I had shoes in my purse and I guess he pulled them out thinking they were hers. He's just clumsy as hell. I swear, every time he's over he breaks or drops something. I still have a hole in my drywall from him goofing around.

I'm just REALLY pissed. My phone just got repaired about a month ago from when I dropped it. Now, here we go again. And it's totally non-functional. Pretty sure the LCD is done because the screen won't even come on.

He's old enough to offer to get it fixed but your anger is unreasonable. He was asked to look for his mother's shoes. He sees shoes in your purse - he may not even have known it was your purse and even if he did, I'm sure he thought it odd to have shoes in a purse. If you're going to store your phone where you store your shoes, it's likely that your phone will fall out when you pull your shoes out. It sounds like you're carrying around a lot of baggage about him. Poor kid.

+1

YOU just dropped and broke it a month ago. Are you "clumsy as hell" too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know you are pissed today, but if you look back on this in five years are you going to think it was a shining moment for you to change your graduation gift? The high road usually feels better in the long run, even if it doesn't right now.

In five years the nephew will still be an obnoxious narcissist and she'll still wish she had her $250 back.

It is not "the low road" to make him pay for his mistake one way or another, including by withholding a gift that he doesn't even know is his.

Reduce the gift significantly. It is too much anyway. I wouldn't give more than $25.

Wow, the diagnostic criteria for obnoxious narcissism is really low on the DSM-V. I might reduce the monetary amount but not tell him.

[Anonymous]

I think OP needs to look up the word "gift"

[Anonymous]

You also dropped your phone so you are just mad. Also, how gross to put shoes in your purse. Seriously, was it a toge or are you just an animal?

[Anonymous]

His parents should pay to fix it.

[Anonymous]

Well, I think he should be replacing it. WTF was he doing in your purse... that story is suspicious.

If he (or his parents) replaced it, I'd keep the gift as planned.

If he doesn't, I WOULD reduce the gift. Not because I was taking the repair cost out of the gift, but because I thought he was shady and not being a stand-up young adult, and I don't gift as much to people who I'm not pleased with their behavior. Same result, different reason.

Going down to $100 is still a good gift for high school graduation.

[Anonymous]

OP, you said yourself that your nephew is always clumsy. Sounds like he wasn't exactly tossing your stuff around, but did a dumb thing. He did tell you what happened when it happened and didn't lie, right? That moment was your chance to say, "OK, I get that it was an accident, but you need to think about how you're going to take responsibility and put it right." Did you say that in the moment?

Tying the phone issue to his graduation is unnecessary, unless you really do plan to tell him outright, I docked your grad gift to pay for the phone you broke. That is not the high road at all, OP, and he actually will not feel the pain of that at all -- he won't really feel the loss of money he never had in his hands anyway.

Talk to him adult to adult and in person and just say simply, "I do get that you didn't mean to do this, and I accept your apology (assuming here he did say he was sorry), but it is a real loss for me as this is a work phone. Let's work out either some payment, or you can do some chores for me and 'work it out' that way."

If he has to do some chores for you or produce money he already has in his wallet, he will feel that. He won't truly feel any loss if you dock his gift money. Unless you do plan to announce to him that you're doing so, and then frankly he'll likely shrug it off and say, "Yeah, that's fine." Give him the opportunity to take responsibility by separating the grad gift from the phone problem. A gift should be given unconditionally.

Yeah, chores may not really pay for the repair, but seriously, this is a clumsy kid who did a dumb thing and admitted it. If he is willing to own it and shows remorse and willingness to repay you or work it off -- why take a positive thing like graduation and mess with it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP needs to look up the word "gift"

Yes. It means "something given voluntarily". She does not have to give it. And she shouldn't.

Anonymous wrote:Tying the phone issue to his graduation is unnecessary, unless you really do plan to tell him outright, I docked your grad gift to pay for the phone you broke. That is not the high road at all, OP, and he actually will not feel the pain of that at all -- he won't really feel the loss of money he never had in his hands anyway.

Talk to him adult to adult and in person and just say simply, "I do get that you didn't mean to do this, and I accept your apology (assuming here he did say he was sorry), but it is a real loss for me as this is a work phone. Let's work out either some payment, or you can do some chores for me and 'work it out' that way."

If he has to do some chores for you or produce money he already has in his wallet, he will feel that. He won't truly feel any loss if you dock his gift money. Unless you do plan to announce to him that you're doing so, and then frankly he'll likely shrug it off and say, "Yeah, that's fine." Give him the opportunity to take responsibility by separating the grad gift from the phone problem. A gift should be given unconditionally.

No, she should reduce the gift amount and NOT tell him. There is no need to try and make it a "teachable moment". If he was going to pay for it, he would have said so already. He isn't. So she should replace the phone and reduce the gift by the replacement cost.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you have a case on your phone to protect from these sorts of things?? You said you dropped it before? You sound mental.

[Anonymous]

What kind of a case are you using? Sounds like you need a better one.

[Anonymous]

No, but was he trying to steal from you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The time to discuss the screen breaking has passed so let it go. .

How has "the time" passed? He broke the phone yesterday. I'd still be mad about it for a couple of weeks at least. She can, and should, tell both him and his parents that she expects him to replace it.

you're right. I didn't see that it just happened yesterday.

[Anonymous]

13:22 again. But I still would just take some of the gift money and not tell him that the gift was reduced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, but was he trying to steal from you?

Oh, my god, will you people read the posts. Do people really just read the first post & respond of off that? The OP finally got around to saying at someone else's request he was looking for a pair of shoes that were in a purse.