I love him but the sex isn't great

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you say this like that's all it takes. If someone sucks at oral and finds your fantasies unpalatable, then that's how it is. You can't pretend that their technique is good when it isn't.

Every woman reacts differently. Technique can be taught. For crying out loud, people have been having sex for thousands of years. It's not rocket science.

The priority of female satisfaction in sex hasn't really been a priority during these thousands of years except the last fifty years.

Guy here,

I don't buy this argument. For as long as I have sought my own satisfaction, my greatest turn on and satisfaction is giving my partner a mind blowing orgasm.

You have to understand that "as long as I have sought my own satisfaction" is merely a blip over the "thousands of years during which people have been having sex." The emphasis on the female orgasm (or indeed, even the phenomena of discussing it at all) is very much a late 20th century thing. I assure you that your male ancestor in the 12th century couldn't care less.

[Anonymous]

PP, I'm sorry that you had to endure something so terrible. I agree, selfishness in the sack isn't a gendered thing. It is tough on a relationship, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you say this like that's all it takes. If someone sucks at oral and finds your fantasies unpalatable, then that's how it is. You can't pretend that their technique is good when it isn't.

Every woman reacts differently. Technique can be taught. For crying out loud, people have been having sex for thousands of years. It's not rocket science.

The priority of female satisfaction in sex hasn't really been a priority during these thousands of years except the last fifty years.

So the first female orgasm occurred 50 years ago? Learn something new every day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: My ex was the opposite, he would actually lose his erection while turning me on - because it wasn't pleasurable to him directly. It was terrible.

Many guys lose it while giving their partner oral sex or otherwise focusing on the woman. Does not mean they are not into it. It's just that they are focusing so hard that the erection is lost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, you say this like that's all it takes. If someone sucks at oral and finds your fantasies unpalatable, then that's how it is. You can't pretend that their technique is good when it isn't.

Pretending just creates a new problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you say this like that's all it takes. If someone sucks at oral and finds your fantasies unpalatable, then that's how it is. You can't pretend that their technique is good when it isn't.

Every woman reacts differently. Technique can be taught. For crying out loud, people have been having sex for thousands of years. It's not rocket science.

The priority of female satisfaction in sex hasn't really been a priority during these thousands of years except the last fifty years.

So the first female orgasm occurred 50 years ago? Learn something new every day

Truly an amazing day. On another thread, a 41 year old woman thought she was in menopause. Turns out, she's pregnant. Another poster asked, "How did that happen?"

Like I've told DH over and over, "if we figure out how this keeps happening? It's over."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: My ex was the opposite, he would actually lose his erection while turning me on - because it wasn't pleasurable to him directly. It was terrible.

Many guys lose it while giving their partner oral sex or otherwise focusing on the woman. Does not mean they are not into it. It's just that they are focusing so hard that the erection is lost.

Not abnormal at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you say this like that's all it takes. If someone sucks at oral and finds your fantasies unpalatable, then that's how it is. You can't pretend that their technique is good when it isn't.

Every woman reacts differently. Technique can be taught. For crying out loud, people have been having sex for thousands of years. It's not rocket science.

The priority of female satisfaction in sex hasn't really been a priority during these thousands of years except the last fifty years.

So the first female orgasm occurred 50 years ago? Learn something new every day

Do you think an average husband in the 17th century considered himself a sexual failure if his wife didn't orgasm?

[Anonymous]

I doubt the average husband today considers himself a failure in that situation. Many of you posters love to deal in absolutes and hyperbole. There have been women getting off with their spouses, by themselves, or with non spouse partners since prehistory. If you really love everything about a guy but he doesn't get you off, show and tell him how. If he gets it you are golden. If he doesn't, or doesn't care to listen, move on. Or if you honestly need a fat one to get off, same thing.

But how any of you go into a marriage with a guy who is dud is trulyba mystery to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you say this like that's all it takes. If someone sucks at oral and finds your fantasies unpalatable, then that's how it is. You can't pretend that their technique is good when it isn't.

Every woman reacts differently. Technique can be taught. For crying out loud, people have been having sex for thousands of years. It's not rocket science.

The priority of female satisfaction in sex hasn't really been a priority during these thousands of years except the last fifty years.

So the first female orgasm occurred 50 years ago? Learn something new every day

Do you think an average husband in the 17th century considered himself a sexual failure if his wife didn't orgasm?

Yea, yea, thank you Mr. Hand.

This is why so many 17th century chicks were rushing to the doctor or midwife with complaints of "hysteria."
http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJM200006223422521

[Anonymous]

He needs the little blue pill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: My ex was the opposite, he would actually lose his erection while turning me on - because it wasn't pleasurable to him directly. It was terrible.

Many guys lose it while giving their partner oral sex or otherwise focusing on the woman. Does not mean they are not into it. It's just that they are focusing so hard that the erection is lost.

I love to focus in on my GF.. I would love to help have more Os than me. I get a lot of satisfaction when I help her have an O.

[Anonymous]

Pp here, well, perhaps he always lost his erection bc he was into it. He refused oral, only fingers, because I begged him and he relented. Doesn't msgger know bc we are divorced, but it never happened to anyone before him. Learned something new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He needs to work on his skills. There are books he can read, pills he can take, and toys he can buy. You need to help him learn to satisfy you.

+1. Are the rest of you guys all missing the part where she says she really loves him and he's wonderful and trying to get better at pleasing her? Come on, ladies, are wonderful men really growing on trees? Right. No. They are not. It's so easy to tell other people to dump/divorce/walk out on their S.O.'s, but here in the real world where love is not so easy to find, there are less scorched-earth ways to work on problems.

No idea if it's the case here -- and the premature ejaculation suggests it may not be -- but some women get off on the bad boys. So, for that subset of women, it's the very fact of being a wonderful man that causes the sexual incompatibility. And what woman is going to tell a guy, "you have to be more selfish and make me unhappy in other parts of my life to make me happy sexually"?

Treat 'em like shit and they'll love you forever.



]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in your shoes. Now married 11 years and it is a huge problem in our marriage. I said I would not cheat, but I did. We have over problems besides sex as well.

Honestly, this is a red flag. Don't ignore it and see if you can work together to improve it before committing to marriage.

+1