Please don't give your elementary school child a smart phone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop the madness.

We debated whether to get the older kid a smart phone when she entered middle school, but that seems to have become the de facto entry point when parents give them. So, we decided to do it, drafted a contract for expectations of behavior, the whole works.

Now, two or three parents of friends of our youngest kid, in elementary school, have given their children smart phones for Christmas or whatever. And as you can imagine, the badgering has started as these kids have no one to text and keep telling our kid they want to text her.

But guess what? We're not ready for this child to have a phone, for a number of reasons (including the fact that this is a $700/year investment once all is said and done). We're also not ready for this child to have a texting account, for a number of reasons (maturity, uncertainty about whether child will follow our expectations based on personality).

I wish people would realize that when they give their children phones this young, it's like a virus that spreads throughout the network of friends. They become a wedge for the "haves" and the "have nots" for whatever reason. My kid will be a "has not" until middle school, but I get to hear about it every day now for a year and a half.

Ugh.

It's just dumb to give a kid that age a smartphone. Has nothing to do with the kid's maturity. But bad parents have always been there and you just have to stick to your guns.

I love how the best argue,net most people can come up with it that it's dumb to give a kid a smartphone. Why exactly is it dumb? Becaus they will be connected? Becaus they may have fun with it? Because they will learn the technological tools that they will use for their lives before your kid does? Or because y don't like it?

You don't want your kid to have smartphone- good for you. They want their kids to have one - good for them. You don't have to agree - it's a parenting decision either way and neither in this case is actually a bad one.

You're saying nothing. Of course it's their right to make stupid parenting decisions. It's bad for obvious reasons: cyberbullying, alienation from family time, shortening of attention spans, constant instant gratification, and exponentially more screen time. But go for it, it's your call. And, yes, I will judge you.

You're assuming that they allow their kids free use of it at home. Ds is in middle school and has an old smart phone of DH's. When he comes home, phone is handed over to me and then he has a choice of using his allotted screen time between computer time, tv time, or phone time after everything is done. His friends know to call the house if they want to talk and ds isn't answering a text. Having a husband who is a coder and developer has allowed us access to ds' texts, emails, and basically anything online, beyond what dsl already knows we look at.

That's great, but what about all the other time. Is the kid paying attention in school, or on the phone? Is s/he interacting with peers? Or just glued to screen all day?
Look, it's a free country, so of course I have no right to dictate what you do. But I definitely have an opinion about it, and you have no right to dictate that I don't. I definitely think it's a bad idea for elementary kids. If I could magically make them disappear for middle schoolers I would, but I do understand that at that point it's very tough to be the "only" kid without one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop the madness.

We debated whether to get the older kid a smart phone when she entered middle school, but that seems to have become the de facto entry point when parents give them. So, we decided to do it, drafted a contract for expectations of behavior, the whole works.

Now, two or three parents of friends of our youngest kid, in elementary school, have given their children smart phones for Christmas or whatever. And as you can imagine, the badgering has started as these kids have no one to text and keep telling our kid they want to text her.

But guess what? We're not ready for this child to have a phone, for a number of reasons (including the fact that this is a $700/year investment once all is said and done). We're also not ready for this child to have a texting account, for a number of reasons (maturity, uncertainty about whether child will follow our expectations based on personality).

I wish people would realize that when they give their children phones this young, it's like a virus that spreads throughout the network of friends. They become a wedge for the "haves" and the "have nots" for whatever reason. My kid will be a "has not" until middle school, but I get to hear about it every day now for a year and a half.

Ugh.

It's just dumb to give a kid that age a smartphone. Has nothing to do with the kid's maturity. But bad parents have always been there and you just have to stick to your guns.

I love how the best argue,net most people can come up with it that it's dumb to give a kid a smartphone. Why exactly is it dumb? Becaus they will be connected? Becaus they may have fun with it? Because they will learn the technological tools that they will use for their lives before your kid does? Or because y don't like it?

You don't want your kid to have smartphone- good for you. They want their kids to have one - good for them. You don't have to agree - it's a parenting decision either way and neither in this case is actually a bad one.

You're saying nothing. Of course it's their right to make stupid parenting decisions. It's bad for obvious reasons: cyberbullying, alienation from family time, shortening of attention spans, constant instant gratification, and exponentially more screen time. But go for it, it's your call. And, yes, I will judge you.

You're assuming that they allow their kids free use of it at home. Ds is in middle school and has an old smart phone of DH's. When he comes home, phone is handed over to me and then he has a choice of using his allotted screen time between computer time, tv time, or phone time after everything is done. His friends know to call the house if they want to talk and ds isn't answering a text. Having a husband who is a coder and developer has allowed us access to ds' texts, emails, and basically anything online, beyond what dsl already knows we look at.

Yuck.

[Anonymous]

I do not see why others feel they can dictate what goes on in someone's home. I will get my child a phone when it meets my needs of keeping track of him. To me the tracking is worth the money. My kid has basically had his own ipad since 2-3. We got one for the family and he took it over so we got us our own. He is happy with the old one and has no interest in ours. He also has had an old nano in his room since the CD player broke. We gave him an old touch but he has no interest as he had his ipad. He can text, Skype, FaceTime and do most things throught that. He will probably get an iPhone which will be one of ours so we can upgrade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop the madness.

We debated whether to get the older kid a smart phone when she entered middle school, but that seems to have become the de facto entry point when parents give them. So, we decided to do it, drafted a contract for expectations of behavior, the whole works.

Now, two or three parents of friends of our youngest kid, in elementary school, have given their children smart phones for Christmas or whatever. And as you can imagine, the badgering has started as these kids have no one to text and keep telling our kid they want to text her.

But guess what? We're not ready for this child to have a phone, for a number of reasons (including the fact that this is a $700/year investment once all is said and done). We're also not ready for this child to have a texting account, for a number of reasons (maturity, uncertainty about whether child will follow our expectations based on personality).

I wish people would realize that when they give their children phones this young, it's like a virus that spreads throughout the network of friends. They become a wedge for the "haves" and the "have nots" for whatever reason. My kid will be a "has not" until middle school, but I get to hear about it every day now for a year and a half.

Ugh.

It's just dumb to give a kid that age a smartphone. Has nothing to do with the kid's maturity. But bad parents have always been there and you just have to stick to your guns.

I love how the best argue,net most people can come up with it that it's dumb to give a kid a smartphone. Why exactly is it dumb? Becaus they will be connected? Becaus they may have fun with it? Because they will learn the technological tools that they will use for their lives before your kid does? Or because y don't like it?

You don't want your kid to have smartphone- good for you. They want their kids to have one - good for them. You don't have to agree - it's a parenting decision either way and neither in this case is actually a bad one.

You're saying nothing. Of course it's their right to make stupid parenting decisions. It's bad for obvious reasons: cyberbullying, alienation from family time, shortening of attention spans, constant instant gratification, and exponentially more screen time. But go for it, it's your call. And, yes, I will judge you.

You're assuming that they allow their kids free use of it at home. Ds is in middle school and has an old smart phone of DH's. When he comes home, phone is handed over to me and then he has a choice of using his allotted screen time between computer time, tv time, or phone time after everything is done. His friends know to call the house if they want to talk and ds isn't answering a text. Having a husband who is a coder and developer has allowed us access to ds' texts, emails, and basically anything online, beyond what dsl already knows we look at.

That's great, but what about all the other time. Is the kid paying attention in school, or on the phone? Is s/he interacting with peers? Or just glued to screen all day?
Look, it's a free country, so of course I have no right to dictate what you do. But I definitely have an opinion about it, and you have no right to dictate that I don't. I definitely think it's a bad idea for elementary kids. If I could magically make them disappear for middle schoolers I would, but I do understand that at that point it's very tough to be the "only" kid without one.

It isn't allowed in school unless it's an emergency. Most of his teachers don't allow them in their classroom and will take it away if a kid is on their phone. We don't live in the D.C. area anymore so maybe schools here are more strict about phone usage.

[Anonymous]

I'll do what's best for my family, but thanks for the unsolicited advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not see why others feel they can dictate what goes on in someone's home. I will get my child a phone when it meets my needs of keeping track of him. To me the tracking is worth the money. My kid has basically had his own ipad since 2-3. We got one for the family and he took it over so we got us our own. He is happy with the old one and has no interest in ours. He also has had an old nano in his room since the CD player broke. We gave him an old touch but he has no interest as he had his ipad. He can text, Skype, FaceTime and do most things throught that. He will probably get an iPhone which will be one of ours so we can upgrade.

I think you don't understand what "dictate" means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think middle school is too young. OP, please take the phone away from your child and wait until HS.

I thought MS was too young as well, but child is at after-school activities more and off independently more, so it is convenient for us for her to have a phone. Which was the trigger for us to get it.

Most people seem to arrive at a similar conclusion, as you'll discover when your child gets to middle school. Unless you end up in an insane community where parents give their snowflakes iPhones in third grade.

My point being it is a family decision. I get it is easier for some parents or for kids of divorce who have a passive aggressive situation or <fill in your reason>.

I never let my middle schooler because every time they said "but everyone has one" I said then just ask them for their phone if you need to call me.

Our rule is HS but that does not mean I should impose my rules on anybody else.

My MS is never in a "need a phone situation" so they can wait... And yes, they are bitter about it. Life goes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop the madness.

We debated whether to get the older kid a smart phone when she entered middle school, but that seems to have become the de facto entry point when parents give them. So, we decided to do it, drafted a contract for expectations of behavior, the whole works.

Now, two or three parents of friends of our youngest kid, in elementary school, have given their children smart phones for Christmas or whatever. And as you can imagine, the badgering has started as these kids have no one to text and keep telling our kid they want to text her.

But guess what? We're not ready for this child to have a phone, for a number of reasons (including the fact that this is a $700/year investment once all is said and done). We're also not ready for this child to have a texting account, for a number of reasons (maturity, uncertainty about whether child will follow our expectations based on personality).

I wish people would realize that when they give their children phones this young, it's like a virus that spreads throughout the network of friends. They become a wedge for the "haves" and the "have nots" for whatever reason. My kid will be a "has not" until middle school, but I get to hear about it every day now for a year and a half.

Ugh.

It's just dumb to give a kid that age a smartphone. Has nothing to do with the kid's maturity. But bad parents have always been there and you just have to stick to your guns.

I love how the best argue,net most people can come up with it that it's dumb to give a kid a smartphone. Why exactly is it dumb? Becaus they will be connected? Becaus they may have fun with it? Because they will learn the technological tools that they will use for their lives before your kid does? Or because y don't like it?

You don't want your kid to have smartphone- good for you. They want their kids to have one - good for them. You don't have to agree - it's a parenting decision either way and neither in this case is actually a bad one.

You're saying nothing. Of course it's their right to make stupid parenting decisions. It's bad for obvious reasons: cyberbullying, alienation from family time, shortening of attention spans, constant instant gratification, and exponentially more screen time. But go for it, it's your call. And, yes, I will judge you.

You're assuming that they allow their kids free use of it at home. Ds is in middle school and has an old smart phone of DH's. When he comes home, phone is handed over to me and then he has a choice of using his allotted screen time between computer time, tv time, or phone time after everything is done. His friends know to call the house if they want to talk and ds isn't answering a text. Having a husband who is a coder and developer has allowed us access to ds' texts, emails, and basically anything online, beyond what dsl already knows we look at.

Yuck.

My cousin attempted suicide because of cyber bullying. DS knew that a condition of getting a smart phone meant he had no privacy regarding the content on it. As he gets older and proves trustworthy, ill ease us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop the madness.

We debated whether to get the older kid a smart phone when she entered middle school, but that seems to have become the de facto entry point when parents give them. So, we decided to do it, drafted a contract for expectations of behavior, the whole works.

Now, two or three parents of friends of our youngest kid, in elementary school, have given their children smart phones for Christmas or whatever. And as you can imagine, the badgering has started as these kids have no one to text and keep telling our kid they want to text her.

But guess what? We're not ready for this child to have a phone, for a number of reasons (including the fact that this is a $700/year investment once all is said and done). We're also not ready for this child to have a texting account, for a number of reasons (maturity, uncertainty about whether child will follow our expectations based on personality).

I wish people would realize that when they give their children phones this young, it's like a virus that spreads throughout the network of friends. They become a wedge for the "haves" and the "have nots" for whatever reason. My kid will be a "has not" until middle school, but I get to hear about it every day now for a year and a half.

Ugh.

It's just dumb to give a kid that age a smartphone. Has nothing to do with the kid's maturity. But bad parents have always been there and you just have to stick to your guns.

I love how the best argue,net most people can come up with it that it's dumb to give a kid a smartphone. Why exactly is it dumb? Becaus they will be connected? Becaus they may have fun with it? Because they will learn the technological tools that they will use for their lives before your kid does? Or because y don't like it?

You don't want your kid to have smartphone- good for you. They want their kids to have one - good for them. You don't have to agree - it's a parenting decision either way and neither in this case is actually a bad one.

You're saying nothing. Of course it's their right to make stupid parenting decisions. It's bad for obvious reasons: cyberbullying, alienation from family time, shortening of attention spans, constant instant gratification, and exponentially more screen time. But go for it, it's your call. And, yes, I will judge you.

This statement is especially awesome and ironic statement, coming from someone judging anonymous people for their parenting decisions on an Internet forum. Let's talk screen time, family time, and cyber bullying, and the examples that parents actually set for their children through actions vs. them giving their children a piece of random technology. Because last time I checked it the parent doing the parenting, not the phone.

You must be mentally deficient. Taking 5 minutes on an ipad while my kids are at a play date means I set a bad example re screen time for my kids. OK....

And yet I don't feel the need to resort to name calling or personal attacks to make my argument.

Like I said, parents lead the culture their children will use with technology (well, and really in I've in general). Parents make the rules and set the expectations. What works in one family won't in another. I think I've already used some examples as to why.

[Anonymous]

Op, you make a lot of assumptions about people with smart phones. That they are addicted to then 24/7, lack communication with others, have their noses buried in them, don't pay attention in class, among other things. Don't you think that making all these assumptions makes you seem rather stupid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh OP. If this injects conflict into your household the middle school years are going to be really, really tough on you and high school will be downright hellish. Good luck. Unclench.

+1

I didn't let my kids have regular cells until HS, and they only got smartphones when they started college. That has nothing to do with anyone else. Learn not just how to say no but how to feel strong and confident saying no.

[Anonymous]

OP, I told my kid he can't have a smart phone until 9th grade at the earliest, but I am perfectly ok with your middle schooler having a smart phone. My son would LIKE a smart phone but it isn't going to happen because it isn't in my budget and he isn't responsible enough for one yet, but that may not be true for others. I'm also not buying him any $200 KDs and my daughter can't get her ears pierced until she is 13. They aren't always happy with our decisions but I have my values and beliefs and they respect and abide by that. They may express their disagreement, but do so calmly and reasonably, and then give it a rest after I've made it clear what my position is. I also point out areas where I allow them to do things that other parents are more strict about.

This is your parenting fail if your kids don't respect you enough to not bitch and moan about what they don't have. Sounds like you are raising entitled whiners. If your kids respect you, and you have confidence in the fact that you are doing what is right for YOUR kids, you don't need to worry about what other parents are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not my problem that you "aren't ready." This is how things work today - deal with it or go off the grid.

This

[Anonymous]

My child was the last of her peers to get a cell phone. As her parent, it is MY job to tell her "no". I don't expect other people to live their lives to try to make mine easier. I wouldn't let her have a smart phone until I judged she was ready. 6th grade.

You are ridiculous OP.

[Anonymous]

I think it's interesting that people see the smart phone kids and the kids who text as automatically the wealthy ones.

My kid has a Smart phone. It cost $39.99. It's on a pay as you go plan with unlimited texting. If I had gotten him a "dumb phone", I would have saved about $10 on the phone, but be about another $10 a month to move up to a plan with more minutes, because we wouldn't be able to do most of our communication by text.

He has a Smart phone because he doesn't have the luxury of a parent at home, and so he's on his own a lot, including transporting himself by public bus. We don't have a landline, for budgetary reasons.

I have trouble with the family with the SAHM (a luxury we could never afford) and the house with the landline (which costs $) who drive their kid everywhere, pronouncing that kids don't "need" phones.