How would you react?

[Anonymous]

TWO years of supporting your family + childcare and you're painting your in-laws as selfish.

I am at a loss for words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No no no. Aside from my bil, she does not normally celebrate christmas with the people she invited. The extras live about four hours drive from us -- and about four days driving from her. No one was invited to her house for christmas this year; I extended the invite to them last summer. The foreign cousins are essentially distant relatives (maybe second cousins twice removed), who happened to be going to disney world over Christmas, and whom the in laws invited to celebrate with us. My opinion stands. Dh and I planned christmas for our little family in our new home, and will continue to celebrate here while our kids are small. Grandparents will be invited to come every other year (to allow each set to participate). They should not be inviting other people, particularly relatives I have never met, to come along. It's my house. If they want to have christmas with others, they should simply decline the invitation for Christmas and see us another time. They have five kids, and none of the others who have children travel for christmas either. I maintain, in laws are welcome every other year, but can't invite random relatives to join AT MY HOUSE for several days.

I find DCUM usually snarky but it has to tell you something when everyone is saying the same thing. It may be better for you to not invite them every other year - both for your sanity and theirs. You are not being benevolent or generous to allow them every other year Christmas access to your kids. Perhaps some reframing and letting go of control is in order for you. There will be chaos when family is involved but through this chaos, memories are formed.

Also, wow.

[Anonymous]

They are invited every other year because we invite my parents every other year as well. So we split Christmases. Or have they bought their way to all Christmases and I should forget my own parents?

[Anonymous]

Hahaha please continue on OP. Either you are a troll or you're extremely dumb. Either way, you and your sad and incompetent excuse for a husband and you deserve each other. It's a shame you had kids though. No one deserves you guys for parents.

[Anonymous]

How fucking pathetic is your husband that he wanted nothing to do with his kids for 2 years. How sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are invited every other year because we invite my parents every other year as well. So we split Christmases. Or have they bought their way to all Christmases and I should forget my own parents?

This might be a good time to remember you MARRIED into the family and they didn't buy their way in. You were under no obligation to accept any money. You are doing them, and you, a favor if you disinvite them completely rather than do this time share thing or repeat this resentment you feel. In case you are wondering, your husband married into your family.

I don't get how the tone went from "generous in laws" to "they bought all Christmases." What gives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are invited every other year because we invite my parents every other year as well. So we split Christmases. Or have they bought their way to all Christmases and I should forget my own parents?

Why can't they all come every year? Sounds like ILs would happily stay in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are invited every other year because we invite my parents every other year as well. So we split Christmases. Or have they bought their way to all Christmases and I should forget my own parents?

Why can't they all come every year? Sounds like ILs would happily stay in a hotel.

+1

[Anonymous]

hahaha, you mad OP?

[Anonymous]

I can understand OP splitting Christmasses. Lots of families do that. Our parents don't like one another that much and they'd rather have their own special time with the grandkids. Nobody seems to mind as far as I can tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are invited every other year because we invite my parents every other year as well. So we split Christmases. Or have they bought their way to all Christmases and I should forget my own parents?

WTF is wrong with you and your family that both sets of grandparents join you for Christmas? They stay in a hotel for god's sake! What's the problem? Do they hate each other? They can't 'share'?

[Anonymous]

They helped support you when you had less money. NOw you have more. So you pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are invited every other year because we invite my parents every other year as well. So we split Christmases. Or have they bought their way to all Christmases and I should forget my own parents?

I wouldn't want to spend ANY holiday with you! How nice of you to ALLOW the kids grandparents to have every other year with your special snowflakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here - I have certainly received my comeuppance here today, which is fine. The dinner was more of a "wouldn't it just be more convenient for the foreign cousins (with 4 kids) - and our kids - if it was at a house instead of a restaurant" and me saying "I guess I can make it work so long as I don't have to cook for 15 people on the day after XMAS" as opposed to a big invitation. But no matter. Honest question, though, isn't it unusual for my in laws to invite other family members to our Christmas celebration anyway? I mean I would never visit them and inform them I was bringing extra people. I feel like it's akin to her inviting us to have Thankgiving with them, and me announcing that I would also be bringing my parents, my sister, and six friends, and then expecting her to either cook or coordinate dinner for 8 nights for people she barely knows. Or am I wrong about this too? Does accepting monetary help during my husband's unemployment (during which no one wanted my DH to have to go out of his way to actually care for the kids - hence the help with childcare) mean I am now the personal caterer for their extended family gatherings?

Depends on the family. This wouldn't fly in my family, however I married into a (foreign) family where this is perfectly acceptable behavior. I'll never forget the day (2 days after Thanksgiving) where my husband's family (husband's mom and brother & kids & wife plus her parents) was visiting, I was 8 months pregnant and had just cooked a huge meal, the doorbell rang and it was a couple we'd invited over (same nationality as my husband's family) with two of their adult children, one teenage child plus the adult children's significant other for a total of 5 uninvited guests. And you know what? I freaked out but ran to the store for more drinks/food and it was a lot of fun.

If you don't want to host, don't offer to host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are invited every other year because we invite my parents every other year as well. So we split Christmases. Or have they bought their way to all Christmases and I should forget my own parents?

OP, you may want to get therapy.