How would you react?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's not unreasonable for you to be a little surprised that they didn't offer, but I don't think you could expect them to pitch in. They did offer to go out for dinner originally, right? And you offered to host the dinner instead. So that basically implies that you were happy to pay.

This. I get why you feel a but annoyed OP, but really try to see it this way and let it go.

[Anonymous]

I would have felt that offering to pay is rude. If you get invite to someone's house for dinner, do you offer to pay? Would be weird. As a hostess, I would be mortified if someone did this. I would not offer unless I could pay for it. It's not an idea you all came up with together. You offered, they accepted. You pay.

[Anonymous]

From what you wrote, you owe your ILs. Focus on gratitude for everything they've done for you over the years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For perspective, the aunt stayed on a hotel suite that coat $1500/night. My mil bought my bil and his wife their flights and hotel nights. These aren't people who are accustomed to pizza dinners.

But - their money is not yours. It's very presumptuous to assume that because they can afford this sort of thing, that they will foot your bill as well.

They offered to take everyone out for dinner (and in case you're not following- this means HOSTING ie. PAYING for dinner).

You declined.

Instead you offered to HOST (which means paying) dinner.

From their standpoint, as you offered to host, it would be rude and presumptuous of them to assume that you were anything but gracious and honest in your invitation to host. This would include your ability to foot the bill. A good host only provides what they are capable of, and never makes issue of the burden.

It sounds as though they have been more than generous over the years, and a small catering bill (which was your offer and choice) is a small token in return appreciation.

[Anonymous]

1. I do not expect people to pay for anything while in my home.
2. MIL offered to stay in hotels and pay for a restaurant! Very gracious of her.
3. My only quibble is that she invited other guests for the trip, but given that she had offered to have them stay in hotels, that's fine too.

So no, I really don't understand why you're offended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For perspective, the aunt stayed on a hotel suite that coat $1500/night. My mil bought my bil and his wife their flights and hotel nights. These aren't people who are accustomed to pizza dinners.

So they spent over $10K on a hotel to visit you, plus flights for everyone, and you wish they had fronted you $200 or $300 for food expenses? I think they may be trying to teach you that:

1. When you host people you need to be prepared for all that entails re expenses:
2. Maybe crowding 15 people into your house was not the gathering they wanted, and therefore they did not want to encourage more of same in the future by subsidizing that one. (?)
3. The money train is slowing down and will no longer be making such frequent or impressive stops. Those stops may have been greater when your husband wasn't working, but now that he is they may want him to step up and show his financial independence and be the provider they presumably raised him (and gave him unlimited advantages and opportunities) to be.

I also think it's possible they may not have wanted to stay with you, but also didn't want to offend you, so they brought extra people with them so staying in a hotel would be necessary and not even arguably impolite.

They have been extremely generous to you in the past so I would not take offense at this. I wouldn't make a fuss over this, but remember that next time they visit you may be on the hook for a greater financial obligation than you had been used to before. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You offered to host, after MIL said she'd pay for a restaurant. Yes, you are crazy to think she would have reimbursed you.

She offered,you declined, that's on you homie! Plus, for a couple of nights, I would have made it plain that we were not hosting dinner, people were free to make their own dinner arrangements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For perspective, the aunt stayed on a hotel suite that coat $1500/night. My mil bought my bil and his wife their flights and hotel nights. These aren't people who are accustomed to pizza dinners.

Wealthy people don't eat pizza?
STFU

[Anonymous]

Echoing others. She OFFERED dinner. YOU refused. Lost your chance. I'm still shaking my head that you utilized daycare for two years while your DH didn't work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For perspective, the aunt stayed on a hotel suite that coat $1500/night. My mil bought my bil and his wife their flights and hotel nights. These aren't people who are accustomed to pizza dinners.

Wealthy people don't eat pizza?
STFU

I know! You should take this opportunity to introduce them pizza!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For perspective, the aunt stayed on a hotel suite that coat $1500/night. My mil bought my bil and his wife their flights and hotel nights. These aren't people who are accustomed to pizza dinners.

Wealthy people don't eat pizza?
STFU

I know! You should take this opportunity to introduce them pizza!

This explains why I've only been able to trap unemployed duds with my pizza on a string device. I learn SO much on this forum.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it's on you. You should have let your MIL take everyone out. It's not reasonable to ask her to pay for your choice of venue since you declined her choice.

And add me to the list of people who are bemused that they paid for two years of childcare while your DH wasn't working! Isn't that a little redundant?

[Anonymous]

Your ILs sound incredibly generous! They brought the family to you, stayed in a hotel to not crowd your house, and offered to take everyone out to dinner. And after all this and years of paying for child care, you are pissed about 300 bucks?? You've got to be kidding me. You declined their offer for dinner because you wanted to host at your home, of course you should be expected to pay! I thought you were going to say your ILs invited all of these people to stay at your house, that would have been something to complain about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For perspective, the aunt stayed on a hotel suite that coat $1500/night. My mil bought my bil and his wife their flights and hotel nights. These aren't people who are accustomed to pizza dinners.

So what? If pizza is your budget, that's your budget. It's ridiculous to think that you could turn down MIL's invitation, offer to host instead, bring in something outside of your budget, and then have your MIL read your mind that you needed the catering covered. You sound very entitled.

[Anonymous]

You and DH should have said no a lot earlier in the process!