Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?

[Anonymous]

Wow - some seriously insecure bitches on here.

[Anonymous]

I dunno. I think it's better to be realistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, you missed the point. My main gist was that proceed with caution. If your husband isn't 100 percent on board and you are not 100 percent on board with your choice to SAHM, choosing to be a SAHM can be problematic and lead to serious issues if your marriage implodes. Like I had explained upthread.

Agreed. Marriage is a partnership in which each person has a say, it's not just up to a wife to unilaterally decide she wants to SAH. And just because a DH doesn't make enough to fully support a family with a middle class lifestyle ($$$ in the DMV area), doesn't mean he is not quality. Each spouse needs to carry their weight whether it be through childcare, household chores, etc. or earning an income (or combination of both). I've had a female friend act as the primary income earner while her DH was in law school and working a low paying clerkship. Now he's making $$$ at a firm, so she is a SAHM. I also have girlfriends who work part time jobs, earn more than their spouse, etc. and they are in happy marriages. At the end of the day, it's really about each partner contributing.

Would I love to quit my job and pursue other things that interest me more such as spending more time with my first baby once he's born in a few months? Sure. But it would be totally unfair of me since I make about the same as DH and we would be much less financially secure without two incomes. I don't like my job, but I like that at 30 I am already vested in a federal pension and have a fair amount in retirement savings. I like that I am climbing the career ladder at work and will be able to contribute toward my children's college funds. And God forbid anything ever happen to DH, I will be able to continue to support our household.

This isn't to say that every woman should work and no woman should ever SAH. Just make sure the decision is mutually agreeable and beneficial to your family, so your DH doesn't resent being an ATM.

Also, I find it funny how threads about men who become unemployed, stop looking for work, aren't contributing much financially to the home are considered deadbeats that the DW should leave!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow - some seriously insecure bitches on here.

Like who?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I guess you missed the part of feminism where women got to make their own life choices.

Particularly choices that shift all of their economic needs onto their husband, right? Wrong. Unless he's okay with it, you are playing with fire if you think being a SAHM is a good idea. I have seen so, so many women burned by this. I've also seen women use being a SAHM as an elegant way to exit the workforce. It's short sighted and stupid beyond the early years (and even then is somewhat dumb).

Nothing is worse than finding yourself divorced, having to take a shitting admin job ten rungs below where you were before having kids, and being a single mom who is forced to move out of her lovely home in Bethesda, Mclean, whatever and move into a townhouse or apartment with angry kids. I have five girlfriends who are all literally doing this. And I don't know what the readership is like age-wise, but doing this shit at 50, when you are tired and wishing there was a retirement nest egg you had been contributing to for years is so depressing. Child support ends at 18 and alimony ain't what it used to be. Your husbands are wage workers, not actors or NBA players. Don't get it twisted, ladies.

Basically, mind your marriages. If you want to make your own life choices, expect to make them by yourself eventually. If you want to rely on someone else to financially support you, realize that is going to come at a cost by either being a good SAHM/wife or getting divorced and having to begin things at scratch.

Everyone who is really worried that sahms might get a divorce and be poor, like really worried, why don't you start up a charity?

Or...get a job?

I have no dog in this fight - I work and don't have kids anyway - but why would starting a charity be a better safety net for someone worried about putting all their economic stability in someone else's basket than earning their own money?

[Anonymous]

I guess you missed the part of feminism where women got to make their own life choices.


Particularly choices that shift all of their economic needs onto their husband, right? Wrong. Unless he's okay with it, you are playing with fire if you think being a SAHM is a good idea. I have seen so, so many women burned by this. I've also seen women use being a SAHM as an elegant way to exit the workforce. It's short sighted and stupid beyond the early years (and even then is somewhat dumb).

Nothing is worse than finding yourself divorced, having to take a shitting admin job ten rungs below where you were before having kids, and being a single mom who is forced to move out of her lovely home in Bethesda, Mclean, whatever and move into a townhouse or apartment with angry kids. I have five girlfriends who are all literally doing this. And I don't know what the readership is like age-wise, but doing this shit at 50, when you are tired and wishing there was a retirement nest egg you had been contributing to for years is so depressing. Child support ends at 18 and alimony ain't what it used to be. Your husbands are wage workers, not actors or NBA players. Don't get it twisted, ladies.

Basically, mind your marriages. If you want to make your own life choices, expect to make them by yourself eventually. If you want to rely on someone else to financially support you, realize that is going to come at a cost by either being a good SAHM/wife or getting divorced and having to begin things at scratch.

+1, although I'd add that the possibility of divorce is not the only risk a SAHM takes. A DH can lose a job, become disabled, or worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I guess you missed the part of feminism where women got to make their own life choices.

Particularly choices that shift all of their economic needs onto their husband, right? Wrong. Unless he's okay with it, you are playing with fire if you think being a SAHM is a good idea. I have seen so, so many women burned by this. I've also seen women use being a SAHM as an elegant way to exit the workforce. It's short sighted and stupid beyond the early years (and even then is somewhat dumb).

Nothing is worse than finding yourself divorced, having to take a shitting admin job ten rungs below where you were before having kids, and being a single mom who is forced to move out of her lovely home in Bethesda, Mclean, whatever and move into a townhouse or apartment with angry kids. I have five girlfriends who are all literally doing this. And I don't know what the readership is like age-wise, but doing this shit at 50, when you are tired and wishing there was a retirement nest egg you had been contributing to for years is so depressing. Child support ends at 18 and alimony ain't what it used to be. Your husbands are wage workers, not actors or NBA players. Don't get it twisted, ladies.

Basically, mind your marriages. If you want to make your own life choices, expect to make them by yourself eventually. If you want to rely on someone else to financially support you, realize that is going to come at a cost by either being a good SAHM/wife or getting divorced and having to begin things at scratch.

Everyone who is really worried that sahms might get a divorce and be poor, like really worried, why don't you start up a charity?

For women who gave up careers to ride their husbands' coattails and set poor examples for their kids? Great idea!

You sound charming.

[Anonymous]

Let's all take a moment to read the thread in off topic about the man who bashed a hole in the wall and cried on the phone with his wife when he has to take care of 3 school age children by himself ( after school and after a part time many left )
And then come back and tell me Sahms don't contribute a valued service unless they work

[Anonymous]

Then let's read this topic.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/431256.page

[Anonymous]

Oh snap!

[Anonymous]

I think most of us lie somewhere between unable to care for our own children for 3 hours without a mental break , and hating our spouse for not contributing except for all the childcare the other 21 hours

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then let's read this topic.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/431256.page

He should go help the other guy out FFS!

[Anonymous]

FFS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FFS?

For f@&$cks sake!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I guess you missed the part of feminism where women got to make their own life choices.

Particularly choices that shift all of their economic needs onto their husband, right? Wrong. Unless he's okay with it, you are playing with fire if you think being a SAHM is a good idea. I have seen so, so many women burned by this. I've also seen women use being a SAHM as an elegant way to exit the workforce. It's short sighted and stupid beyond the early years (and even then is somewhat dumb).

Nothing is worse than finding yourself divorced, having to take a shitting admin job ten rungs below where you were before having kids, and being a single mom who is forced to move out of her lovely home in Bethesda, Mclean, whatever and move into a townhouse or apartment with angry kids. I have five girlfriends who are all literally doing this. And I don't know what the readership is like age-wise, but doing this shit at 50, when you are tired and wishing there was a retirement nest egg you had been contributing to for years is so depressing. Child support ends at 18 and alimony ain't what it used to be. Your husbands are wage workers, not actors or NBA players. Don't get it twisted, ladies.

Basically, mind your marriages. If you want to make your own life choices, expect to make them by yourself eventually. If you want to rely on someone else to financially support you, realize that is going to come at a cost by either being a good SAHM/wife or getting divorced and having to begin things at scratch.

Everyone who is really worried that sahms might get a divorce and be poor, like really worried, why don't you start up a charity?

For women who gave up careers to ride their husbands' coattails and set poor examples for their kids? Great idea!

You sound charming.

Do you actually think that charity poster was for real?