How to handle a GYN exam in this situation?
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Anonymous
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No, midwives are less creepy because they will tailor the exam to you.
And you're right to be worried. I was a virgin when I got married, and had a very hard time getting birth control prior to my wedding because I refused a pregnancy test at the gyn. The gyn sneered at me and told me no birth control was 100% and their patients lied so they had to make sure I wasn't pregnant. I'd had no sexual contact whatsoever and it was a horrifying experience. |
Anonymous
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I know it seems impossible to understand the first time, but keep in mind that the exam is quick. I honestly think they take more time with the regular abd and breast exam than the bimanual sometimes, so you shouldn't feel like you'll have to tolerate them poking around for 10 min. I know the first few times I said that it hurt or I felt a lot of pressure and the response was "I'm sorry -- I know; we're done." It may be that fast that by the time you react to discomfort, they're finishing up anyway.
If you've never had a breast exam -- they can be a bit uncomfortable sometimes. If you're prone to tenderness do not schedule anywhere near your period bc it will hurt. For whatever reason I find the tops of the breasts -- from the nipple up towards the clavicle area to be pretty sensitive so it's hard to hold still when hands get there. May be different for you but just a warning. |
Anonymous
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Another midwife-goer here and yes, there has been a finger in the back. No big deal, but yes, they do it.
My MW, even while I was pregnant and obviously had had exams before would talk through what she was doing. In a very matter-of-fact, non-awkward fashion, but there were no surprises. |
Anonymous
OP, you are probably my previous GYN's dream - she wouldn't have to lecture you about having sexual partners to whom you are not married. 
This is really no big deal. Just say, "Just an FYI - I've never been sexually active, so you may want to use your smallest speculum." I'd imagine most GYNs have done exams on younger teens and tweens before, so they are used to having to be more gentle. Is there anything you could do to make yourself more relaxed beforehand? And yes, they will probably stick a gloved finger up your butt after they check your vagina, so be prepared for that. GYN exams are weird for everyone, I assume. I've been going for years and I still find them really strange. But definitely a necessary evil! Good luck. |
Anonymous
| Just remind yourself to breathe. You'll be fine. |
Anonymous
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Honestly, I do not think a gyno would give a second thought to whether or not or why not you have had sex before. If it makes you feel better, you can briefly state your religious reasons up front to clear the air, but it really isn't necessary.
However, I would mention that you are a virgin only because for a pelvic exam they DO insert their fingers into the hymen and for a virgin I would assume that would be quite painful. So yes, let them know pre-appointment if necessary. |
Anonymous
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Time to take care of yourself! Go to a doctor (gyno) not a mid-wife. Really, no one will care if you have no sexual contact. Less testing for you
Don't worry about tensing up, after 20+ years and kids I still tense during the exam. You're def not alone. |
Anonymous
You do realize that we're all talking nurse-midwives, right? |
Anonymous
The op's original post asked about a doctor - not midwife. Everyone is trying to convince her to go there, so yes I realize midwives have been mention. However, they do not have the same training as a DOCTOR. It's her first time. She should see the highest educated person as possible. |
Anonymous
Yes, and a Certified Nurse Midwife is specialized in women's health issues. OP is looking for someone with the experience and bedside manner to make the exam the least awkward possible. A midwife would be an excellent fit for her. |
Anonymous
I'm sure I'm going to get flamed for this but go to a doctor for your first time. They have more training and education. I'm sorry, but a nurse that a 2 years extra training IS NOT THE SAME as a medical degree despite what's posted here. |
Anonymous
OP here -- I agree. Given that I see doctors so little, I tend to prefer MDs rather than NPs, PAs etc. Same thing applies here -- esp for the first time. Sounds like a midwife is great from a bedside manner point of view, but when I look online at a few bios and see the random credentials, I'm not so sure; I'm more comfortable with someone with a MD, residency, fellowship etc from a traditional med school -- even if that means I give up something in the way of bedside manner. |
Anonymous
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I know you think you may want to the pelvic to be over with first -- if you find the doctor to be nice enough, just ask; I don't think they'd care esp. given it's your first time and they know you're anxious.
Though keep in mind that going from top to bottom has its advantages too. I tend to get really nervous all the way through the pelvic, so I feel like mine takes longer than it would if I could just find someway to relax. So after I'm done with the bimanual -- having been told "breathe" or "I know -- try to relax" or "we're almost done" like 8 times, I am REALLY done. I don't know if I could then deal with anyone touching me for any reason -- let alone a breast exam or an abd exam. The abd exam is obviously the same as at the regular dr but you may just be tense overall. And the breast exam -- some women don't mind it, some find it uncomfortable. I feel like once the bimanual is done, I'm relieved that I actually get to get dressed and leave, not lie there longer for something else. YMMV. |
Anonymous
Just FYI, CNM credentials are not random. It is a BS/RN+Master's degree, which entails getting the RN degree (Bachelor in Science), passing liscensure, getting a master's degree, at least one year practicum, passing another exam to be board certified. Of course, who you see in the end is totally your call, but the quality of care is every bit as high as seeing an OB for this type of routine care. |
Anonymous
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