How to handle a GYN exam in this situation?

[Anonymous]

I was a virgin until my late 20s and I honestly don't remember being asked about sexual partners, etc during my annual exams. The OB just did her exam and that was it. I did develop herpes a few years after becoming sexually active and honestly, she didn't even bat an eye with that news. She said so many people have herpes and don't know it. This and my mom being a nurse with tons of stories really made me understand that doctors and nurses have seen and heard everything. Be honest with the doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also be aware that some gynocologists put there figure in your butt without any warning at that. Doesn't hurt but man it's awkward.

I was going to mention this also. Always takes me by surprise. They do it right after they remove the speculum.

I call troll. This has never happened to me and I have no idea why a GYN would do this. Seems very bizarre to me.

I've had it happen to me with 1 gyno. It was a male dr all the women gyno's I've had have never done this. He used lots of lube and no pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I was a virgin til I was 30 & got some looks from various gyns over the years. I found that it was much more useful to say "I've never had intercourse" rather than saying "not sexually active" (which for some reason tended to bring questions to determine whether I was telling the truth).

I imagine it's bc if you say "I've never had intercourse," they imagine -- ok she's saving PIV intercourse but is doing other intimate things, so we need to be thinking about testing for x, y, z. When you say "I'm not sexually active," they're thinking "at all -- at age 30 -- yeah right; I bet she just doesn't think that oral is sex etc."

[Anonymous]

I was a virgin until 25 and this always made me nervous too. I'd get so anxious anticipating asking for a smaller speculum but it was never a big deal when the time came. They aren't going to bust out laughing at you.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, go to a midwife. They will enjoy having you as a patient and getting to talk with you, make sure you are comfortable, explain, exam you in whatever order you want, etc. At my first well-woman exam with a midwife the midwife asked all these very polite, nonjudgmental questions like "Have you ever been a sex worker?" and just took it all down. THEY would not bat an eye. I'm not so sure about a regular OB-GYN - they spend at most ten minutes with you, often significantly less, and it's just a very fast, assembly-line kind of check. And I remember going for the first time as a virgin and being asked over and over by the nurse, doctor, everyone if I was sexually active as if I just didn't know what that phrase meant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, go to a midwife. They will enjoy having you as a patient and getting to talk with you, make sure you are comfortable, explain, exam you in whatever order you want, etc. At my first well-woman exam with a midwife the midwife asked all these very polite, nonjudgmental questions like "Have you ever been a sex worker?" and just took it all down. THEY would not bat an eye. I'm not so sure about a regular OB-GYN - they spend at most ten minutes with you, often significantly less, and it's just a very fast, assembly-line kind of check. And I remember going for the first time as a virgin and being asked over and over by the nurse, doctor, everyone if I was sexually active as if I just didn't know what that phrase meant.

I totally get what you're saying and am considering it, but as someone who is already nervous -- isn't it going to make me more nervous (or creep me out) to have to sit through a long conversation and talk about my health and my hopes and dreams and have someone explaining every little detail -- just because that adds a lot of time? I mean I'm looking for someone sensitive but wouldn't mind being in and out in 10 min as that may be all that I can handle. I'm know a midwife would do things they think would make me relax, but would they actually -- or would I be just as nervous just prolonging the inevitable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a virgin until 25 and this always made me nervous too. I'd get so anxious anticipating asking for a smaller speculum but it was never a big deal when the time came. They aren't going to bust out laughing at you.

Be who you are and don't act embarrassed or apologetic. It's possible that a nurse or maybe even the dr. gives you the side eye or asks you incredulously a few times whether you've ever been sexually active. Stay calm and just say no; if the attitude is really getting on your nerves you can say once "no -- for religious reasons," and that'll generally shut people up if they're being rude. Even if they act obnoxious, don't be afraid to speak up for yourself once the exam starts. If the speculum hurts or you feel a lot of pressure during the bimanual, say it. They can grab a smaller speculum (if they don't start with the smallest already); during the bimanual, there may not be a lot they can do as they do need to push down but if you need them to take it easy or if you need to stop for a minute -- don't be afraid to voice that just because they acted obnoxious initially. Remember you are paying for this service.

The PP is right -- they're not going to bust out laughing. And yours is not the type of thing that they will even talk about after the fact (not that it should matter) -- it's just not that interesting. The cases that get talked about aren't "this 35 yr old hadn't had sex before and she said the bimanual hurt," because there are many many people who've have sex daily who still flinch all the way through the exam. The cases that get talked about are the truly bizarre ones -- like this lady stuck a cucumber up there and couldn't get it out and it rotted. (I'm a nurse and that case is legend in our office.)

[Anonymous]

I agree with going to a midwife. And the whole thing is MUCH faster than you can imagine. I still get a little nervous right before, and after I think "that was quick".

Good luck, OP! You're doing the right thing by going, and it's not an easy decision to make!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also be aware that some gynocologists put there figure in your butt without any warning at that. Doesn't hurt but man it's awkward.

I was going to mention this also. Always takes me by surprise. They do it right after they remove the speculum.

I had this...age 40 just after gyno pelvic exam. Gyno is checking for polyps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also be aware that some gynocologists put there figure in your butt without any warning at that. Doesn't hurt but man it's awkward.

I was going to mention this also. Always takes me by surprise. They do it right after they remove the speculum.

I call troll. This has never happened to me and I have no idea why a GYN would do this. Seems very bizarre to me.

Troll, troll, troll. Also, really cruel to try and play with OP. OP this does NOT happen. The other advice you've had is very good, but this idiot is trying to wind you up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, go to a midwife. They will enjoy having you as a patient and getting to talk with you, make sure you are comfortable, explain, exam you in whatever order you want, etc. At my first well-woman exam with a midwife the midwife asked all these very polite, nonjudgmental questions like "Have you ever been a sex worker?" and just took it all down. THEY would not bat an eye. I'm not so sure about a regular OB-GYN - they spend at most ten minutes with you, often significantly less, and it's just a very fast, assembly-line kind of check. And I remember going for the first time as a virgin and being asked over and over by the nurse, doctor, everyone if I was sexually active as if I just didn't know what that phrase meant.

I totally get what you're saying and am considering it, but as someone who is already nervous -- isn't it going to make me more nervous (or creep me out) to have to sit through a long conversation and talk about my health and my hopes and dreams and have someone explaining every little detail -- just because that adds a lot of time? I mean I'm looking for someone sensitive but wouldn't mind being in and out in 10 min as that may be all that I can handle. I'm know a midwife would do things they think would make me relax, but would they actually -- or would I be just as nervous just prolonging the inevitable?

No, it will be less creepy, and the actual exam is incredibly quick, whoever does it. It's just that they will tailor the visit to your actual health issues rather than try to fit you in a box that doesn't make sense for you. I go to a midwife for my well woman checks because it is less creepy and more helpful, and I am a married almost-40 yo who has given birth multiple times. OB-GYNs are reallly more focused on pregnancy. They do well woman checks, but the OB element is a huge part of their practice. Once I was done having kids, I wanted someone who would focus on my health rather than just birth control/postpartum issues and a thirty-second exam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also be aware that some gynocologists put there figure in your butt without any warning at that. Doesn't hurt but man it's awkward.

I was going to mention this also. Always takes me by surprise. They do it right after they remove the speculum.

I call troll. This has never happened to me and I have no idea why a GYN would do this. Seems very bizarre to me.

Troll, troll, troll. Also, really cruel to try and play with OP. OP this does NOT happen. The other advice you've had is very good, but this idiot is trying to wind you up.

I'm quite surprised that all GYNs don't do the rectal exam. I've always gotten one when I go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, don't like to your GYN. It is best for them to know the truth so they can best treat you. I don't see this as a cause for embarrassment. I see my multiple partners as reason for embarrassment.

This! don't be embarrassed. tell the truth. I love dr. Pardo at Foxhall OB/GYN. She has an excellent bedside manner and I would feel comfortable telling her anything.

[Anonymous]

They will know if you had sex or not. If you don't use tampons, your hymen will be intact. Don't lie to your doctor. Then they can't help you

[Anonymous]

You don't need to lie. Just explain the truth, ask any questions you want and ask them to walk you through an exam.

But seriously, OP, go and HAVE AN EXAM. Your health deserves attention. Ob/gyn conditions don't arise just from wear and tear; virgins can have medical problems too. You need regular ob/gyn care. Don't discount the possibilities just because you haven't been sexually active.