Bad sex

[Anonymous]

This happened to me OP. Sex was really underwhelming, even for a first time. Kissing was bad, I got less aroused the more he touched me, etc. I kept seeing him since I liked him otherwise, and tried to make it work. I told him what I liked, asked him what he liked, and managed to fantasize myself into orgasms for quite a while. I even married him, thinking that mind-blowing sex was not the most important thing in marriage and that we would continue to work on it. Well, it just got worse and worse over time. He eventually told me he hated me telling him what to do in bed, so I stopped and so did my orgasms. 5 years later we are getting divorced. Take my advice and if things don't SIGNIFICANTLY improve in the next 3-4 times, move on and save everyone a lot of grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me OP. Sex was really underwhelming, even for a first time. Kissing was bad, I got less aroused the more he touched me, etc. I kept seeing him since I liked him otherwise, and tried to make it work. I told him what I liked, asked him what he liked, and managed to fantasize myself into orgasms for quite a while. I even married him, thinking that mind-blowing sex was not the most important thing in marriage and that we would continue to work on it. Well, it just got worse and worse over time. He eventually told me he hated me telling him what to do in bed, so I stopped and so did my orgasms. 5 years later we are getting divorced. Take my advice and if things don't SIGNIFICANTLY improve in the next 3-4 times, move on and save everyone a lot of grief.

Sigh. This is me, except I'm 10yrs and 2 kids in and no way am I shattering their world. My DH is also open to suggestions. I do indeed have to fantasize myself into orgasm and cannot orgasm while looking at him. This lack of chemistry has only gotten worse over the years. I feel bad...I married my best friend, Ive tolerated it , but feel terribly sad that I will never have good sex again before I die. I'm kind of looking forward to menopause when my sex drive will die and I'll no longer care And long for good sex.

However this was all my fault. I should have not confused him being a wonderful person and a heart of gold with him being marriage material for me. I cheated him too because he could have had a chance at a woman who found him irresistible. All and all it's sad for both of us. Hopefully he's not clued in. I do try to keep sex at twice a week And make the best of it. My advice to OP is proceed with caution and don't force it. Despite what some of these guys say, sometimes you gotta cut your losses early or else you'll be me, in too deep to get out.

[Anonymous]

I think it's worth distinguishing between sex that is bad because one (or both) partners is just naïvely lacking experience and skills, and sex that is bad because there is a fundamental incompatibility, due to lack of chemistry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's worth distinguishing between sex that is bad because one (or both) partners is just naïvely lacking experience and skills, and sex that is bad because there is a fundamental incompatibility, due to lack of chemistry.

It's hard to distinguish when you think you can "coach" an otherwise very nice person...we tend to play mind games to try to make it work and end up with the short straw. Sex is too critical to a healthy relationship to mess around in the early stages trying to fix it.

[Anonymous]

I tried to show my husband what worked for me. He understood what I meant and would do the very bare minimum if I stood my ground and didn't just give in to get it over with. But at that point, we both just resented each other. He also became a worse kisser as time went on. It was really about laziness. His solution was that I use a toy like most of his prior partners. He was willing to spend a ton on latex and batteries to avoid 10 minutes of touching me and paying attention to my responses.