DD experienced racism in the classroom. How to handle.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think this incident was terrible and I would be upset, too. If she's already decided to transfer, though, seeking resolution is moot, especially at a school that you compare to NC State. If you want to manage her college experience, and by that I simply mean have relationships with a dean such that your complaint will be heard, have administrators who care about her classroom experience and the atmosphere on campus, send her to a smaller school.

[Anonymous]

OP should not be "managing" her daughter's college experience. What is the matter with you?

[Anonymous]

I re-read OP's comments and other than being adamant about not paying for a college that her daughter is uncomfortable with, I didn't see anywhere that she states she is "managing" her daughter's experience.

If her daughter chooses to leave or even not return to that class, that's her prerogative. I didn't re-read all of the posts so I'm not sure if OP said she would "manage" the experience. But I saw numerous posts suggesting that's what OP is doing.

Big difference in what OP says and what others say making their words OP's words. I stand corrected if there are posts where OP specifically says she's going to "manage" DC's experience. But with that said, I don't blame OP one bit for talking to her daughter about such an awful experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter recently told me about something that happened in class.

There was a discussion about gay marriage and adoption. The Professor said something about how she'd talked with black men about it and many of them objected. A student called out "That's why they're in jail, just send them there."

After the comment, everybody in class started laughing loudly, including the Professor who tried to say "that's not nice" between her laughter.

My daughter was among 3 other black students in the class. She did not speak up (and neither did they), but she says she was VERY upset, angry to the point of shaking. She says she contemplated just walking out of the class and leaving school for the rest of the year.

I am LIVID!! I'm paying exorbitant out of state rates for her to attend a school in the South and I won't tolerate having my daughter subjected to racism ON MY DIME.

My daughter says she doesn't want the teacher to get fired and she wants to remain anonymous. How should I handle?

You don't handle. This isn't your fight. This is your daughter's. Tell her to go to the office of diversity affairs, or whatever equivalent there is. But YOU don't do anything. She's an adult, right? Let her handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this comment from a student as offensive as black professors who make a point of disparaging "dead white males" in front of the white students in their classes? My DS told me that's what one of his professors did and that it made him feel unwelcome in her class, as if she felt white males could safely be mocked.

I am trying real hard to figure out why your DS saw this as white people being mocked. Its a cliche thats thrown around to refer to the traditional cannon. Mostly I've heard it mentioned by white men and the point is that the traditional cannon is limited and should be expanded. How is this any worse than sitting in a history and learning about what white people did to enforce Jim Crowe? If you can't hear about white people in any kind of negative light, you don't belong in college. And the phrase "dead white males" isn't even a criticism of white men, its just shorthand for the fact that students should be studying MORE than those writers and thinkers.

I think your son just doesn't understand. Maybe these classes are too advanced for him.

Good grief! That phrase was used when I was in college over 25 years ago, and everyone understood what it meant, black, white, green, purple.

dead white European male
Syllabification: dead white Eu·ro·pe·an male
Pronunciation:
(also dead white male)
NOUN

• informal
A writer, philosopher, or other significant figure whose importance and talents may have been exaggerated by virtue of his belonging to a historically dominant gender and ethnic group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter recently told me about something that happened in class.

There was a discussion about gay marriage and adoption. The Professor said something about how she'd talked with black men about it and many of them objected. A student called out "That's why they're in jail, just send them there."

After the comment, everybody in class started laughing loudly, including the Professor who tried to say "that's not nice" between her laughter.

My daughter was among 3 other black students in the class. She did not speak up (and neither did they), but she says she was VERY upset, angry to the point of shaking. She says she contemplated just walking out of the class and leaving school for the rest of the year.

I am LIVID!! I'm paying exorbitant out of state rates for her to attend a school in the South and I won't tolerate having my daughter subjected to racism ON MY DIME.

My daughter says she doesn't want the teacher to get fired and she wants to remain anonymous. How should I handle?

You don't handle. This isn't your fight. This is your daughter's. Tell her to go to the office of diversity affairs,[b] or whatever equivalent there is. But YOU don't do anything. She's an adult, right? Let her handle it.

Not a bad idea to go to the Office of Diversity Affairs. However, talking to your daughter and relating any similar experiences that you encountered would empower her. Don't email and don't call. But, most definitely, be there for her. This is a disheartening experience for her albeit an opportunity for growth and realization that will not be the first and definitely not the last time she will be exposed to boorish attitudes and behavior. Armed with your experience and how you dealt with it will go a long way in helping her to stand on her own two feet. And you stay in her corner.

[Anonymous]

AM I CRAZY???!!!!

Am I the only one who thinks this should've rolled off DD's back with a thought of "dumb ass" and an eye roll?

Before anyone starts, I'm the AA female who's preparing to send her own DC off to college, and for the life of me I can't understand going to a Diversity office, emailing a dean/professor, etc. This was nothing more than a dumb ass making a dumb ass comment. If she'd been physically assaulted or if this was even an ongoing thing, then I could see the point. But it's not. It's one comment that she should not even be thinking about a week later. But if it's blown into a federal case, it becomes a much bigger deal than it ever needed to be. Teach DD to have a thicker skin instead of reacting to every little comment and blowing things out of proportion. That child will never live in peace if her approach to living is to address every single slight by every single dumb ass.

Perhaps it's my background of being the only black girl in the class--in a small town. I heard the racist jokes, been asked racist questions and sat in class with teachers who were either insensitive, didn't hear or didn't care. And never ONCE in HS did I ever even mention the comments to my parents. Every class has dumb ass clowns in it (especially in HS), so I just thought of them as the dumb ass clowns and kept it moving. There were a few who seemed well-meaning and genuinely curious about black people, but I attributed their questions to ignorance and innocence. I'd hate to think of who I'd be today if my mother taught me by her actions that I was a victim, that I should react to every negative comment and that everyone up to the Superintendent needed to know about how badly her baby was being mistreated and that ignorant comments would not be tolerated! Not around her baby and not on her tax payer dime. Humph!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AM I CRAZY???!!!!

Am I the only one who thinks this should've rolled off DD's back with a thought of "dumb ass" and an eye roll?

Before anyone starts, I'm the AA female who's preparing to send her own DC off to college, and for the life of me I can't understand going to a Diversity office, emailing a dean/professor, etc. This was nothing more than a dumb ass making a dumb ass comment. If she'd been physically assaulted or if this was even an ongoing thing, then I could see the point. But it's not. It's one comment that she should not even be thinking about a week later. But if it's blown into a federal case, it becomes a much bigger deal than it ever needed to be. Teach DD to have a thicker skin instead of reacting to every little comment and blowing things out of proportion. That child will never live in peace if her approach to living is to address every single slight by every single dumb ass.

Perhaps it's my background of being the only black girl in the class--in a small town. I heard the racist jokes, been asked racist questions and sat in class with teachers who were either insensitive, didn't hear or didn't care. And never ONCE in HS did I ever even mention the comments to my parents. Every class has dumb ass clowns in it (especially in HS), so I just thought of them as the dumb ass clowns and kept it moving. There were a few who seemed well-meaning and genuinely curious about black people, but I attributed their questions to ignorance and innocence. I'd hate to think of who I'd be today if my mother taught me by her actions that I was a victim, that I should react to every negative comment and that everyone up to the Superintendent needed to know about how badly her baby was being mistreated and that ignorant comments would not be tolerated! Not around her baby and not on her tax payer dime. Humph!

Calm down. Your experiences may not mirror OP's daughter's experiences. One size does not fit all in how things occur and how they're handled.

I'm sure OP understands that calling or emailing the school is not a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AM I CRAZY???!!!!

Am I the only one who thinks this should've rolled off DD's back with a thought of "dumb ass" and an eye roll?

Before anyone starts, I'm the AA female who's preparing to send her own DC off to college, and for the life of me I can't understand going to a Diversity office, emailing a dean/professor, etc. This was nothing more than a dumb ass making a dumb ass comment. If she'd been physically assaulted or if this was even an ongoing thing, then I could see the point. But it's not. It's one comment that she should not even be thinking about a week later. But if it's blown into a federal case, it becomes a much bigger deal than it ever needed to be. Teach DD to have a thicker skin instead of reacting to every little comment and blowing things out of proportion. That child will never live in peace if her approach to living is to address every single slight by every single dumb ass.

Perhaps it's my background of being the only black girl in the class--in a small town. I heard the racist jokes, been asked racist questions and sat in class with teachers who were either insensitive, didn't hear or didn't care. And never ONCE in HS did I ever even mention the comments to my parents. Every class has dumb ass clowns in it (especially in HS), so I just thought of them as the dumb ass clowns and kept it moving. There were a few who seemed well-meaning and genuinely curious about black people, but I attributed their questions to ignorance and innocence. I'd hate to think of who I'd be today if my mother taught me by her actions that I was a victim, that I should react to every negative comment and that everyone up to the Superintendent needed to know about how badly her baby was being mistreated and that ignorant comments would not be tolerated! Not around her baby and not on her tax payer dime. Humph!

Calm down. Your experiences may not mirror OP's daughter's experiences. One size does not fit all in how things occur and how they're handled.

I'm sure OP understands that calling or emailing the school is not a good idea.

As a college professor I can assure you that many parents do think it is a good idea. Actually not parents. Mothers. I have never had a father call me about poor little Johnny. But I do have to explain to Mommy that no, little Johnny can't rewrite his exam because his tummy was sore that day and he didn't do his best. 99.9% of the time, I just refuse to speak with the mothers and tell them to have their adult child contact me directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AM I CRAZY???!!!!

Am I the only one who thinks this should've rolled off DD's back with a thought of "dumb ass" and an eye roll?

Before anyone starts, I'm the AA female who's preparing to send her own DC off to college, and for the life of me I can't understand going to a Diversity office, emailing a dean/professor, etc. This was nothing more than a dumb ass making a dumb ass comment. If she'd been physically assaulted or if this was even an ongoing thing, then I could see the point. But it's not. It's one comment that she should not even be thinking about a week later. But if it's blown into a federal case, it becomes a much bigger deal than it ever needed to be. Teach DD to have a thicker skin instead of reacting to every little comment and blowing things out of proportion. That child will never live in peace if her approach to living is to address every single slight by every single dumb ass.

Perhaps it's my background of being the only black girl in the class--in a small town. I heard the racist jokes, been asked racist questions and sat in class with teachers who were either insensitive, didn't hear or didn't care. And never ONCE in HS did I ever even mention the comments to my parents. Every class has dumb ass clowns in it (especially in HS), so I just thought of them as the dumb ass clowns and kept it moving. There were a few who seemed well-meaning and genuinely curious about black people, but I attributed their questions to ignorance and innocence. I'd hate to think of who I'd be today if my mother taught me by her actions that I was a victim, that I should react to every negative comment and that everyone up to the Superintendent needed to know about how badly her baby was being mistreated and that ignorant comments would not be tolerated! Not around her baby and not on her tax payer dime. Humph!

Calm down. Your experiences may not mirror OP's daughter's experiences. One size does not fit all in how things occur and how they're handled.

I'm sure OP understands that calling or emailing the school is not a good idea.

If you're talking about being in a classroom where an insensitive comment is made about blacks, then our experiences do mirror one another's. Though frankly, they don't have to. The bottom line is that DD needs to learn sooner rather than later to grow a thicker skin--especially as a black person. And that simply will not happen as long as Mommy's knee-jerk reaction is to contact a dean over a single comment made in class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AM I CRAZY???!!!!

Am I the only one who thinks this should've rolled off DD's back with a thought of "dumb ass" and an eye roll?

Before anyone starts, I'm the AA female who's preparing to send her own DC off to college, and for the life of me I can't understand going to a Diversity office, emailing a dean/professor, etc. This was nothing more than a dumb ass making a dumb ass comment. If she'd been physically assaulted or if this was even an ongoing thing, then I could see the point. But it's not. It's one comment that she should not even be thinking about a week later. But if it's blown into a federal case, it becomes a much bigger deal than it ever needed to be. Teach DD to have a thicker skin instead of reacting to every little comment and blowing things out of proportion. That child will never live in peace if her approach to living is to address every single slight by every single dumb ass.

Perhaps it's my background of being the only black girl in the class--in a small town. I heard the racist jokes, been asked racist questions and sat in class with teachers who were either insensitive, didn't hear or didn't care. And never ONCE in HS did I ever even mention the comments to my parents. Every class has dumb ass clowns in it (especially in HS), so I just thought of them as the dumb ass clowns and kept it moving. There were a few who seemed well-meaning and genuinely curious about black people, but I attributed their questions to ignorance and innocence. I'd hate to think of who I'd be today if my mother taught me by her actions that I was a victim, that I should react to every negative comment and that everyone up to the Superintendent needed to know about how badly her baby was being mistreated and that ignorant comments would not be tolerated! Not around her baby and not on her tax payer dime. Humph!

Calm down. Your experiences may not mirror OP's daughter's experiences. One size does not fit all in how things occur and how they're handled.

I'm sure OP understands that calling or emailing the school is not a good idea.

If you're talking about being in a classroom where an insensitive comment is made about blacks, then our experiences do mirror one another's. Though frankly, they don't have to. The bottom line is that DD needs to learn sooner rather than later to grow a thicker skin--especially as a black person. And that simply will not happen as long as Mommy's knee-jerk reaction is to contact a dean over a single comment made in class.

Fair enough. You should handle situations the way you see fit and others should do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AM I CRAZY???!!!!

Am I the only one who thinks this should've rolled off DD's back with a thought of "dumb ass" and an eye roll?

Before anyone starts, I'm the AA female who's preparing to send her own DC off to college, and for the life of me I can't understand going to a Diversity office, emailing a dean/professor, etc. This was nothing more than a dumb ass making a dumb ass comment. If she'd been physically assaulted or if this was even an ongoing thing, then I could see the point. But it's not. It's one comment that she should not even be thinking about a week later. But if it's blown into a federal case, it becomes a much bigger deal than it ever needed to be. Teach DD to have a thicker skin instead of reacting to every little comment and blowing things out of proportion. That child will never live in peace if her approach to living is to address every single slight by every single dumb ass.

Perhaps it's my background of being the only black girl in the class--in a small town. I heard the racist jokes, been asked racist questions and sat in class with teachers who were either insensitive, didn't hear or didn't care. And never ONCE in HS did I ever even mention the comments to my parents. Every class has dumb ass clowns in it (especially in HS), so I just thought of them as the dumb ass clowns and kept it moving. There were a few who seemed well-meaning and genuinely curious about black people, but I attributed their questions to ignorance and innocence. I'd hate to think of who I'd be today if my mother taught me by her actions that I was a victim, that I should react to every negative comment and that everyone up to the Superintendent needed to know about how badly her baby was being mistreated and that ignorant comments would not be tolerated! Not around her baby and not on her tax payer dime. Humph!

Calm down. Your experiences may not mirror OP's daughter's experiences. One size does not fit all in how things occur and how they're handled.

I'm sure OP understands that calling or emailing the school is not a good idea.

If you're talking about being in a classroom where an insensitive comment is made about blacks, then our experiences do mirror one another's. Though frankly, they don't have to. The bottom line is that DD needs to learn sooner rather than later to grow a thicker skin--especially as a black person. And that simply will not happen as long as Mommy's knee-jerk reaction is to contact a dean over a single comment made in class.

OP is an adult and while you may not agree with her, being disrespectful and angry turns a deaf ear even if some of your points may be valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AM I CRAZY???!!!!

Am I the only one who thinks this should've rolled off DD's back with a thought of "dumb ass" and an eye roll?

Before anyone starts, I'm the AA female who's preparing to send her own DC off to college, and for the life of me I can't understand going to a Diversity office, emailing a dean/professor, etc. This was nothing more than a dumb ass making a dumb ass comment. If she'd been physically assaulted or if this was even an ongoing thing, then I could see the point. But it's not. It's one comment that she should not even be thinking about a week later. But if it's blown into a federal case, it becomes a much bigger deal than it ever needed to be. Teach DD to have a thicker skin instead of reacting to every little comment and blowing things out of proportion. That child will never live in peace if her approach to living is to address every single slight by every single dumb ass.

Perhaps it's my background of being the only black girl in the class--in a small town. I heard the racist jokes, been asked racist questions and sat in class with teachers who were either insensitive, didn't hear or didn't care. And never ONCE in HS did I ever even mention the comments to my parents. Every class has dumb ass clowns in it (especially in HS), so I just thought of them as the dumb ass clowns and kept it moving. There were a few who seemed well-meaning and genuinely curious about black people, but I attributed their questions to ignorance and innocence. I'd hate to think of who I'd be today if my mother taught me by her actions that I was a victim, that I should react to every negative comment and that everyone up to the Superintendent needed to know about how badly her baby was being mistreated and that ignorant comments would not be tolerated! Not around her baby and not on her tax payer dime. Humph!

Calm down. Your experiences may not mirror OP's daughter's experiences. One size does not fit all in how things occur and how they're handled.

I'm sure OP understands that calling or emailing the school is not a good idea.

As a college professor I can assure you that many parents do think it is a good idea. Actually not parents. Mothers. I have never had a father call me about poor little Johnny. But I do have to explain to Mommy that no, little Johnny can't rewrite his exam because his tummy was sore that day and he didn't do his best. 99.9% of the time, I just refuse to speak with the mothers and tell them to have their adult child contact me directly.

You must be one of a very few phone accessible professors. Back in the day, my profs never answered the phone, and we didn't have email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AM I CRAZY???!!!!

Am I the only one who thinks this should've rolled off DD's back with a thought of "dumb ass" and an eye roll?

Before anyone starts, I'm the AA female who's preparing to send her own DC off to college, and for the life of me I can't understand going to a Diversity office, emailing a dean/professor, etc. This was nothing more than a dumb ass making a dumb ass comment. If she'd been physically assaulted or if this was even an ongoing thing, then I could see the point. But it's not. It's one comment that she should not even be thinking about a week later. But if it's blown into a federal case, it becomes a much bigger deal than it ever needed to be. Teach DD to have a thicker skin instead of reacting to every little comment and blowing things out of proportion. That child will never live in peace if her approach to living is to address every single slight by every single dumb ass.

Perhaps it's my background of being the only black girl in the class--in a small town. I heard the racist jokes, been asked racist questions and sat in class with teachers who were either insensitive, didn't hear or didn't care. And never ONCE in HS did I ever even mention the comments to my parents. Every class has dumb ass clowns in it (especially in HS), so I just thought of them as the dumb ass clowns and kept it moving. There were a few who seemed well-meaning and genuinely curious about black people, but I attributed their questions to ignorance and innocence. I'd hate to think of who I'd be today if my mother taught me by her actions that I was a victim, that I should react to every negative comment and that everyone up to the Superintendent needed to know about how badly her baby was being mistreated and that ignorant comments would not be tolerated! Not around her baby and not on her tax payer dime. Humph!

I agree that it is good to develop a thicker skin. For her own sake, it is better not to give too much energy or emotion to some dumbass who makes a racist comment.

But this is a learning environment. As a white person, and someone who has been a teacher, I would want to know if I said something inappropriate that made a minority student feel uncomfortable. If I had A child in that classroom, I would not want that child think that what happened was okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AM I CRAZY???!!!!

Am I the only one who thinks this should've rolled off DD's back with a thought of "dumb ass" and an eye roll?

Before anyone starts, I'm the AA female who's preparing to send her own DC off to college, and for the life of me I can't understand going to a Diversity office, emailing a dean/professor, etc. This was nothing more than a dumb ass making a dumb ass comment. If she'd been physically assaulted or if this was even an ongoing thing, then I could see the point. But it's not. It's one comment that she should not even be thinking about a week later. But if it's blown into a federal case, it becomes a much bigger deal than it ever needed to be. Teach DD to have a thicker skin instead of reacting to every little comment and blowing things out of proportion. That child will never live in peace if her approach to living is to address every single slight by every single dumb ass.

Perhaps it's my background of being the only black girl in the class--in a small town. I heard the racist jokes, been asked racist questions and sat in class with teachers who were either insensitive, didn't hear or didn't care. And never ONCE in HS did I ever even mention the comments to my parents. Every class has dumb ass clowns in it (especially in HS), so I just thought of them as the dumb ass clowns and kept it moving. There were a few who seemed well-meaning and genuinely curious about black people, but I attributed their questions to ignorance and innocence. I'd hate to think of who I'd be today if my mother taught me by her actions that I was a victim, that I should react to every negative comment and that everyone up to the Superintendent needed to know about how badly her baby was being mistreated and that ignorant comments would not be tolerated! Not around her baby and not on her tax payer dime. Humph!

I agree that it is good to develop a thicker skin. For her own sake, it is better not to give too much energy or emotion to some dumbass who makes a racist comment.

But this is a learning environment. As a white person, and someone who has been a teacher, I would want to know if I said something inappropriate that made a minority student feel uncomfortable. If I had A child in that classroom, I would not want that child think that what happened was okay.

I had the thick skin of an elephant (in college and now) but I had no problem picking up the phone to talk to my mother if there was something on my mind. And my mother never admonished me for seeking her advice and using her as a sounding board. Where is it written that you have to go it alone and not seek out the opinion of someone you trust just because you're in college?

No, OP should not fight her DC's battles but if DC needs to blow off some steam, it's nice to know that there's someone there she can trust. If I didn't have a close, trusted confidant, I probably would've jumped on the phone to rant to my mother instead of cursing the chucklehead out who make that ignorant comment in DC's class.