DD experienced racism in the classroom. How to handle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am with a previous poster. I don't get it at all.

Here is what I am reading - the class was holding a discussion on gay marriage and adoption. The Professor told the class she was going to go and seek the opinion of black males on the topic. The class objected to her seeking the opinion of black males and to illustrate their point one of them said "That's why they're in jail, just send them there." I am not getting the gay marriage - adoption -jail -black males connection at all.

I think you're reading it wrong.

I read it as:
They were talking about gay marriage and adoption. The professor talked about how many black males objected to the morality of allowing gay people to adopt (likely discussing the different reactions to it across races/cultures) and the student implied that black people should just be in jail because not only are they criminals, but they're criminals with bad opinions. Rather ironic actually, being against gay adoptions = jail-worthy, being racist = laugh-worthy. Also it wasn't even a funny joke.

I don't get it either. They're in jail, just send them there. That sentence doesn't even make sense to me. I doubt an entire college class believes all black males should be in jail. I don't even get how it is a joke. None of it makes sense. I imagine most laughed because they didn't get it - that nervous laughter as they were reacting in the moment. Or else something else was said. I have the luxury of rereading it multiple times and I still don't understand what was said. I do get that it sounds like the intention was to be disparaging but I don't get the relevance of the statement to the conversation they were having or even what was meant by the statement itself. I don't think I'd be able to start a class conversation about it and I am an adult as I don't understand it well enough to speak to it.

[Anonymous]

It's a twist in logic meaning if black males have a negative antiquated stereotype that gays shouldn't adopt then the negative antiquated stereotype that they are all in jail is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a twist in logic meaning if black males have a negative antiquated stereotype that gays shouldn't adopt then the negative antiquated stereotype that they are all in jail is true.

You're giving this douchebag to much credit. The implication is that no one cares about the (supposed) bigoted comments of black men since most of them are in jail and the (supposed) bigoted black men can join them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter recently told me about something that happened in class.

There was a discussion about gay marriage and adoption. The Professor said something about how she'd talked with black men about it and many of them objected. A student called out "That's why they're in jail, just send them there."

After the comment, everybody in class started laughing loudly, including the Professor who tried to say "that's not nice" between her laughter.

My daughter was among 3 other black students in the class. She did not speak up (and neither did they), but she says she was VERY upset, angry to the point of shaking. She says she contemplated just walking out of the class and leaving school for the rest of the year.

I am LIVID!! I'm paying exorbitant out of state rates for her to attend a school in the South and I won't tolerate having my daughter subjected to racism ON MY DIME.

My daughter says she doesn't want the teacher to get fired and she wants to remain anonymous. How should I handle?

That is awful.

I am hoping the professor was doing the "nervous laugh bc I don't know how to respond to this" laugh but even still a professor is a role model and a grown up and should have reacted by stonily telling the racist jokester that was an inappropriate comment and telling the students not to laugh.

It is possible the prof is now going over in her head that she should not have done this and wishes she had reacted differently. But, if she was sincerely laughing, that's a huge issue.

I think your daughter needs to complain. But I'm not sure how, or the timing. Let me think....

Yes, I think from your description of it, OP, that there is a chance the professor would be regretful that she said this. If your daughter feels brave enough to do it, she should confront the professor directly. Chances are it will have an impact. However, this is hard for many people to do and it's not without risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this comment from a student as offensive as black professors who make a point of disparaging "dead white males" in front of the white students in their classes? My DS told me that's what one of his professors did and that it made him feel unwelcome in her class, as if she felt white males could safely be mocked.

I am trying real hard to figure out why your DS saw this as white people being mocked. Its a cliche thats thrown around to refer to the traditional cannon. Mostly I've heard it mentioned by white men and the point is that the traditional cannon is limited and should be expanded. How is this any worse than sitting in a history and learning about what white people did to enforce Jim Crowe? If you can't hear about white people in any kind of negative light, you don't belong in college. And the phrase "dead white males" isn't even a criticism of white men, its just shorthand for the fact that students should be studying MORE than those writers and thinkers.

I think your son just doesn't understand. Maybe these classes are too advanced for him.

[Anonymous]

OP, sorry this happened to your daughter. I too don't quite get the "joke" but obviously it upset your daughter. I think that you should let your daughter handle the first steps in this. I don't agree with the posters who seem to say that you should back out of it completely- your child is only 18 and while she needs to learn how to handle these kinds of situations herself, it's unrealistic to expect she'll know what to do/how to handle without benefiting from your more nuanced and experienced perspective.

I think you handled it well. I would also encourage her to speak to the professor privately to have the woman explain herself and to let her know that she found the situation offensive.

I'm Asian and have heard my share of racist comments from students and teachers. I wish my parents would've guided and empowered me similarly.

Good luck and I hope your daughter won't let this deter her from befriending all white students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, sorry this happened to your daughter. I too don't quite get the "joke" but obviously it upset your daughter. I think that you should let your daughter handle the first steps in this. I don't agree with the posters who seem to say that you should back out of it completely- your child is only 18 and while she needs to learn how to handle these kinds of situations herself, it's unrealistic to expect she'll know what to do/how to handle without benefiting from your more nuanced and experienced perspective.

I think you handled it well. I would also encourage her to speak to the professor privately to have the woman explain herself and to let her know that she found the situation offensive.

I'm Asian and have heard my share of racist comments from students and teachers. I wish my parents would've guided and empowered me similarly.

Good luck and I hope your daughter won't let this deter her from befriending all white students.

Her daughter is 18 and an adult. The whole point of parenting is to teach your kids the skills they need to handle themselves so that they can be competent adults. By 18, she should have these skills and be turning to her mom for guidance or support but not to take over or live her life for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, sorry this happened to your daughter. I too don't quite get the "joke" but obviously it upset your daughter. I think that you should let your daughter handle the first steps in this. I don't agree with the posters who seem to say that you should back out of it completely- your child is only 18 and while she needs to learn how to handle these kinds of situations herself, it's unrealistic to expect she'll know what to do/how to handle without benefiting from your more nuanced and experienced perspective.

I think you handled it well. I would also encourage her to speak to the professor privately to have the woman explain herself and to let her know that she found the situation offensive.

I'm Asian and have heard my share of racist comments from students and teachers. I wish my parents would've guided and empowered me similarly.

Good luck and I hope your daughter won't let this deter her from befriending all white students.

Her daughter is 18 and an adult. The whole point of parenting is to teach your kids the skills they need to handle themselves so that they can be competent adults. By 18, she should have these skills and be turning to her mom for guidance or support but not to take over or live her life for her.

That's exactly what I said. I didn't say her mom should do it for her; I said her mom should guide and support her, hence my statement that you bolded. I never said her mom should storm the dean's office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, sorry this happened to your daughter. I too don't quite get the "joke" but obviously it upset your daughter. I think that you should let your daughter handle the first steps in this. I don't agree with the posters who seem to say that you should back out of it completely- your child is only 18 and while she needs to learn how to handle these kinds of situations herself, it's unrealistic to expect she'll know what to do/how to handle without benefiting from your more nuanced and experienced perspective.

I think you handled it well. I would also encourage her to speak to the professor privately to have the woman explain herself and to let her know that she found the situation offensive.

I'm Asian and have heard my share of racist comments from students and teachers. I wish my parents would've guided and empowered me similarly.

Good luck and I hope your daughter won't let this deter her from befriending all white students.

Her daughter is 18 and an adult. The whole point of parenting is to teach your kids the skills they need to handle themselves so that they can be competent adults. By 18, she should have these skills and be turning to her mom for guidance or support but not to take over or live her life for her.

There are certain life "skills" that come with experience. Learning about practical racism versus theoretical (textbook) is wholly different. She may have just gotten her first racist experience in the classroom. If she had not experienced it before, other than reading about it or seeing it on television, then talking about it with her AA mother was absolutely, positively the best move.

It has nothing about being 18 and adult but more about exposure. OP's daughter can best learn from her mother's life experiences. OP, I am truly sorry this happened to your daughter and a sad welcome to the real world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, sorry this happened to your daughter. I too don't quite get the "joke" but obviously it upset your daughter. I think that you should let your daughter handle the first steps in this. I don't agree with the posters who seem to say that you should back out of it completely- your child is only 18 and while she needs to learn how to handle these kinds of situations herself, it's unrealistic to expect she'll know what to do/how to handle without benefiting from your more nuanced and experienced perspective.

I think you handled it well. I would also encourage her to speak to the professor privately to have the woman explain herself and to let her know that she found the situation offensive.

I'm Asian and have heard my share of racist comments from students and teachers. I wish my parents would've guided and empowered me similarly.

Good luck and I hope your daughter won't let this deter her from befriending all white students.

Her daughter is 18 and an adult. The whole point of parenting is to teach your kids the skills they need to handle themselves so that they can be competent adults. By 18, she should have these skills and be turning to her mom for guidance or support but not to take over or live her life for her.

There are certain life "skills" that come with experience. Learning about practical racism versus theoretical (textbook) is wholly different. She may have just gotten her first racist experience in the classroom. If she had not experienced it before, other than reading about it or seeing it on television, then talking about it with her AA mother was absolutely, positively the best move.

It has nothing about being 18 and adult but more about exposure. OP's daughter can best learn from her mother's life experiences. OP, I am truly sorry this happened to your daughter and a sad welcome to the real world.

PP again. There are millions of AA parents who empower and instruct their young teen and young adult children who drive to place both hands on top of the steering wheel when stopped by police. Don't go digging for your license until the officer approaches your car and watches while you get your license and registration.

This information comes from life experiences of others. There are just some negative experiences that needn't be experienced to allow you to mature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am with a previous poster. I don't get it at all.

Here is what I am reading - the class was holding a discussion on gay marriage and adoption. The Professor told the class she was going to go and seek the opinion of black males on the topic. The class objected to her seeking the opinion of black males and to illustrate their point one of them said "That's why they're in jail, just send them there." I am not getting the gay marriage - adoption -jail -black males connection at all.

I think you're reading it wrong.

I read it as:
They were talking about gay marriage and adoption. The professor talked about how many black males objected to the morality of allowing gay people to adopt (likely discussing the different reactions to it across races/cultures) and the student implied that black people should just be in jail because not only are they criminals, but they're criminals with bad opinions. Rather ironic actually, being against gay adoptions = jail-worthy, being racist = laugh-worthy. Also it wasn't even a funny joke.

I don't get it either. They're in jail, just send them there. That sentence doesn't even make sense to me. I doubt an entire college class believes all black males should be in jail. I don't even get how it is a joke. None of it makes sense. I imagine most laughed because they didn't get it - that nervous laughter as they were reacting in the moment. Or else something else was said. I have the luxury of rereading it multiple times and I still don't understand what was said. I do get that it sounds like the intention was to be disparaging but I don't get the relevance of the statement to the conversation they were having or even what was meant by the statement itself. I don't think I'd be able to start a class conversation about it and I am an adult as I don't understand it well enough to speak to it.

I am the original PP being responded too and even with the explanation, I am still not seeing it. I am with the PP above. Did kids laugh because one of them did or the professor did so they thought they should too? Maybe even the professor didn't get but decided to just go along?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While you and your daughter are absolutely right, I would not say anything and get through the class and then complain after she gets her grade. I had an issue in a class and complained and when it didn't work, went over the professors head (safety issue, not comments I did not agree with) and while the other professor got me out of the situation (internship), it followed me until I graduated. That professor and a few others treated me very poorly. It sucks, but in the real world things happen. Tell her not all white people feel that way, but she isn't going to change a racist, especially in that environment. I'd encourage her to transfer to a more diverse school that is more welcoming. (P.S. my child is adopted and I'd tell her the same thing if there were adoption comments - some situations I would speak up but not in a situation like this). It is good to advocate for yourself but in this situation you cannot change crazy.

But why should this be tolerated and let slip? This professor deserves to be fired.

So free speech only is permitted when people say things that black students like to hear? What nonsense. The daughter needed to raise her own voice, whether to say that black males don't all hold the same opinion on gay marriage and adoption, she found it offensive for another student (this good ole' boy who apparently is racist, but not homophobic) to suggest older black men were all in prison, whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this comment from a student as offensive as black professors who make a point of disparaging "dead white males" in front of the white students in their classes? My DS told me that's what one of his professors did and that it made him feel unwelcome in her class, as if she felt white males could safely be mocked.

I am trying real hard to figure out why your DS saw this as white people being mocked. Its a cliche thats thrown around to refer to the traditional cannon. Mostly I've heard it mentioned by white men and the point is that the traditional cannon is limited and should be expanded. How is this any worse than sitting in a history and learning about what white people did to enforce Jim Crowe? If you can't hear about white people in any kind of negative light, you don't belong in college. And the phrase "dead white males" isn't even a criticism of white men, its just shorthand for the fact that students should be studying MORE than those writers and thinkers.

I think your son just doesn't understand. Maybe these classes are too advanced for him.

Fortunately, he won't have to take any more classes with this professor. He is an engineering major and I'm pretty sure he'll make more in his first five years out of school than this agit-prop professor will make in her lifetime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this comment from a student as offensive as black professors who make a point of disparaging "dead white males" in front of the white students in their classes? My DS told me that's what one of his professors did and that it made him feel unwelcome in her class, as if she felt white males could safely be mocked.

I am trying real hard to figure out why your DS saw this as white people being mocked. Its a cliche thats thrown around to refer to the traditional cannon. Mostly I've heard it mentioned by white men and the point is that the traditional cannon is limited and should be expanded. How is this any worse than sitting in a history and learning about what white people did to enforce Jim Crowe? If you can't hear about white people in any kind of negative light, you don't belong in college. And the phrase "dead white males" isn't even a criticism of white men, its just shorthand for the fact that students should be studying MORE than those writers and thinkers.

I think your son just doesn't understand. Maybe these classes are too advanced for him.

Fortunately, he won't have to take any more classes with this professor. He is an engineering major and I'm pretty sure he'll make more in his first five years out of school than this agit-prop professor will make in her lifetime.

Well, that's good because busting your butt working long hours to make lots of money is soooo much better than doing something you enjoy, that gives you more time to spend with family and friends--even if it doesn't make you as much money....NOT!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just had a long talk with DD and explained that I'd like this to be a teaching moment for her to handle herself. I've encouraged her to do some research on the whys of the classmate's statement. Research about stop and frisk, harassment, harsher sentencing, etc. Don't just get offended. Arm yourself with knowledge to combat ignore.

I've also encouraged her to open up the next class with a question about the student's comment and why the class found it so funny and see how the conversation goes. IME, folks make ignorant statements based off of numbers without doing the research to find out why things are the way they are. And, IME, racists rarely continue when they are confronted for their bigotry.

Hopefully, she can get the message across that quoting stats and numbers, without proper research, is ignorance.

See, this says to me that the focus of the comment was in the disproportionate amount of AA men in prison, not that no one cares what they think, they deserve to be there, or any morality judgment. But again, it's still unclear. And for this reason it's imperative that the DD address it (whatever it is), not the OP.

And all you people who are advocating that the OP should call the dean, take action, the professor should be fired - you're nuts. We have a shorthand, garbled, third-hand account on an anonymous message board. This shoot from the hip helicopter parent approach doesn't do anyone any favors.