If you are a physician and married to a non-physician....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I make an effort to listen to patients who think that their 1 year history of constipation is an emergency. I care about my family a hell of a lot more than random patients. Therefore, I make an effort to listen to their vents... even if it seems trivial to me. If your spouse is calling you while you are working in the ICU to complain about trivial stuff, then I would be irritated.

Please state what practice you are at so I can avoid ever seeing you. Genuine humility goes a long way.

Believe, me, I wish I could post where I practice so you can see someone else for your 1 year of constipation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I make an effort to listen to patients who think that their 1 year history of constipation is an emergency. I care about my family a hell of a lot more than random patients. Therefore, I make an effort to listen to their vents... even if it seems trivial to me. If your spouse is calling you while you are working in the ICU to complain about trivial stuff, then I would be irritated.

Please state what practice you are at so I can avoid ever seeing you. Genuine humility goes a long way.

Believe, me, I wish I could post where I practice so you can see someone else for your 1 year of constipation.

I wouldn't see you for anything. You're too arrogant. Typical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Interesting posts from the docs - thank you for your thoughtfulness. Very surprised to hear the number of people who are so "against" doctors. Wow. Just wow. I hope you're not ever in my care.

So you're not capable of being sympathetic to your wife when she complains but want sympathy from anonymous internet posters when you complain about your wife complaining.

Glad you took your hypocrytical oath today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you unsympathetic to their needs?

I'm a critical care/ICU doctor and sometimes, I can't bear what a big deal my DH makes out of small problems. It drives me bananas. Just want to know if I'm alone.

I am not married to a doctor, but I have many family members who are doctors.

Unlike most women, in the dating world I consider being a doctor a negative. I think becoming a doctor tends to turn MOST people into unsympathetic, arrogant, smug jerks. I might consider people who go into rheumatology, sleep medicine, and other fields like that. But generally, doctors tend to have empathy deficits.

And, since most went straight through school, they are often ignorant as to how it is to work in most office jobs. They have no understanding for what it is like to struggle to apply for jobs, promotions, stay employed, etc. they are very secure in their own jobs and feel smug about it and really tend to look down on people who struggle in their careers because they can't relate to that.

Great post. I worked at a medical school. They start out nice, but as the years go on they get worse and worse. Then when they become doctors, the arrogance sets in. The pressure to pay off med school is the finishing touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I didn't mean I don't want to hear about work/life problems! I meant that DH has strep and is going on and on about how "impaired " he is and the fatigue and I've offered Motrin and cold liquids and whatnot and I now want to say "it's not cancer! You're not going to die. It's inconvenient, but it's not deadly. You will be ok."

OP, in your line of work, you probably do not meet many people who are "never sick" I know quite a few like that (being almost never sick myself) For example I have never had the flu, broken a bone, or had a serious toothache (not young, either). I have had surgery, but even that was not very painful. When these folks get a cold or flu, they are shocked at how uncomfortable it is. So they tend to overstate things. They literally have no experience to pull from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a Peds ICU doc. I take care of your worst nightmare. It's hard to sympathize with DH venting about office stuff when I'm still trying to process caring for the 2 year old that was beaten to death or the 8 year old that last week was fine but now we are taking her off life support.

I'm not saying my DH's work stress is any less real but it does lack the horrific impact on human beings that I deal with on a daily basis.

Yep, the doctor syndrome in full flagrante.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I make an effort to listen to patients who think that their 1 year history of constipation is an emergency. I care about my family a hell of a lot more than random patients. Therefore, I make an effort to listen to their vents... even if it seems trivial to me. If your spouse is calling you while you are working in the ICU to complain about trivial stuff, then I would be irritated.

Please state what practice you are at so I can avoid ever seeing you. Genuine humility goes a long way.

Believe, me, I wish I could post where I practice so you can see someone else for your 1 year of constipation.

I wouldn't see you for anything. You're too arrogant. Typical.

I'm arrogant for thinking someone with a long history of constipation doesn't need to be in an ED? People need to learn the definition of "emergency".

[Anonymous]

Good job being arrogant and thereby proving the point, physician PPs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm arrogant for thinking someone with a long history of constipation doesn't need to be in an ED? People need to learn the definition of "emergency".

No, you're arrogant for thinking we should give a shit about your stress level when you clearly don't give a shit about anyone else's.

[Anonymous]

I am the non-physician husband again, and I agree: a year of chronic constipation belongs in an internal medicine office, not an ED. That's just ridiculous. Go home with a bottle of mineral oil, change your diet and go for a long walk every day.

But that's more a result of our fucked-up healthcare system and years of training people to mis-use resources because they have no access to the appropriate venues. I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt they didn't show up worried about an intestinal blockage.

But that's not where you started: you started by bitching about your husband having silly concerns that drove you bananas.

My doctor wife has concerns which, given my life history and perspective, and what I know about a how bunch of things, are non-issues, in my opinion. These are things like, contracts, homeownership, insurance, financial investing...not completely trivial stuff. And I also happen to be right about a lot of them.

She doesn't - because she was in the medical training silo/nunnery - have any idea about these things or how they work in the real world. Consequently she makes a lot of rookie mistakes about a lot of day to day stuff and seriously stresses out about things that totally do not matter.

I don't choose to make fun of her or belittle her concerns. I have to make a conscious effort to avoid it, because sometimes it's an annoying PITA to even have to waste the time listening to, much less addressing and handling non-issues.

But I respect my wife, despite her clueless naivete about so many things, and listen to her concerns.

I also stop her from making OBVIOUS and dumbass legal and business decisions that the rest of her genius-doctor partners go sailing right into like a pack of clueless morons. And I do it without insulting and belittling her or her partners. I even manage to never lay claim to the "I told you so".

Other than messing up the gender pronouns, this person nailed it:

So you're not capable of being sympathetic to your wife when she complains but want sympathy from anonymous internet posters when you complain about your wife complaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a Peds ICU doc. I take care of your worst nightmare. It's hard to sympathize with DH venting about office stuff when I'm still trying to process caring for the 2 year old that was beaten to death or the 8 year old that last week was fine but now we are taking her off life support.

I'm not saying my DH's work stress is any less real but it does lack the horrific impact on human beings that I deal with on a daily basis.

Yep, the doctor syndrome in full flagrante.

You are certainly entitled to your poor opinion of me as a person, however if you are ever in a situation where your child is fighting for their life in my hospital, know that I will be beside you doing my absolute best. Not very many people want to care for extremely sick and injured children but most of us who do are truly passionate about it.

[Anonymous]

Which does not give you a get out of jail free card to be unsympathetic to your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are certainly entitled to your poor opinion of me as a person, however if you are ever in a situation where your child is fighting for their life in my hospital, know that I will be beside you doing my absolute best. Not very many people want to care for extremely sick and injured children but most of us who do are truly passionate about it.

The anger directed at you doctor is because you appear to be viewing your work differently than the nurses, EMTs, and social workers who surround you every day. Do you think police and fire fighters have a walk in the park? Maybe the therapist with a case load heavy with PTSD/borderline personality patients? Prison guards? Air traffic controllers? How about the salesman who has to meet quota to make enough to pay the bills? See where I'm going here?

Again- you're incapable of sympathy for your wife but seem to be insisting that we give it to you. It doesn't matter that you're a doctor because you're a hypocrite and an asshole.

[Anonymous]

what are you people even arguing about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the therapist with a case load heavy with PTSD/borderline personality patients?

OMG, now there is a person with a truly nightmare job. I can't imagine.

Again- you're incapable of sympathy for your wife but seem to be insisting that we give it to you.

No offense, but both of the docs posting - the OP (ED doc) - and the follow up (PEDS/ICU) - are women married to men, not women, hence no wives of spouses.