Silver Spring's Eastern Middle School gets slammed for rewarding good students

[Anonymous]

DD's MS had this same type of party a few years ago when she was on the honor roll. She wasn't even interested in attending. Possibly this is yet another issue that is more important to the helicopter parents than to the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD's MS had this same type of party a few years ago when she was on the honor roll. She wasn't even interested in attending. Possibly this is yet another issue that is more important to the helicopter parents than to the kids.

Or perhaps more important to tone-deaf administrators than the students they are trying to reward? Our DD didn't want to participate in these reward systems and complained to us that she was being hounded by teachers to do so. Her attitude was basically, "Why won't they leave me alone? I don't want to go to that stupid, lame party."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD's MS had this same type of party a few years ago when she was on the honor roll. She wasn't even interested in attending. Possibly this is yet another issue that is more important to the helicopter parents than to the kids.

Or perhaps more important to tone-deaf administrators than the students they are trying to reward? Our DD didn't want to participate in these reward systems and complained to us that she was being hounded by teachers to do so. Her attitude was basically, "Why won't they leave me alone? I don't want to go to that stupid, lame party."

While I completely understand and empathize with your daughter's feelings since I felt largely the same growing up, might I suggest an alternative approach or way of looking at the situation? This might be a good opportunity to teach kids (in general, not just your DD) how to graciously accept invitations to events they may not want to attend and get through said event with poise anyway, or to graciously accept not reviving an invitation to a long-awaited event, as the case may be. I know that this is an essential adult skill with which I can see my kids potentially struggling (don't all kids that age - it's not exactly instinctive, after all ) so that's the approach I intend to take towards such situations. This might or might not work for your family, just a thought off the top of my head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD's MS had this same type of party a few years ago when she was on the honor roll. She wasn't even interested in attending. Possibly this is yet another issue that is more important to the helicopter parents than to the kids.

Or perhaps more important to tone-deaf administrators than the students they are trying to reward? Our DD didn't want to participate in these reward systems and complained to us that she was being hounded by teachers to do so. Her attitude was basically, "Why won't they leave me alone? I don't want to go to that stupid, lame party."

While I completely understand and empathize with your daughter's feelings since I felt largely the same growing up, might I suggest an alternative approach or way of looking at the situation? This might be a good opportunity to teach kids (in general, not just your DD) how to graciously accept invitations to events they may not want to attend and get through said event with poise anyway, or to graciously accept not reviving an invitation to a long-awaited event, as the case may be. I know that this is an essential adult skill with which I can see my kids potentially struggling (don't all kids that age - it's not exactly instinctive, after all ) so that's the approach I intend to take towards such situations. This might or might not work for your family, just a thought off the top of my head.

Actually, my DD repeatedly graciously declined the invitation these events at school. It was the school staff who (ungraciously) repeatedly insisted that she attend. She never said to anyone but me, "it's a stupid, lame party." She tried to get away with a polite, "no thanks, I think I'll hang out here in class...."

FWIW, we raise our kids to consider not participating in events that they think are unfair or discriminatory, not just to blindly accept these invitations "graciously" because they must "get through said event with poise anyway."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD's MS had this same type of party a few years ago when she was on the honor roll. She wasn't even interested in attending. Possibly this is yet another issue that is more important to the helicopter parents than to the kids.

Or perhaps more important to tone-deaf administrators than the students they are trying to reward? Our DD didn't want to participate in these reward systems and complained to us that she was being hounded by teachers to do so. Her attitude was basically, "Why won't they leave me alone? I don't want to go to that stupid, lame party."

While I completely understand and empathize with your daughter's feelings since I felt largely the same growing up, might I suggest an alternative approach or way of looking at the situation? This might be a good opportunity to teach kids (in general, not just your DD) how to graciously accept invitations to events they may not want to attend and get through said event with poise anyway, or to graciously accept not reviving an invitation to a long-awaited event, as the case may be. I know that this is an essential adult skill with which I can see my kids potentially struggling (don't all kids that age - it's not exactly instinctive, after all ) so that's the approach I intend to take towards such situations. This might or might not work for your family, just a thought off the top of my head.

Actually, my DD repeatedly graciously declined the invitation these events at school. It was the school staff who (ungraciously) repeatedly insisted that she attend. She never said to anyone but me, "it's a stupid, lame party." She tried to get away with a polite, "no thanks, I think I'll hang out here in class...."

FWIW, we raise our kids to consider not participating in events that they think are unfair or discriminatory, not just to blindly accept these invitations "graciously" because they must "get through said event with poise anyway."

In that case, great job to your daughter for her polite response (and to you for teaching her) and shame on the teachers for being so pushy - that seems quite tacky and ill-mannered from those charged with helping to educate our children, UGH. I did't mean to imply anything negative about your child, I was offering a potential alternative view that the party is one of many rewards Eastern seems to offer students for different achievements not some sort of offensive class-based system and as such is something some families might choose to encourage their children to attend as a means of practicing the social skill of handling a potentially boring social obligation rather than because the party is going to be particularly fun or really anything other than slightly cheesy and perhaps a bit lame. From what little information I have based on your post, it looks like your DD has been well raised with excellent manners so it probably is more beneficial to her to do as the last line of your reply suggests and practice the relatively advanced skill of discernment in accepting invitations by not attending if she would prefer not to. I apologize if my first post read abruptly or seemed in any way to pass judgement on your DD or your parenting; that definitely wasn't my intent

[Anonymous]

I think it's school administrators who need a social skills lesson to not lavish excess and privilege on kids who are already privileged and exclude kids who most likely aren't, with a sprinkling of exceptions perhaps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's school administrators who need a social skills lesson to not lavish excess and privilege on kids who are already privileged and exclude kids who most likely aren't, with a sprinkling of exceptions perhaps.

You misspelled "working hard".

[Anonymous]

I don't want my kids to get any kind of party or reward at school for their grades. We over-praise kids. Eventually, the praise becomes meaningless. If the teacher thinks it's warranted, a simple "good job" or verbal acknowledgment of their improvement, hard work, whatever is sufficient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's school administrators who need a social skills lesson to not lavish excess and privilege on kids who are already privileged and exclude kids who most likely aren't, with a sprinkling of exceptions perhaps.

OK, I think I must have misunderstood what you are saying here, or I'm not understanding how you arrived at your conclusion. It seems to me that the following three statements are true:
1. Grades are not “given” or “assigned” by the teacher but rather are earned as a result of effort (studying, homework, organization and participation grades) and subsequent performance (tests, projects, other assessments) on the part of each student.
2. This party rewards students who have earned high enough grades.
3. Earlier in the thread previous posters have mentioned other rewards and incentives for those whose grades are below the level specified in premise two but whose grades are improving.

If we accept the above premises, we agree that: receiving an invitation to the party is contingent upon meeting or exceeding a specific level of achievement based on benchmarks (grades) which are under the control of the student.

This is the source of my puzzlement with your statement. I believe that each student earns their grades and that each student has a chance to succeed. Unless you are arguing that grades at Eastern are awarded unfairly on the basis of something other than student performance, in which case I think we have a far bigger problem than a single party, I don’t see how you can argue that the population of kids who will achieve this reward is “privileged”.
- they have received no special “privileges” in order to allow them to be eligible for an invitation, the grading scale is applied the same way for all students in the school population, any of whom would be permitted to receive a grade high enough to attend the party, if their effort and performance enabled them to earn it.
- If you are referring to their socioeconomic background, you are effectively alleging that only high SES students are capable of success. I do not believe this; I think such an attitude is elitist and wrong. History shows examples of kids from all backgrounds who have achieved success, both in school and in life, and kids from all backgrounds who have not. With the possible exception of students severely affected by a learning disability, which would be accommodated so as to best support the student’s learning goals, I believe that ALL students – rich, poor, tall, short, of whatever skin color or ethnic background – are individuals capable of making choices to study, to try hard in school, and to achieve their goals.

I get the sense that many posters are uncomfortable because access to this opportunity (the party) is based on demonstrated achievement rather than effort expended. But, frankly, so is life. The real world doesn’t give effort grades, individuals enjoy the “fruits” (results) of their labor. You gain opportunities (participation in high school sports/plays/extra curriculars, jobs, college admissions, jobs, promotions, etc) on the basis of the results of your effort towards your goals. Effort is a great thing which should be encouraged, and Eastern appears to be doing that in other ways. But I see nothing wrong with students learning that results matter too, in a low risk environment at a time in life when students are still forming their characters and choosing their paths. In life, ethically you cannot receive something for which you do not meet the eligibility requirements, and I think schools or parents that lead students to believe otherwise are doing the children a major disservice.

It is up to each individual to set his or her goals and determine how much and what sort of effort is needed to reach said goal. There will always be people for whom reaching the same goal requires more effort than the person next to them, but I don’t think that devalues the second person’s achievement or makes the achievement itself unworthy of recognition.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you that in theory anyone should be able to succeed but I do think kids with straight As and in the magnet may have advantages that not all kids have, such as role models, parental encouragement or pressure, the hope of getting into or being able to afford a good college, cultural capital, safety, security, nutrition, being able to concentrate on work because the home environment is stable or the kids don't have extra responsibilities like child care, etc. Of course this is not true for everybody and there are disadvantaged kids who succeed despite the odds, due to hard work and resilience.

But I am concerned about the kids who are not doing well academically and were EXCLUDED from this party. What do you think the SES background of those kids is and do you think they have the same advantages as straight A students, or those who got to come later, including the advantages that inspire and promote hard work?

[Anonymous]

I forgot to mention language barrier as another potential disadvantage.

I don't disagree that kids who work hard deserve good grades but I think throwing merit-based parties is potentially harmful and will alienate kids who need more connection and support to school, not less.

Grades are not fully within the control of the student. That is where I disagree with 22:51. All things being equal yes, but all things are not equal, including socioeconomic disadvantage. I also take issue with your statement about kids with learning differences or special needs. Accommodations through special education cannot always level the playing field.

MCPS has a huge emphasis on scores, grades, tests, etc. I think that is enough of a dose of the real world and the merit-based award systems in our society. I don't think kids need more of this via merit-based pizza parties. If anything they need less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's school administrators who need a social skills lesson to not lavish excess and privilege on kids who are already privileged and exclude kids who most likely aren't, with a sprinkling of exceptions perhaps.

OK, I think I must have misunderstood what you are saying here, or I'm not understanding how you arrived at your conclusion. It seems to me that the following three statements are true:
1. Grades are not “given” or “assigned” by the teacher but rather are earned as a result of effort (studying, homework, organization and participation grades) and subsequent performance (tests, projects, other assessments) on the part of each student.
2. This party rewards students who have earned high enough grades.
3. Earlier in the thread previous posters have mentioned other rewards and incentives for those whose grades are below the level specified in premise two but whose grades are improving.

If we accept the above premises, we agree that: receiving an invitation to the party is contingent upon meeting or exceeding a specific level of achievement based on benchmarks (grades) which are under the control of the student.

This is the source of my puzzlement with your statement. I believe that each student earns their grades and that each student has a chance to succeed. Unless you are arguing that grades at Eastern are awarded unfairly on the basis of something other than student performance, in which case I think we have a far bigger problem than a single party, I don’t see how you can argue that the population of kids who will achieve this reward is “privileged”.
- they have received no special “privileges” in order to allow them to be eligible for an invitation, the grading scale is applied the same way for all students in the school population, any of whom would be permitted to receive a grade high enough to attend the party, if their effort and performance enabled them to earn it.
- If you are referring to their socioeconomic background, you are effectively alleging that only high SES students are capable of success. I do not believe this; I think such an attitude is elitist and wrong. History shows examples of kids from all backgrounds who have achieved success, both in school and in life, and kids from all backgrounds who have not. With the possible exception of students severely affected by a learning disability, which would be accommodated so as to best support the student’s learning goals, I believe that ALL students – rich, poor, tall, short, of whatever skin color or ethnic background – are individuals capable of making choices to study, to try hard in school, and to achieve their goals.

I get the sense that many posters are uncomfortable because access to this opportunity (the party) is based on demonstrated achievement rather than effort expended. But, frankly, so is life. The real world doesn’t give effort grades, individuals enjoy the “fruits” (results) of their labor. You gain opportunities (participation in high school sports/plays/extra curriculars, jobs, college admissions, jobs, promotions, etc) on the basis of the results of your effort towards your goals. Effort is a great thing which should be encouraged, and Eastern appears to be doing that in other ways. But I see nothing wrong with students learning that results matter too, in a low risk environment at a time in life when students are still forming their characters and choosing their paths. In life, ethically you cannot receive something for which you do not meet the eligibility requirements, and I think schools or parents that lead students to believe otherwise are doing the children a major disservice.

It is up to each individual to set his or her goals and determine how much and what sort of effort is needed to reach said goal. There will always be people for whom reaching the same goal requires more effort than the person next to them, but I don’t think that devalues the second person’s achievement or makes the achievement itself unworthy of recognition.

+1
Great post. As an earlier poster pointed out, only 13% of the students earned straight As so this was a significant accomplishment. It takes hard work and discipline to earn As in all seven subjects so their reward was earned and not a privilege.
I have mixed feelings about rewards for grades or to keep kids on task during MSAs but if you are going to reward student accomplishment, I think it is appropriate to single out the highest achievers as well as the kids who made the most improvement (kids who improved their GPAs). It sounds like the school singled out lots of different groups of students for academic awards but the only group getting negative attention are the high achievers. There is something messed up about this. If we are going to reward academic achievement, this group should be acknowledged. I love the PPs last paragraph.

[Anonymous]

I think people are responding to the graded treats. Straight A's, pizza and soda and early entry. Next level down, soda but no pizza or early entry. Next level, no food. Lowest level, not welcome at all. Who comes up with this stuff? Educators? It's idiotic and embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people are responding to the graded treats. Straight A's, pizza and soda and early entry. Next level down, soda but no pizza or early entry. Next level, no food. Lowest level, not welcome at all. Who comes up with this stuff? Educators? It's idiotic and embarrassing.

Not to mention that the whole party was structured so that only those with straight As could go during the school day -- every one else who qualified had to stay after school to enjoy, which meant, really, most non-straight A kids who qualified for some other level of participation couldn't even participate because most of them have to go home after school for jobs, family care, or because they don't have parents who can pick them up and must take the bus home. It really speaks to the lack of understanding that the administration has about the lives of their own students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are responding to the graded treats. Straight A's, pizza and soda and early entry. Next level down, soda but no pizza or early entry. Next level, no food. Lowest level, not welcome at all. Who comes up with this stuff? Educators? It's idiotic and embarrassing.

Not to mention that the whole party was structured so that only those with straight As could go during the school day -- every one else who qualified had to stay after school to enjoy, which meant, really, most non-straight A kids who qualified for some other level of participation couldn't even participate because most of them have to go home after school for jobs, family care, or because they don't have parents who can pick them up and must take the bus home. It really speaks to the lack of understanding that the administration has about the lives of their own students.

This argument makes sense to me, and on one hand I can definitely see your point. Maybe holding the party at lunch would have been better so that all eligible students could attend. On the other hand, another point of view might be that since this is an optional, invitation, recognition event - the school cannot necessarily be expected to accommodate everyone's schedules and it is up to the students who want to attend or their families to figure out how to make it work. I am probably closer to this viewpoint, because otherwise where do we draw the line? Is it unfair that students who cannot stay after school cannot participate in audition-based extracurriculars too, since those are also a means of recognition? I'm not really sure what the answer is, but it seems that the administration is in a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation here: Not offering recognition for strong academics seems wrong somehow for a school, but offering a party to recognize high achievers during the last portion of the day and after school draws the ire of parents.

The major point on which I disagree with you, is that you seem to think it was unfair for those with straight As to be able to attend during the day while others couldn't. Assuming the party was held during instructional time, I disagree with you here. Students with straight As have demonstrated mastery of the subject matter in their classes and can therefore likely afford to miss class time whereas those with a grade lower than an A in a subject are demonstrating that they still need to be in class to learn and master the body of knowledge they are expected to know for the course.