Single parent in need of debt management/savings advice
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
"We can change course at any time, and when he's no longer in his 20's, it wouldn't surprise me if he stepped up on his own"
Stupid. |
Anonymous
|
Thanks all. The negative reaction to my attitude towards DD's dad doesn't surprise me, and honestly doesn't faze me either. Deciding to become a single parent by choice isn't for the faint of heart and wasn't a decision I arrived at lightly. Medicine has toughened me up over the years, but I'm not immune to the opinions of those around me, and I've heard it all.
Is hope a plan? Of course not. Do I also believe that people are more inclined to do the right thing if they arrive at that decision on their own? Yes I do. Sure I could nail him for the money. It's a slam dunk. I'm pretty sure I'd also buy a lifetime of resentment from him for which DD would suffer. People can surprise you when you raise your expectations of what they're capable of. So yes, I'm hoping he does the right thing monetarily. But if he doesn't? That's on him. What DD needs most from him is a physical presence and attention to the details of her life. Right now she's getting that. My family supports my decisions, and I have a great attorney who knows exactly what's going on. I've talked to a therapist. So I think we're doing OK. A final thought to those questioning my profession or calling me "stupid": Everyday I take care of patients who are in pain, frightened, and lack knowledge about their condition. I explain why this kidney stone won't pass but the last one did, why going to the cath lab will treat their heart attack but they'll still need a pacemaker, why their child needs to stay for IV antibiotics or can go home with an Rx, or why this type of fractured wrist needs surgery (or doesn't). And then, I talk to all the involved specialists, help arrange those meds/procedures/admits, update families, call the primary internist. Sometimes I get asked questions that are quite basic. I often see people making choices I regard as "stupid" (you're here for Bronchitis and still continuing to smoke, huh?). But telling someone they're stupid is not only unkind and unnecessary, I have nothing to gain from it. I doubt you do either. I offer them alternatives, and let them decide. That's what adults do. Agree with, don't agree with me (and tell me why, I'll listen), but honestly, on the financial forum? There's no need for this. Petty fights happen all the time on relationships/off-topic/etc. If you need to project anonymous anger, take it there, or better yet, go burn it off without lashing out. There's lots of way to live life, folks. This is just how we're living ours. To everyone else, I genuinely appreciate the thoughts. I'm out… - OP |
Anonymous
Definitely look at your cell options. I was paying much less than you for an AT&T iPhone plan. Make sure you access any discounts you might be eligible for. For example, I get a discount as a federal employee, many other large organizations have some sort of affiliation discount--might be through your hospital, your alumni association, etc. They can be 10%. We recently switched over to T-mobile and since most of our data usage happens at home when we're on a wireless network, we were able to go with the lowest price ($50/mo) but even their unlimited plans are $70 with no contract. If your contract is up with your current carrier--definitely shop around because now you're paying a higher rate that you agreed to to subsidize the cost of your iPhone. I know these are small potatoes, but $35/mo is over $400 a year. Every little bit helps, right? |
Anonymous
Yes it does! That's a great idea. I'll look into it. |
Anonymous
| I guess it just doesn't make any sense that you are trying to save money here and there by changing cell phone plans, etc when you are neglecting a HUGE amount of money over your child's 18 years of life. Not only will he get used to not paying and then it will be a big problem once you expect him to start paying. This is his responsibility whether or not he wanted this child. In a few years when you start saying that he needs to pay up, it will not go over well. So even if he pays a few hundred dollars a month, at least he will be used to this expectation now. You are flushing this needed money down the toilet right now. And he is a total loser if he lets this affect his relationship with his child. If he does let it affect their relationship, then it is a good sign he shouldn't be involved in her life at all. |
Anonymous
op....I would definitely consider moving to the Midwest close to family...I'm thinking your salary as a doctor might actually be higher there? Family will help you with your daughter and the cost of living would be so much lower. It might help nudge you back into the dating scene a little faster  . Also, consider pre-paid tuition plan for your daughter's college...I think it's a good way to go. Also, how much child support do you get from your ex and can it be increased?
|
Anonymous
Except I didn't post here looking for a cheaper cell carrier. I posted requesting advice regarding significant student loan debt management, retirement planning, and college savings. Anyone working towards those things also needs to budget, and that budget is composed of all the little things that add up, like monthly cell charges. Look, my decisions aren't for everyone, and it probably won't be the forever plan. But just like marriages, business partnerships, and other lifelong connections, it's an evolving picture. DD's dad and I were prepared to never see each other again until I got two very unexpected pink lines on a pregnancy test stick and he got a very unexpected phone call from me. To say that we didn't envision ourselves as life partners in parenting is a gross understatement. But 19 months later, we have better interactions than most divorced couple I know, and it's getting better each month. His 529 contributions were his idea. I asked him why he started contributing. His answer? He got a raise and wanted DD to benefit. I was pressured from several people to "lock things in" from the beginning and file for CS; and to hell with the ramifications. I said no. I wanted to see how things would evolve if I let him get to know his child, and so far I'm happy with the results. If I change my mind, I can file at any time. My attorney has all the details. All that said, a friend's dad is fond of saying "if 3 people tell you you're drunk, it's time to go to bed." Quite a few of you have expressed the same thoughts re: CS. I'll take it into consideration. |
Anonymous
|
Except I didn't post here looking for a cheaper cell carrier. I posted requesting advice regarding significant student loan debt management, retirement planning, and college savings. Anyone working towards those things also needs to budget, and that budget is composed of all the little things that add up, like monthly cell charges.
Look, my decisions aren't for everyone, and it probably won't be the forever plan. But just like marriages, business partnerships, and other lifelong connections, it's an evolving picture. DD's dad and I were prepared to never see each other again until I got two very unexpected pink lines on a pregnancy test stick and he got a very unexpected phone call from me. To say that we didn't envision ourselves as life partners in parenting is a gross understatement. But 19 months later, we have better interactions than most divorced couple I know, and it's getting better each month. His 529 contributions were his idea. I asked him why he started contributing. His answer? He got a raise and wanted DD to benefit. I was pressured from several people to "lock things in" from the beginning and file for CS; and to hell with the ramifications. I said no. I wanted to see how things would evolve if I let him get to know his child, and so far I'm happy with the results. If I change my mind, I can file at any time. My attorney has all the details. All that said, a friend's dad is fond of saying "if 3 people tell you you're drunk, it's time to go to bed." Quite a few of you have expressed the same thoughts re: CS. I'll take it into consideration. Of course it is a good relationship. He knows how good he's got it. He doesn't have to pay a dime. The ball is entirely in his court. He is pretty smart to keep things good between the two of you. If he doesn't, he will be on the hook for what he owes for the last nearly 2 years. You asked for ways to help out your financial situation and this is the #1 way to do that. Good luck to you. |
Anonymous
But once she asks for the money she can't get him out. Or did you forget that part PP? |
Anonymous
Did you have to be so condescending in your answer. |
Anonymous
No, PP. He doesn't have it good. By letting me cover all of DD's childcare expenses, he doesn't know her nanny. By letting me plan for, choose, and pay for playgroup, he's missed vital information about toddler development. She's only 19 mos, but when people say it goes fast, they're right. He's missing out on the crucial decisions of parenting by abdicating responsibility to me, and while it's a ton of work, it's an awesome job. One that sadly, he'll never fully understand (if and until he has other kids, but by then DD's ship will have sailed). By not collecting CS at this time, we miss a moderate piece of monthly income. What he's missing is much more valuable. Failing to step up for DD doesn't make him a winner. I hope he figures this out before it's too late. But I'm not here to parent this guy. One child is enough for me. Yes, I did ask for suggestions re: my finances, and I got lots of great advice. Notably, CS was not listed as an income source in my budget. Any other thoughts in the financial realm are welcome. But, to the extent that I can request this on an anonymous forum, I ask that further discussion remain relevant to the financial forum. I've answered questions re: DD's dad pretty thoroughly, and been given some salient points to consider. I'd like to move on. Thanks. |
Anonymous
| Been following this thread and there is a lot of good information. OP - I'm wondering if there are any medical school payment programs that wipe away debt for working in underserved areas. They do this for teachers that work in Title 1 schools, I'm sure if you google you can find one for Doctors. |
Anonymous
Unfortunately no, not for my specialty. Typically these programs are designated for those in fields designated as primary care: family practice, internal medicine, pediatrics. I actually provide lots of "primary care" every day, but the government doesn't see it that way. Anyway one of the big programs is called public service loan forgiveness, or the PSLF program, and isn't just for docs. It applies to anyone in a "public service" role, i.e. law enforcement, teaching, public interest law, library services, etc. It was started in 2007. Under the program, you qualify for forgiveness on the remaining balance of your federal student loans after you've made 120 on-time payments while fully employed by a public service employer, so ten years in total. All payments have to have been made after 2007, so the first round of forgiveness will occur in 2017. It's a pretty good deal, and worth looking into for anyone in public service: https://www.mygreatlakes.org/borrower/pdf/loanforgiveness/pslfFactSheet.pdf There are some smaller forgiveness programs that are state or population specific; for docs and nurses interested in giving back to their local community or working with the Native American population. Again these are mostly dedicated for primary care. The American Association of Medical Colleges (AAMC) has a good database worth forwarding to any young people you know headed into the health care field: https://services.aamc.org/fed_loan_pub/index.cfm?fuseaction=public.welcome&CFID=7563505 As you may have guessed, the existence of these programs reflect the "brain drain" that occurs in med school towards higher-paying, better quality of life subspecialties. My friends in primary care sometimes have less than 15 min/patient and spend hours on the phone with insurance companies trying to get their patient's meds/services covered. Their offices have high turnover in the staff and patient expectations are high re: wait times and doc availability by phone/email. All reasonable expectations, except it can't all happen between 9 and 5, so there's a lot of job creep. If you've had increasing trouble getting in to see your primary physician in the past couple of years, this is why. |
Anonymous
|
I realize the issue my have been put to bed, but I would like to suggest rethinking the strategy of throwing all your money at the loan balance. While I understand the emotional significance of getting out from under the debt, I believe your age comes into play here. At 39 you don't have very many years left to be aggressive in the market. I would really plow as much money into retirement and investment (including 529 if you are planning to pay for your child's college - since the window for that is similar and will have to adjust to a more risk averse portfolio in 15 years, if not before).
If you pay off the loan now you can't get that money back and you won't be able to get a personal loan for that interest rate. If you save/invest that money you can always go back and pay off the loan if you need to for some reason. In the past 17 years there have only been three where the average annual return (from that year to now) has been less than 5%. The blended average of those 17 years is 9%, I think research suggest 8% average over time. Paying off the loan early may make you feel better emotionally, but it is not the most prudent use of the money and will keep you working a few additional years to get to the same financial point. It is your money, your life, but as a single earner the loss of those years of aggressive compounding will be substantial. |
Anonymous
I am for this too +1 |