Would you turn down a 200k job to be a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

ok first, yes, I agree with PP that if you like being SAHM, then it's not like you'll need MORE money.

Also don't forget the tax implications of that…you may get in a higher tax bracket and then all the $ will be going to pay for the nanny (as was in our situation)

Also the kids are a bit young, imo, if you wait until they are in full day school, it would be a lot easier for everybody.

Anyways I was in a similar situation and I chose to stay SAH and I'm ok with it. I've been told I'm wasting my degrees and have blown my career…I'm still ok with it. For me I had to come to terms with that part…the part where some people, (former colleagues) thought (and think) I was a loser, or a bad role model for my DD. It's hard not to internalize that stuff; I spent years working on my education and my career. But I've found my spot.

Let us know what you decide to do, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I quit a job making close to $300k (senior assoc in biglaw) and am staying at home. It got to be way too much to have a husband with a very demanding career and travel. Our lives were basically unraveling and there wasn't time for anything; we were always running around trying to patch everything together. If I go back to work, it will be to a much less demanding job - something with no travel and set hours. It is very hard for me to have gone from having a fantastic well-paid, respected career, to not working, but I think it is best for our family and that is my priority.

Good luck with your decision. It is great to have choices, but these are tough decisions.

+1

[Anonymous]

Why are you even applying for jobs if you are apprehensive?

And no I wouldn't take the job. I work 40 hours a week with little travel herer and there and it's rough at times, couldn't imagine 50 plus travel.

[Anonymous]

What kind of "travel" are you talking about? Gone 4 days/1 week (like consulting) or lots of 1 day trips? The latter is fine, the former I think would be intolerable with small kids. Personally, I traveled more when my kid was a baby to 2 years old. That was not that hard bc he didn't realize I was gone. Now it's worse (he is 3).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of "travel" are you talking about? Gone 4 days/1 week (like consulting) or lots of 1 day trips? The latter is fine, the former I think would be intolerable with small kids. Personally, I traveled more when my kid was a baby to 2 years old. That was not that hard bc he didn't realize I was gone. Now it's worse (he is 3).

Every baby knows when mother is gone, even a newborn; they just can't verbalize it for you in the same way as now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of "travel" are you talking about? Gone 4 days/1 week (like consulting) or lots of 1 day trips? The latter is fine, the former I think would be intolerable with small kids. Personally, I traveled more when my kid was a baby to 2 years old. That was not that hard bc he didn't realize I was gone. Now it's worse (he is 3).

Every baby knows when mother is gone, even a newborn; they just can't verbalize it for you in the same way as now.

They won't remember it.

[Anonymous]

I WOHM full time. It isn't the 50 hours that would bother me, but the travel would. What happens if you and DH have conflicting travel? Plus that's a big shock to your kids to go from SAHM to being gone a lot (assuming the travel is extensive).

I'd be inclined to turn it down. Does your field always require travel?

[Anonymous]

I would not turn down the job. You can't count on getting another job, and even if you and you husband are currently doing well, you should not assume that your future won't have any changes (husband losing a job, illness decreasing your earning, divorce, etc.). I understand that time with your child is precious, but you also have to think of the well being of your child.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to respond. Really appreciate all POV.

Some more info on my situation. I have been looking for PT posts for the past year - no luck at all. The only reason this offer has come is cos my former boss now works at this co and he has helped out on this. So this is really the only offer on the table.

DH and i both work in structured finance.

The travel is likely to be day trips - primarily to NYC and rest of east coast. I have no idea how extensive it will be - will be dependent on what business comes up.

My thoughts were to try and take it to refresh and update my CV and give myself a deadline of a year to either try and get a better deal at this company or use the experience to switch jobs or give it all up.

DH is supportive of my trying to get back into work but dubious about whether we can make this job work. His job will be the main job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't take a job that involves travel if my husband also had to travel for his. I have a friend who's dealing with this now. Theyve got a nanny who stays overnight when needed, but I don't think that's easy to find. And her kids ended up getting really sick while he husband was gone and she was scheduled to fly out to the West Coast. That would be too much stress for me.

I think this. DH travels a lot for work. I WOH but don't travel. I could make a lot more if I switched to private practice - easily 100 - 150k more than I am making now. But I thought to myself - what would I do with that 100k that would make me and my family happier than I am now? Maybe pay off my loans and mortgage faster, but I wouldn't run around buying a boat or a nice car or anything because i don't care about those things.

What would the more demanding job, in terms of travel and long hours, cost me? Tons.

IF your DH was unemployed, I would say get on it. But really, what would you do with that extra money? That being said, if you are unhappy being a SAHM, then it may be in your best interests to consider even full-time employment.

[Anonymous]

Totally personal choice. If you're looking for anecdotes, I left a job like the one you describe because I wasn't willing to have that many work hours total across both parents and didn't want to travel anymore (except I made a bit more). For us, there was no question that the extra money wasn't worth the stress on our family of so many total working hours.

I SAH'd for a while, looking for a other opportunities. SAH didn't agree with me, but I found a better compromise: a job where I work 3 days per week for $115k. In a few years, I hope to ramp my career up a bit and maybe my husband will wind down a bit.

[Anonymous]

If you want your kids to go to private school in this area, take it!

[Anonymous]

If you need a house over 5000 sqft in this area, take it!

[Anonymous]

I would take it. Your value on the job market is going to diminish with each year you stay out of it. You never know if you would get an offer like that when you feel "ready" to return to the workforce.

If you do decide to take it, you and DH should commit to you working for a set amount of time (say 1.5 years) and then agree to revisit it then. Don't live off of two full incomes if you can. Remember this will help you both retire younger and better.

It is also a wonderful insurance policy in case something happens to DH. Trust me I know my DH has a great career but was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago. The fact that I had a well paying full time job allowed him to take off 6 months so that he could go through all of his treatments. He was able to fully focus on getting better without having to worry about feeding our family. And when he retunred to work he was able to put everything into it because he had been able to focus on his health when he needed to. We were both in our 30's, very fit, healthy people at the time and never ever imagined we would face a situation like that.

Our situation is unique but one thing I learned was more people find themselves in these hard predicaments then you would think.

Finally make sure to get a good nanny that drives and also a housekeeper.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I both work those kinds of hours (but don't make that kind of money; thus neither of us quitting is really an option). It is do-able but hard for us, especially since a nanny is just bit too much expense on our budget. We try to stagger our schedules (so that kid spends no more than 8 hours/day in daycare) and have a couple of trustworthy babysitters we can call when the shit hits the fan. Just last week, we realized he hadn't updated our shared calendar before I booked a worktrip, and we were both scheduled to be travelling for the same day; something had to give.

If going parttime was an option for either of us, I think we'd take it in a heartbeat. But it's not, for a variety of reasons. If we made enough money that one of us could quit entirely, I don't think I would. I LIKE my job and my career. My daughter seems to be thriving. And if our weekends are hectic, it's mostly fun. And, if something happened to either of us, the other has a good job and the life insurance payment and would pull through okay.

Another thought: depending on your field/employer, they may be more willing to consider a parttime slot after you have been there a year or two and you're a known quantity. My office's policy is that, absent extraordinary circumstances, they won't even consider letting someone go parttime until they've been here 2 years.