Tell me why having an only is great

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Me too! It is really great. Among other things, I love not having to worry about dividing my attention on more than one kid. I only wish more people would embrace the awesomeness that is having an only child so I didn't feel like such an outlier.

Yes, this! I wish our society would stop trying to make women, in particular, feel that their value is tied to how many babies they can crank out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have mentioned the stereotype about being spoiled and self-centered many times.

How about being lonely or depressed? To me this is the biggest drawback. But I think active parenting can overcome this.

And you won't have siblings to rely on when you are older. And Thanksgiving and Christmas is so quiet. Let's face it. All the happy movies show lots of kids running around. Or big family meals around the dining table.

The holiday movies are just that movies. I came from a big family, both parents came from big families. The movies never show the always late uncle, the alcoholic grandfather, the aunt who tells another aunt that "you are not a member of this family!" Because she married my uncle, doesn't show the cousins who were beyond snotty and rude to my siblings and I... I could go on and on and this is just one side.

Ah, this was my large family thanksgiving dramas. Awful. There were times when I dreaded the family dinner gathering of uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. Real life is not the movies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an adult only child, let me just say this; do your child a HUGE favor and make sure you are financially prepared to be self-sufficient in your later years and that any extreme burdens associated with taking care of you won't fall on your only child, who will likely be taking care of a young family of their own at that point. Just keep that in mind and I'm sure they'll be fine!!

I agree with this. Both my MIL and FIL are only children and they said this is the biggest downside. They are both their parents only child, thus when their parents got older they relied heavily on them for care (despite the fact that their parents had saved significant amounts of money for retirement). The ended up having to put my mil's mom in a home because my MIL got tired of caring for her and grandma couldn't take care of herself alone. As opposed to my parents who are able to split care for their parents with their siblings.

My husband has a sister and brother. He, along with some of his mother's friends, took care of his ailing ill mother until her death. His father died swiftly of a heart attack. I have two sisters and helped out when my mother was terminally ill. However, in all honesty, my youngest sister did all the heavy hitting because she lived closest. And, I am forever grateful for her unselfishness.

Don't assume that all sibling connections are equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an adult only child, let me just say this; do your child a HUGE favor and make sure you are financially prepared to be self-sufficient in your later years and that any extreme burdens associated with taking care of you won't fall on your only child, who will likely be taking care of a young family of their own at that point. Just keep that in mind and I'm sure they'll be fine!!

I agree with this. Both my MIL and FIL are only children and they said this is the biggest downside. They are both their parents only child, thus when their parents got older they relied heavily on them for care (despite the fact that their parents had saved significant amounts of money for retirement). The ended up having to put my mil's mom in a home because my MIL got tired of caring for her and grandma couldn't take care of herself alone. As opposed to my parents who are able to split care for their parents with their siblings.

My husband has a sister and brother. He, along with some of his mother's friends, took care of his ailing ill mother until her death. His father died swiftly of a heart attack. I have two sisters and helped out when my mother was terminally ill. However, in all honesty, my youngest sister did all the heavy hitting because she lived closest. And, I am forever grateful for her unselfishness.

Don't assume that all sibling connections are equal.

Yes, this. My experience is that there is always one sibling who does most or all of the heavy lifting. Sometimes geography, sometimes money. There is absolutely no guarantee that all siblings are going to be close or in a position to help anyone. Some siblings are a huge drain, financially or emotionally. You just can't know what the future holds for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have mentioned the stereotype about being spoiled and self-centered many times.

How about being lonely or depressed? To me this is the biggest drawback. But I think active parenting can overcome this.

And you won't have siblings to rely on when you are older. And Thanksgiving and Christmas is so quiet. Let's face it. All the happy movies show lots of kids running around. Or big family meals around the dining table.

Seems like all the parents on DCUM are great so they probably overcome these issues by spending lots of time with the only and by setting up lots of playdates with relatives.

Wow, you're really an asshole, aren't you? OP asked for positive comments. All the happy movies show beautiful, wealthy people, too. Are we all beautiful and wealthy?

I had two brothers and I was lonely as hell as a child. One brother sexually abused me and ignored me otherwise. My middle brother could be kind one minute and cruel the next. I learned from both of them that I couldn't trust anyone. Luckily, my middle brother and I became friends as adults, but we avoided each other like the plague as teens. But then my middle brother died by suicide, and I'm stuck with the brother I hate as my only sibling.

So, yeah, providing siblings is no guarantee your child will have wonderful childhood companions and lifelong friends. I always wanted to have lots of children myself, but wasn't lucky enough to find a good man to marry until I was 40, so I am one and done. While I wish I could have had more children (sometimes), I am comforted that my child doesn't have to deal with sibling rivalry or sibling abuse and I am relieved that I don't have to somehow find energy for another.

Your family will be fine, OP. Small and close is great!

[Anonymous]

Agree PP. Siblings aren't all that. DCUM folks are obsessed with bullying but what if the bully lives in your house and bullies a sibling daily? that was my life growing up the youngest of three. Tormented about my weight from age five, physically and emotionally tormented for a decade. Its so dysfucntional. no one ever thinks that bullying from a sibling is actually worse than a classmate but it is because you never escape it.
I have one and I am pretty sure we will keep it that way. Luckily I do think more parents are choosing to have only one so I don't think we will always be an outlier. Im actually thinking of starting a meet up group in DC for parents of one by choice.

[Anonymous]

One thing that resonates with me is that siblings do NOT guarantee your kid a friend for life. I have 3 brothers. We are not close at all. If anything, they make my life more stressful.

I only have 1 child. I wanted more, but it was not in the cards. I love our little family. We are very close and have a really strong bond. There is nothing I would change.