Tell me why having an only is great

[Anonymous]

1 extra plane ticket for travel vs 2 or 3 (or more).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have mentioned the stereotype about being spoiled and self-centered many times.

How about being lonely or depressed? To me this is the biggest drawback. But I think active parenting can overcome this.

And you won't have siblings to rely on when you are older. And Thanksgiving and Christmas is so quiet. Let's face it. All the happy movies show lots of kids running around. Or big family meals around the dining table.

More stereotypes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have mentioned the stereotype about being spoiled and self-centered many times.

How about being lonely or depressed? To me this is the biggest drawback. But I think active parenting can overcome this.

And you won't have siblings to rely on when you are older. And Thanksgiving and Christmas is so quiet. Let's face it. All the happy movies show lots of kids running around. Or big family meals around the dining table.

Seems like all the parents on DCUM are great so they probably overcome these issues by spending lots of time with the only and by setting up lots of playdates with relatives.

I am an only child and agree with a lot of this. I felt lonely as an only child growing up--I had a lot of friends but I often felt I needed to invite people to come over all the time. And as an adult I definitely feel lonely and depressed daily because of not having siblings or much family. My parents live on the West Coast and I only see them once a year, it is very depressing for me. And the quiet holidays--that is a huge one for me. Most of the time for holidays it's just me and DH, and it feels so incredibly lonely. My extended family lives very far away and I have no real relationship with them. I long for big family holidays and summer family reunions at the beach. Sadly, I'll never have that and it's very hard for me to accept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have mentioned the stereotype about being spoiled and self-centered many times.

How about being lonely or depressed? To me this is the biggest drawback. But I think active parenting can overcome this.

And you won't have siblings to rely on when you are older. And Thanksgiving and Christmas is so quiet. Let's face it. All the happy movies show lots of kids running around. Or big family meals around the dining table.

Seems like all the parents on DCUM are great so they probably overcome these issues by spending lots of time with the only and by setting up lots of playdates with relatives.

I am an only child and agree with a lot of this. I felt lonely as an only child growing up--I had a lot of friends but I often felt I needed to invite people to come over all the time. And as an adult I definitely feel lonely and depressed daily because of not having siblings or much family. My parents live on the West Coast and I only see them once a year, it is very depressing for me. And the quiet holidays--that is a huge one for me. Most of the time for holidays it's just me and DH, and it feels so incredibly lonely. My extended family lives very far away and I have no real relationship with them. I long for big family holidays and summer family reunions at the beach. Sadly, I'll never have that and it's very hard for me to accept.

I have a giant family and the best Christmas in recent memory was just me, dh and LO. So nice to be a small family together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have mentioned the stereotype about being spoiled and self-centered many times.

How about being lonely or depressed? To me this is the biggest drawback. But I think active parenting can overcome this.

And you won't have siblings to rely on when you are older. And Thanksgiving and Christmas is so quiet. Let's face it. All the happy movies show lots of kids running around. Or big family meals around the dining table.

Seems like all the parents on DCUM are great so they probably overcome these issues by spending lots of time with the only and by setting up lots of playdates with relatives.

I am an only child and agree with a lot of this. I felt lonely as an only child growing up--I had a lot of friends but I often felt I needed to invite people to come over all the time. And as an adult I definitely feel lonely and depressed daily because of not having siblings or much family. My parents live on the West Coast and I only see them once a year, it is very depressing for me. And the quiet holidays--that is a huge one for me. Most of the time for holidays it's just me and DH, and it feels so incredibly lonely. My extended family lives very far away and I have no real relationship with them. I long for big family holidays and summer family reunions at the beach. Sadly, I'll never have that and it's very hard for me to accept.

Why can't you create your own traditions and special times during the holidays?

FWIW, I'm an only, and inviting 2 friends (who both happen to come from large families) to share Thanksgiving with me and my family in our home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have mentioned the stereotype about being spoiled and self-centered many times.

How about being lonely or depressed? To me this is the biggest drawback. But I think active parenting can overcome this.

And you won't have siblings to rely on when you are older. And Thanksgiving and Christmas is so quiet. Let's face it. All the happy movies show lots of kids running around. Or big family meals around the dining table.

Seems like all the parents on DCUM are great so they probably overcome these issues by spending lots of time with the only and by setting up lots of playdates with relatives.

I have a sibling, we were never close, and I will never be able to rely on him. In fact, I will have to care for him when my parents are dead. Sibling =/= close, supportive relationship. If you have an only child, you just do what you can to help them develop other kinds of relationships as well as their own inner resources. Maybe your holidays will be full of friends rather than family, maybe you'll invite all the people you know who don't have family to go to and have an "orphans' Thanksgiving," but that can be its own kind of wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have mentioned the stereotype about being spoiled and self-centered many times.

How about being lonely or depressed? To me this is the biggest drawback. But I think active parenting can overcome this.

And you won't have siblings to rely on when you are older. And Thanksgiving and Christmas is so quiet. Let's face it. All the happy movies show lots of kids running around. Or big family meals around the dining table.

Seems like all the parents on DCUM are great so they probably overcome these issues by spending lots of time with the only and by setting up lots of playdates with relatives.

I am an only child and agree with a lot of this. I felt lonely as an only child growing up--I had a lot of friends but I often felt I needed to invite people to come over all the time. And as an adult I definitely feel lonely and depressed daily because of not having siblings or much family. My parents live on the West Coast and I only see them once a year, it is very depressing for me. And the quiet holidays--that is a huge one for me. Most of the time for holidays it's just me and DH, and it feels so incredibly lonely. My extended family lives very far away and I have no real relationship with them. I long for big family holidays and summer family reunions at the beach. Sadly, I'll never have that and it's very hard for me to accept.

Honey, I understand your point. Let me tell you, tho, I come from a big family and your version is very romanticized. My family is very grouchy and sleep deprived at Christmas and the beach because we cram too many people into too small a place. Everyone argues. It's really not all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an adult only child, let me just say this; do your child a HUGE favor and make sure you are financially prepared to be self-sufficient in your later years and that any extreme burdens associated with taking care of you won't fall on your only child, who will likely be taking care of a young family of their own at that point. Just keep that in mind and I'm sure they'll be fine!!

I agree with this. Both my MIL and FIL are only children and they said this is the biggest downside. They are both their parents only child, thus when their parents got older they relied heavily on them for care (despite the fact that their parents had saved significant amounts of money for retirement). The ended up having to put my mil's mom in a home because my MIL got tired of caring for her and grandma couldn't take care of herself alone. As opposed to my parents who are able to split care for their parents with their siblings.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you are not agreeing to this because you think this is what your DH wants now. This is where resentment comes up in marriages. Ten years from now he may make some off handed comment like "yeah I would have had another one but you seemed fine with it". My DH did this about moving to another area of the country. At the time he was no help at all and made everything difficult so we stayed put. Now he says "sure I would have moved if that is what you really wanted". You are not just making a decision for this year or next, but for your life time. You don't want to resent your DH later down the line.

[Anonymous]

I was an only with only one cousin my age. I was never lonely, had plenty of friends, but also knew how to entertain myself and how to act around adults.

The "only" stigma is utter bs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have mentioned the stereotype about being spoiled and self-centered many times.

How about being lonely or depressed? To me this is the biggest drawback. But I think active parenting can overcome this.

And you won't have siblings to rely on when you are older. And Thanksgiving and Christmas is so quiet. Let's face it. All the happy movies show lots of kids running around. Or big family meals around the dining table.

The holiday movies are just that movies. I came from a big family, both parents came from big families. The movies never show the always late uncle, the alcoholic grandfather, the aunt who tells another aunt that "you are not a member of this family!" Because she married my uncle, doesn't show the cousins who were beyond snotty and rude to my siblings and I... I could go on and on and this is just one side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this may seem silly but I'm at a point where I don't even have to rationalize it anymore. I love our little family and I love being a mom of one. Just being able to say that alone feels great. I used to struggle this this too. If you embrace it, you'll thrive. So will your kid.

+10000
After years of agonizing (and secondary infertility) I have come to realize the blessing I have.

Me too! It is really great. Among other things, I love not having to worry about dividing my attention on more than one kid. I only wish more people would embrace the awesomeness that is having an only child so I didn't feel like such an outlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an adult only child, let me just say this; do your child a HUGE favor and make sure you are financially prepared to be self-sufficient in your later years and that any extreme burdens associated with taking care of you won't fall on your only child, who will likely be taking care of a young family of their own at that point. Just keep that in mind and I'm sure they'll be fine!!

I agree with this. Both my MIL and FIL are only children and they said this is the biggest downside. They are both their parents only child, thus when their parents got older they relied heavily on them for care (despite the fact that their parents had saved significant amounts of money for retirement). The ended up having to put my mil's mom in a home because my MIL got tired of caring for her and grandma couldn't take care of herself alone. As opposed to my parents who are able to split care for their parents with their siblings.

Do not assume siblings will help care for an aging parent. My mom has 4 brothers and a sister. Nobody helps care for my grandmother but my mom. One uncle does do the finances but he rest of them skate in for a quick visit every couple of months and do none of the day to day heavy lifting. My mother takes so much abuse from her elderly mother it is not fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have mentioned the stereotype about being spoiled and self-centered many times.

How about being lonely or depressed? To me this is the biggest drawback. But I think active parenting can overcome this.

And you won't have siblings to rely on when you are older. And Thanksgiving and Christmas is so quiet. Let's face it. All the happy movies show lots of kids running around. Or big family meals around the dining table.

The holiday movies are just that movies. I came from a big family, both parents came from big families. The movies never show the always late uncle, the alcoholic grandfather, the aunt who tells another aunt that "you are not a member of this family!" Because she married my uncle, doesn't show the cousins who were beyond snotty and rude to my siblings and I... I could go on and on and this is just one side.

Sorry but I have to lol. Sounds just like my family gatherings, except you forgot the aunt who always ends up crying at every get together and won't speak to anyone for the next 6 months

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you are not agreeing to this because you think this is what your DH wants now. This is where resentment comes up in marriages. Ten years from now he may make some off handed comment like "yeah I would have had another one but you seemed fine with it". My DH did this about moving to another area of the country. At the time he was no help at all and made everything difficult so we stayed put. Now he says "sure I would have moved if that is what you really wanted". You are not just making a decision for this year or next, but for your life time. You don't want to resent your DH later down the line.

OP here. Thanks for this good advice. I am really worried about how I will feel about this decision later. It is so painfully difficult to not know what to do and feel so much pressure to decide.