Tell me why having an only is great

[Anonymous]

Siblings are over rated. Mine all live in other time zones and we're lucky to see each other once every two yrs now that our parents are dead. We were close growing up but as adults, we're busy and focus on our own families.

I love having just one. Great kid. We go on exotic vacations to Europe, Asia, etc. twice a yr. Stay at luxury not family hotels. College, grad schools, etc is paid for as is our retirement.

Works for us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP this may seem silly but I'm at a point where I don't even have to rationalize it anymore. I love our little family and I love being a mom of one. Just being able to say that alone feels great. I used to struggle this this too. If you embrace it, you'll thrive. So will your kid.

+10000
After years of agonizing (and secondary infertility) I have come to realize the blessing I have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here - I can always tell when a child is an "only" because they are so confident when approaching and speaking with adults!

Also - We have an only and I notice that we, and other families with onlies, are more outgoing and friendly, they look outward more rather than inward, as i notice with larger families, and are willing to make new friends. And are more likely to travel. In fact, we are about to embark on a 2-year tour of the world. NO LIE. See ya later DCUM!!!

You only have only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this may seem silly but I'm at a point where I don't even have to rationalize it anymore. I love our little family and I love being a mom of one. Just being able to say that alone feels great. I used to struggle this this too. If you embrace it, you'll thrive. So will your kid.

+10000
After years of agonizing (and secondary infertility) I have come to realize the blessing I have.

I'm the OP of the quotes statement. Let me say that I still have pangs if envy. For example, today I was reading a friend's blog who has 3 kids and imagined what that might be like. But an hour later I posted the above because ultimately I choose my life. It's freeing. We all wonder what others' lives are like but we need to value the positives in our own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this may seem silly but I'm at a point where I don't even have to rationalize it anymore. I love our little family and I love being a mom of one. Just being able to say that alone feels great. I used to struggle this this too. If you embrace it, you'll thrive. So will your kid.

+10000
After years of agonizing (and secondary infertility) I have come to realize the blessing I have.

I'm the OP of the quotes statement. Let me say that I still have pangs if envy. For example, today I was reading a friend's blog who has 3 kids and imagined what that might be like. But an hour later I posted the above because ultimately I choose my life. It's freeing. We all wonder what others' lives are like but we need to value the positives in our own.

Funny, I am the PP who is expecting a third and sometimes I have pangs of envy too. Especially when it comes to my friends with one kid who have these incredibly active lives, travel all over the world with their kids, and seem to have the perfect balance in their lives. I'm so grateful for my kids and love them dearly, but just wanted to say that sometimes the grass seems greener - no matter which side you're on.

[Anonymous]

I'm an only child. You never need a minivan unless you want one. There is always a table for 3 at a restaurant. You can go on vacation and only need 1 room. My parents were a teacher and a factory working and I went to a private university and graduated with very little debt. I had 1 parent or both at every concert, sporting event, and awards ceremony of my whole school career and I played in marching, concert, and jazz band and played 3 varsity sports.
Our house was always clean and quiet.

[Anonymous]

We only have one because we got divorced (amicably, we still have dinner together as a family twice a month). DS is not self centered or unable to share, he was in daycare and is in aftercare, and has to share and interact with other kids all of the time. He's had the opportunity to travel to some cool places with each of us, and he has lots of great friends to hang out with when he wants to be with someone closer to his own age.

[Anonymous]

DH is one of four and while he has many wonderful qualities he is selfish and often oblivious to the needs of others (though he works on this). All of his siblings are like this, too.

On the flip side, my closest friend has one child and he is one of the most thoughtful and compassionate kids I've ever met, not to mention very smart, intellectually curious, and high achieving. DH and I hope our kids will turn out half as well.

Parenting is much more a factor than number of siblings / being an only child, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, DH and I are pretty close to finally deciding to stop at one child. There is a part of me that is at peace with this but the biggest part of me is sad about it. It comes down to a lot of different reasons but mostly that DH would prefer to just have one. My sweetheart is willing to have another but every time we discuss it it is clear that he is willing but not enthusiastic. This doesn't seem like something to cpmpromise on. I just think it would be wrong to have a second when he is not 100% in. So, I see benefits of having just one and have to accept it. To be honest, I am struggling. I can envision a great life for the three of us, but when I think of getting rid of the baby stuff I have saved I lose it.

Help me out. Tell me all of the reasons why having one child is fabulous. Reassure me that he will not be self-centered and that I will be able to teach him to share.

It's great just because it is what it is. All parents must work hard at some area of parenting. Not spoiling will be your task. It's fine, OP.

[Anonymous]

People romanticize siblings, but siblings are actually in competition for scarce resources. By having only 1, you are free to devote all your resources to him, and have some left over for yourself. I came from a large family where I was essentially ignored, so I am happy to be able to lavish love, attention and resources on my only. I don't even really care if he ends up a bit spoiled, because that's preferable to neglect!

[Anonymous]

Only one child to get through the teen years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No worries about favoritism. Self-centeredness fears are way overblown. My only is generous, empathic, concerned about others. Many onlies are the nicest kids I know.

I'm not an only, and don't have an only, and agree with this 100 percent.

[Anonymous]

Space - with only one child, you'll probably not need a very big house or a very big car.
Money - preschool/daycare won't break you, college will be more manageable, and all the activities they want to do won't force you to choose.
Travel - easier to do this with one, as a solo parent or as a twosome.
Time - easier to schedule activities for only one kid.
Health - with one, you're less likely to pass illnesses back and forth, and you save sick days. Also easier to schedule well appointments.
Independence - I sometimes feel like my pre-child self, whereas many of my friends with 2+ kids say they've pretty much lost any me time whatsoever.

I do get baby urges. But then I remember I never have to change diapers again.

[Anonymous]

People have mentioned the stereotype about being spoiled and self-centered many times.

How about being lonely or depressed? To me this is the biggest drawback. But I think active parenting can overcome this.

And you won't have siblings to rely on when you are older. And Thanksgiving and Christmas is so quiet. Let's face it. All the happy movies show lots of kids running around. Or big family meals around the dining table.

Seems like all the parents on DCUM are great so they probably overcome these issues by spending lots of time with the only and by setting up lots of playdates with relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you! I'm feeling better already. I think this is the right decision for us. I will continue to reread this thread to reassure myself that it is going to be great.

OP it is great you are looking for positive feedback to help you feel better about your decision. But you sound like you are trying to convince yourself of something that you may have regrets about later. In ten years you will not be able to go back in time and change this so it is really important to listen to yourself on such a big decision. What I have realized about getting older and regrets are that I wished I had not spent so much time listening to so many others opinions. Because in the end you are the one who will have to live with your decision. Not having another child is one of the biggest decisions in your life that will change your path.