12 and 14 year olds reading young adult books with sexual content

[Anonymous]

Hah, yes to all PPs. I survived Clan of the Cave Porn, VC Andrews, and Lace.

They're learning how to wank. It's normal and safe. Never mention it.

[Anonymous]

I think Lace was the first book that made my parents freak out about my reading. The abortion scene with the 12 year old in the beginning was a bit of a red flag. The other was this one about a run away turned into a prostitute - Stephanie Can't Come Out to Play. Boy was a I glad she never saw Flash Dance or Fame with me. Yes, gotta love the 80's . For better or worse I think I may actually be a bit of a prude because those books and movies scared me a bit and then my parents no to everything did not help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's ok to masturbate to that material, which is what they are doing. Just reassure them.

They way to get them to NOT masturbate to those books is to say, "go ahead and masturbate to those books. It's ok."

LOL at the Jondelar poster!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Doesn't matter. They only understand what they are ready for and find the rest boring.

I read Lolita at 11. Thought it was gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The children can read whatever they want as long as it's not perverted/coerced sex or torture. Normal sex? Fine, and we can discuss it.

That was my mother's rule and it will be mine too. My friend, as a young teen, quietly read the Marquis de Sade's memoirs (French libertine who tortured prostitutes - origin of the word sadism), and was pretty traumatized for a while.

ITA, and apply the same rules to movies for teens as well.

[Anonymous]

First, not surprised. When I taught high school, the 9th graders were reading about "trains." I forget the specific expression, but its when a girl allows a long line of boys to have sex w her. I never heard the term until they told me!

They also were reading about abusive boyfriends and rape. As a parent, you need to discuss these topics w your children.

I have had pregnant 8th graders in my class and knew of pregnant 6th graders. Talk to your kids, do not shame them or pretend they are going to be virgins until their wedding night. They will either get the right info from you or misinformation from other kids. Which do you prefer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read Flowers in the Attic in 7th grade when I was 12. I think books that are erotica are not okay but books with sex scenes are, because ... people have sex. I am fairly certain by 9th grade I was reading my mom's Danielle Steel books with her blessing.

Huh? I do not understand the distinction. Both contain sex scenes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, not surprised. When I taught high school, the 9th graders were reading about "trains." I forget the specific expression, but its when a girl allows a long line of boys to have sex w her. I never heard the term until they told me!

They also were reading about abusive boyfriends and rape. As a parent, you need to discuss these topics w your children.

I have had pregnant 8th graders in my class and knew of pregnant 6th graders. Talk to your kids, do not shame them or pretend they are going to be virgins until their wedding night. They will either get the right info from you or misinformation from other kids. Which do you prefer?

How many of those pregnant girls had two engaged parents at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just caught my 14 year old reading a very very erotic book she found online, we were both very shocked, and embarrassed but she has always refused to talk to me about anything to do with boys, she freaks out and plugs her ears, for the first time I was actually speechless, and actually stuttered and just left the room with her phone, later she did tell me she was curious and I explained I was not mad just this is way new to me and I am still trying to figure out if there should be a punishment, this was last night.

Punish her? She will never be able to talk to you then. Grow up! You need to talk to your daughter about sex. Either you do or her friends or boyfriend will. Did you know some teens dont consider oral as sex? No protection is used. The religious right doesnt want teachers to educate our children. That is left up to the parents, so step up and do your job!

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, but I don't understand why you would consider punishing her for this. IMO, punishment is in order when a child breaks a house rule or does something wrong. Unless you had house rules regarding appropriate reading material that were known to her prior to this incident, it makes little sense to punish her under condition one. Do you feel that it is somehow wrong or inappropriate for her to read this type of book? If so, I can see why you would be upset and considering punishment but based on what you posted it doesn't seem like your DD realized that this was something you would consider wrong of her, so I wouldn't punish her for something she didn't realize you disapproved of.

My own view and approach towards such an incident is likely very different to yours, but for what it's worth I would not have a problem with kids in that age range reading books with pretty much any type of sexual content unless the "book" would be considered pornographic material under a legal standard. Other than that, I have almost never* censored media, especially print media such as books. Reading about things they might be curious about is far preferable as a means of learning about them than actually doing those things would be at that age, and if handled without judgement can be a good way to initiate a discussion that kids would probably otherwise do pretty much anything to avoid. Also, depending on the book and the child in question, they could be reading the book for the plot and pretty much skipping over the sex. That doesn't seem likely to be the case in the scenario you posted but I wanted to mention the possibility.

Just to throw this out there, I read several rather explicit books in middle/high school (think VC Andrews, etc.) and it certainly was not because I had any interest or intention in actually having sex or behaving in a promiscuous way... I was actually really shy about such things and kind of a prude and it was kind of thrilling to read things that were so 'edgy' in my mind and the complete opposite of anything I had any experience with or even really any concept of. I think it's entirely possible that many girls who read these type of books do so in order to have a "safe" non-threatening way to shock themselves with something that's completely out of their comfort zone. So while it is a good idea to talk with your daughter about sex, relationships, and self-respect, especially if her choice of reading material shocked or concerned you, I don't necessarily think you have immediate cause to worry that your child is unnaturally interested in such adult activities or in particular danger of being more likely to make inappropriate choices for her age simply based on this one incident of explicit reading material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read Flowers in the Attic in 7th grade when I was 12. I think books that are erotica are not okay but books with sex scenes are, because ... people have sex. I am fairly certain by 9th grade I was reading my mom's Danielle Steel books with her blessing.

That book is seriously disturbing!

why? I read it when I was a "tween", but don't recall much about the book. what's so disturbing about it? and if I don't even recall much about the book, it obviously had zero impact on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read Flowers in the Attic in 7th grade when I was 12. I think books that are erotica are not okay but books with sex scenes are, because ... people have sex. I am fairly certain by 9th grade I was reading my mom's Danielle Steel books with her blessing.

That book is seriously disturbing!

why? I read it when I was a "tween", but don't recall much about the book. what's so disturbing about it? and if I don't even recall much about the book, it obviously had zero impact on me.

Not that poster, and I liked the book when I read it years ago, but off the top of my head the things that PP might consider disturbing are (SPOILERS, highlight the next two lines of this post to reveal).....
the incest, the seriously warped attitudes about sex held by at least 3 characters, and (unrelated to sexual content) the child abuse/neglect and the fact that the mother was conspiring to murder her kids via poison -- arsenic, I think.

[Anonymous]

(as an aside, wow, PP, I'm impressed by your sophistication, and ability to hide the spoilers and yet make them legible if we are curious. I have no idea how that is done. (But I'm a luddite)

Anyway, while I also would feel at a bit of a loss in OP's situation, I am definitely in the camp of letting kids read what they want when it comes to literature. No one ever attempted to edit what I read as a kid. I had free range of the public library. (though I guess that is "tamer" than being online, since a kid would be embarrassed to be seen reading certain books in the library.) But still, I do on the whole agree with the grandpa who said no one becomes a bad kid by reading books. I might worry if it started to seem that a child was obsessed with violence or sex, but in general, I'd encourage them to explore all kinds of books.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, forget OP's question -- now I want to read these books! Which are best??

Flowers in the attic. Utter trash, and delicious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, not surprised. When I taught high school, the 9th graders were reading about "trains." I forget the specific expression, but its when a girl allows a long line of boys to have sex w her. I never heard the term until they told me!

They also were reading about abusive boyfriends and rape. As a parent, you need to discuss these topics w your children.

I have had pregnant 8th graders in my class and knew of pregnant 6th graders. Talk to your kids, do not shame them or pretend they are going to be virgins until their wedding night. They will either get the right info from you or misinformation from other kids. Which do you prefer?

How many of those pregnant girls had two engaged parents at home?

The 8th grader: single mom and grandma was going to raise the child. That is, until she had a heart attack. Don't know what became of the child. The 6th grader, I don't know personally, so I can't say.

The point was, some kids are sexually active. Parents need to educate them.