Stuck because of my husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take note fellas, don't marry a woman who thinks her career is more important than her family.

Just shut up, baby.

[Anonymous]

"Fellas" is code for troll. Or old man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:300k will be peanuts unless you come in with a large cash down payment (500k+) or am willing to live 30 miles from DC. You are living the dream all of us middle class folk in DC dream of. Stable job in low COL and option SAHM. Do some online job or work at private school and enroll kid there.

I look at the million dollar ugly old houses in Bethesda/McLean and wish I was living somewhere else, like Portland Oregon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Fellas" is code for troll. Or old man.

He sounds more like a elementary school kid.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are just looking for excuses. Reinvent yourself and find something where you live. Do what you have to and stop playing the blame game

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: What do YOU think is a good salary here? We'll let you know if it is, and where you can hope to live on that. Also, schools suck in DC proper, but are very good in Fairfax, Arlington, and Montgomery County, which is right next to DC.

I don't mean schools literally in DC, but in the metropolitan area.

Our income now is 120k and our mortgage is 250k. Taxes and COL are very low. Our real estate tax is $500.

I expect in DC our income would be 250-300k. Is that enough?

What's your calculation on the 250-300k? Your DH makes 120k now, I wouldn't expect a huge salary bump-up for him. Maybe 30k. So you have that much earning potential?

NP here. For good public schools in No. Va, you would need to buy a house for at least 500 to 550k, and it would be 30 + years old and in the outer suburbs. Honestly, if I were you, I would stay where you are and find a telecommuting job. You could seriously end up here in No. Va with both of you working and feeling like you have a lot "less", and with long commutes.

BS. We bought our home for $450K and are quite pleased with Marshall HS. Thank you! BTW, we have friends whose kids go to Falls Church HS, another much maligned schools because of its "complexion." They just got full ride scholarships for four years at a SLAC. I've been living and working in the DC area on and off for close to 30 years. I like a lot about it, but generally not the snobby asshats on this board. I know none of them our my neighbors, b/c I actually walk next door and talk to my neighbor when I have a plumbing or electrical problem. Not everyone needs to be a jerk-off "Big Law" (ooooh, I aaaaam so impressed!) attorney or government tit sucking contractor to make a good living here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: What do YOU think is a good salary here? We'll let you know if it is, and where you can hope to live on that. Also, schools suck in DC proper, but are very good in Fairfax, Arlington, and Montgomery County, which is right next to DC.

I don't mean schools literally in DC, but in the metropolitan area.

Our income now is 120k and our mortgage is 250k. Taxes and COL are very low. Our real estate tax is $500.

I expect in DC our income would be 250-300k. Is that enough?

What's your calculation on the 250-300k? Your DH makes 120k now, I wouldn't expect a huge salary bump-up for him. Maybe 30k. So you have that much earning potential?

NP here. For good public schools in No. Va, you would need to buy a house for at least 500 to 550k, and it would be 30 + years old and in the outer suburbs. Honestly, if I were you, I would stay where you are and find a telecommuting job. You could seriously end up here in No. Va with both of you working and feeling like you have a lot "less", and with long commutes.

BS. We bought our home for $450K and are quite pleased with Marshall HS. Thank you! BTW, we have friends whose kids go to Falls Church HS, another much maligned schools because of its "complexion." They just got full ride scholarships for four years at a SLAC. I've been living and working in the DC area on and off for close to 30 years. I like a lot about it, but generally not the snobby asshats on this board. I know none of them our my neighbors, b/c I actually walk next door and talk to my neighbor when I have a plumbing or electrical problem. Not everyone needs to be a jerk-off "Big Law" (ooooh, I aaaaam so impressed!) attorney or government tit sucking contractor to make a good living here.

Did you forget your meds again? Are you aware, there is such a thing as anger management counseling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for your feedback.

I do wonder how good are the public schools in DC area really? Are they best in the country? Are they competitive with European education?

I wouldn't necessary settle down in DC. I was thinking of just living there while DC goes to school, renting, and then moving back to the low cost of living.

Some of the DC area public schools are considered among the best in the country. In DC proper, I don't think so. Most wealthy families in DC send their kids to private school. It sounds to me like your concerns are:
- you aren't impressed with the public schools in your area
- you want to get back into your career

Totally reasonable concerns. You should talk to your DH about you can TOGETHER find solutions. Remote work and private school where you are now might be better than moving to DC unless you'll be making enough money to live in the more expensive parts of the DC area (where the well-regarded public schools are). But do some more research and talk to your husband about it. If he's unwilling to talk and consider compromises, marriage counseling is in order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are just looking for excuses. Reinvent yourself and find something where you live. Do what you have to and stop playing the blame game

Tired of reinventing myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:300k will be peanuts unless you come in with a large cash down payment (500k+) or am willing to live 30 miles from DC. You are living the dream all of us middle class folk in DC dream of. Stable job in low COL and option SAHM. Do some online job or work at private school and enroll kid there.

Not All. You may only speak for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:300k will be peanuts unless you come in with a large cash down payment (500k+) or am willing to live 30 miles from DC. You are living the dream all of us middle class folk in DC dream of. Stable job in low COL and option SAHM. Do some online job or work at private school and enroll kid there.

I look at the million dollar ugly old houses in Bethesda/McLean and wish I was living somewhere else, like Portland Oregon.

OMG me too, but the reality is no jobs and no sunshine all winter. And none of my friends out there can find any decent men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:300k will be peanuts unless you come in with a large cash down payment (500k+) or am willing to live 30 miles from DC. You are living the dream all of us middle class folk in DC dream of. Stable job in low COL and option SAHM. Do some online job or work at private school and enroll kid there.

I look at the million dollar ugly old houses in Bethesda/McLean and wish I was living somewhere else, like Portland Oregon.

OMG me too, but the reality is no jobs and no sunshine all winter. And none of my friends out there can find any decent men.

YES --I third that! I <3 Oregon and the west coast.... *sigh*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in a small town (200K population) in another state. DH earns a great living, his job is pretty secure and the cost of living here is very low.

I took a break when DC was born and now, a few years later, want to get back to work. I keep facing the same issue over and over again. The town is small and I have no luck here. Yet I frequently get inquiries regarding positions in other cities and states. And every time I have to turn it down because I can't relocate. DH can get a job in DC in a heart bit, and I'm getting interview requests for positions there. Yet he's reluctant to move and change jobs. While I think it would be beneficial not only for me, but our DC because a city is more stimulating and the schools are better there.

Have you had similar experience? Any advice?

Go search all the threads bitching about the schools and the general competitive nature regarding kids and schooling. Agree you are being a selfish nag and you need to put on your big girl panties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:200K isn't small town.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for your feedback.

I do wonder how good are the public schools in DC area really? Are they best in the country? Are they competitive with European education?

I wouldn't necessary settle down in DC. I was thinking of just living there while DC goes to school, renting, and then moving back to the low cost of living.

You are delusional. If you want the "city life" then you are renting in the most expensive parts of the city, probably in a 1 bedroom, a 2 bedroom if you are lucky. If you live in Silver Spring or Bethesda that is not "city living." Are there wonderful things about those communities? Of course. But ultimately it is a lot like suburban living in a lot of ways. So you move from a nice house into a tiny, a cheap one bedroom in Upper NW (west of the park, of course), and then you are talking not just about a COL adjustment but a quality of life adjustment. If you spend 15+ years renting that is 15+ years that you are not building equity in a home. You need to be more creative about the job search and think more holistically about your life and what is best for your family. You made choices to move and to stay at home for a reason - it sounds to me like you are now trying to pin the results of those choices solely on your husband, which is patently not fair.