Stuck because of my husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband should have screened you properly before marriage. But since he did not, I would advise him not to leave his secure, nice paying job in an area with a low cost of living just because he is being nagged by his wife. I would advise him to find something else to occupy your time. Whether that be a job, starting a business, or even focusing on your child.

But the chances are it is a lose lose for him, because no matter what, you will find something to complain about. If he finds a new job in an area with a higher col you will be mad that he doesn't make enough and that even with your pay you still feel stressed and a little behind. At least staying but allows him to maintain a nice financial balance.

If you feel held back by your DH, then by all means set yourself free but don't go whining about how mean your DH is. Good luck with that.

I enjoy my life and am not complaining about it. However, 1) My career has been the sacrificial lamb in our family; and 2) The schools here are really not good.

And what about my financial balance? If my husband was gone tomorrow I'd left unemployed and with a multi-year gap in my resume and behind in my skills.

That's what life insurance is for, honey.

[Anonymous]

200K isn't small town.

[Anonymous]

How old is your child? Do you/your husband have family in the area where you live now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
That's what life insurance is for, honey.

What if he just leaves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your child? Do you/your husband have family in the area where you live now?

Almost 5. He has family in the area, I don't.

[Anonymous]

Schools are not that good here, unless you can afford a very expensive area. And in a family, somebodys career takes a nose dive. You mommy tracked and here you would start at a job that is a step below what you would like.
And the cheaper areas to live in are not that nice

[Anonymous]

OP: What do YOU think is a good salary here? We'll let you know if it is, and where you can hope to live on that. Also, schools suck in DC proper, but are very good in Fairfax, Arlington, and Montgomery County, which is right next to DC.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your husband should have screened you properly before marriage. But since he did not, I would advise him not to leave his secure, nice paying job in an area with a low cost of living just because he is being nagged by his wife. I would advise him to find something else to occupy your time. Whether that be a job, starting a business, or even focusing on your child.

But the chances are it is a lose lose for him, because no matter what, you will find something to complain about. If he finds a new job in an area with a higher col you will be mad that he doesn't make enough and that even with your pay you still feel stressed and a little behind. At least staying but allows him to maintain a nice financial balance.

If you feel held back by your DH, then by all means set yourself free but don't go whining about how mean your DH is. Good luck with that.[/quote]

You're jumping to divorce? Bad, bad advice. What they need is to talk about priorities and paths to happiness, investigate compromises, make plans and get a way for all parties to grow. Counseling or financial planning maybe, but not divorce. Step back from jumping the train and think.[/quote]

That was sarcasm.

[Anonymous]

Take note fellas, don't marry a woman who thinks her career is more important than her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: What do YOU think is a good salary here? We'll let you know if it is, and where you can hope to live on that. Also, schools suck in DC proper, but are very good in Fairfax, Arlington, and Montgomery County, which is right next to DC.

I don't mean schools literally in DC, but in the metropolitan area.

Our income now is 120k and our mortgage is 250k. Taxes and COL are very low. Our real estate tax is $500.

I expect in DC our income would be 250-300k. Is that enough?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take note fellas, don't marry a woman who thinks her career is more important than her family.

Yes, women too have rights to careers. Welcome to 20th century.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: What do YOU think is a good salary here? We'll let you know if it is, and where you can hope to live on that. Also, schools suck in DC proper, but are very good in Fairfax, Arlington, and Montgomery County, which is right next to DC.

I don't mean schools literally in DC, but in the metropolitan area.

Our income now is 120k and our mortgage is 250k. Taxes and COL are very low. Our real estate tax is $500.

I expect in DC our income would be 250-300k. Is that enough?

Maybe... It really depends on where and how you want to live. There are folks on here that live just fine on that or less and others who can't make ends meet. You will be spending most of your money on housing which is expensive, the "good" school districts also have high dollar homes. My property taxes (mont county) are 7k per year. Only you know how much you need to live but if you have visions of living in a beautiful home on a beautiful tree lined street in DC with good schools, walking to the metro to take advantage of what the city has to offer and doing it on 250k per year... That's not even close to realistic.

Another thing to consider is the IT job market is tougher than it has been in years. Layoffs at the big consulting firms have put a lot of skilled people on the street. Consulting is the primary employer for IT, it is a dog eat dog world. My DH is an IT executive (SVP) and said sequestration has made it really tough. As work ends and people are laid off, when positions do open the push is to hire cheaper, less experienced labor.

So, only you can decide if its enough. If you are ok with a small house, townhome or condo that may need some work but with good location and schools 250K may be fine. We have a beautiful and vibrant city. The downside is the area is so expensive, traffic is bad and we have a lot of highly educated type A people. Living life is a competitive sport.

[Anonymous]

We make 250k and live in Silver Spring. We are ok with the schools but you might not be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband should have screened you properly before marriage. But since he did not, I would advise him not to leave his secure, nice paying job in an area with a low cost of living just because he is being nagged by his wife. I would advise him to find something else to occupy your time. Whether that be a job, starting a business, or even focusing on your child.

But the chances are it is a lose lose for him, because no matter what, you will find something to complain about. If he finds a new job in an area with a higher col you will be mad that he doesn't make enough and that even with your pay you still feel stressed and a little behind. At least staying but allows him to maintain a nice financial balance.

If you feel held back by your DH, then by all means set yourself free but don't go whining about how mean your DH is. Good luck with that.

What the hell? This is not 1950 nor do I think OP is wearing high heels while she vacuums. Maybe she should have screened HIM properly.

Since you can't offer a viable solution and basically blowing smoke out of your a$$, maybe the OP might think about an online position. I don't know OP's background but IT and case management (nursing and social work) can be done online. Companies like BC/BS and Wellpoint offer many online positions. OP think about getting additional education in fields that can allow you to work online. Informatics is one, and their are numerous others. You can earn a degree or an additional one at the hundreds of online universities. I would stay away from the for-profit schools.

The only thing I agree with this from this jerk of a poster is that you occupy for your time. And that can be by doing the research I mentioned above. Where there's a will, there's a way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband should have screened you properly before marriage. But since he did not, I would advise him not to leave his secure, nice paying job in an area with a low cost of living just because he is being nagged by his wife. I would advise him to find something else to occupy your time. Whether that be a job, starting a business, or even focusing on your child.

But the chances are it is a lose lose for him, because no matter what, you will find something to complain about. If he finds a new job in an area with a higher col you will be mad that he doesn't make enough and that even with your pay you still feel stressed and a little behind. At least staying but allows him to maintain a nice financial balance.

If you feel held back by your DH, then by all means set yourself free but don't go whining about how mean your DH is. Good luck with that.

What the hell? This is not 1950 nor do I think OP is wearing high heels while she vacuums. Maybe she should have screened HIM properly.

Since you can't offer a viable solution and basically blowing smoke out of your a$$, maybe the OP might think about an online position. I don't know OP's background but IT and case management (nursing and social work) can be done online. Companies like BC/BS and Wellpoint offer many online positions. OP think about getting additional education in fields that can allow you to work online. Informatics is one, and their are numerous others. You can earn a degree or an additional one at the hundreds of online universities. I would stay away from the for-profit schools.

The only thing I agree with this from this jerk of a poster is that you occupy for your time. And that can be by doing the research I mentioned above. Where there's a will, there's a way.

I agree with the PP about online work. I work online as a college instructor with a major university and absolutely love it. My students are from all over the world though my specialty is Public Health. Just make sure any additional education you pursue will open doors for online employment. Otherwise, you'll be in the same boat you are now. Do your homework and good luck!!