Wastful children/grandchildren - should I say something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No! Don't say a thing! My god. Clean your plate is a great path to obesity and if you suggest the smaller entree u will look cheap. It is once a year. Let it go.

Hmmm, no, it's not. It's all the junk you eat. I ate actual food growing up, and was always reminded to clean my plate, both so as not to be wasteful and also out of politeness. I had my meals and didn't munch constantly like most people seem to do nowadays. At 47 years of age, I'm still a size 2. It's appalling to me to watch adults encourage their children to throw barely-touched proper food away because "well, they're just not hungry, and it's good that they assert that" only to turn around and feed them snacks and dessert when they eventually want to eat. Talk about obesity.

OMG Americans are so freaking fat its an epidemic, and you're still pushing the clean plate agenda? How the hell does stuffing your face help any starving kid in Africa get more to eat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can understand. We give our grandchildren Cart Blanche when we take them out. They always order more than they can eat and I end up dreading the next time and coming up with all sorts of ways to tell them it's wasteful, but I don't. I think it's partly generational, but the lack of respect for our hard earned savings is what bothers me most. I'm sure if they were paying, they'd be more thoughtful.

NP here. I can understand this. As a grown grandchild, I have tried to offer to split the bill with my grandparents or to pay for the phone bill (for example) when I've stayed with them for extended periods (when I was helping box up the house of my other grandparents, for example). My grandmother's response has always been, "Don't insult me by offering me money!" She never said a word about the phone bills herself, and while my grandfather might gruffly joke about how much I spent he would also be sincerely offended if I pushed to pay.

I say this just because in some families the ability to spend the hard-earned and saved money on grandchildren is a marker of success and love. It sounds like OP is struggling with something in between, wanting to make the gesture but being uncomfortable with the waste because of her own life experiences. I recommend saying nothing and letting the gesture of generosity be what's remembered. The beauty of grandparents is that they aren't consumed with having to rear you to be a responsible adult, they can let you be a little spoiled.

[Anonymous]

Either get a doggy bag for them or if you won't do that and it upsets you this much, stop taking them to fancypants restaurants. You are not the parents and I would not risk alienating the kids or parents over leftover food.

Think of buying a meal like gift giving. You give a gift and then you let it go and take pleasure in the giving. Even if you don't like how they do or don't use the gift, it is not your place to complain. Giving has to be selfless.

[Anonymous]

Just pack the left overs and make sure that the child takes it home. Call the parents later to remind them to refrigerate it. Tell them that the grandchild enjoyed the food and ate very well, but the portion was too large to finish, so you got it packed. The parents can then look at the amount of food and realize that he was ordering more than he can eat.

Perhaps the fault is with the parents and if you can go out as a family and see how the parents behave when they are paying for his food themselves, it will give you a clue if it is worth stepping back.

And if you have to step back remember it is only once a year. If you are spending $100 a year on his meal then for the next 20 years it will only cost you $2000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Just pack the left overs and make sure that the child takes it home. Call the parents later to remind them to refrigerate it. Tell them that the grandchild enjoyed the food and ate very well, but the portion was too large to finish, so you got it packed. The parents can then look at the amount of food and realize that he was ordering more than he can eat.

Perhaps the fault is with the parents and if you can go out as a family and see how the parents behave when they are paying for his food themselves, it will give you a clue if it is worth stepping back.

And if you have to step back remember it is only once a year. If you are spending $100 a year on his meal then for the next 20 years it will only cost you $2000.

Agreed. Not worth the ill feelings to let parents know directly.

[Anonymous]

A shrimp cocktail, a three pound lobster, and a slab of cake is a huge meal. No one needs this much food. This isn't a meal. It's enough for three people.

+1

I would be horrified if one of my children ordered a meal like that. Shame on the parents for not correcting him. Sure, its a birthday, but he's taking advantage. Geez. I agree with the previous poster who said to make the "eyes are bigger than stomach" comment.... or to pack it up so it won't go to waste.