Wastful children/grandchildren - should I say something?

[Anonymous]

Every year, we take our grandson (he's now 14) and his parents out to a special dinner, Mortons, The Palm, etc. He generally orders an appetizer, a 3 lb lobster and dessert and much of it goes to waste. While we enjoy a wonderful life, we are not wasteful people. The last time it happened, I said, "Next time, you can probably get a 2 lb lobster," but I felt a little bad. How can we approach this without hurting anyone's feelings and continuing to allow our grandson to enjoy a special birthday dinner with us?

[Anonymous]

No! Don't say a thing! My god. Clean your plate is a great path to obesity and if you suggest the smaller entree u will look cheap. It is once a year. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Suggest sharing appetizers and desserts. Nobody needs their own shrimp cocktails and own huge slab of cake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every year, we take our grandson (he's now 14) and his parents out to a special dinner, Mortons, The Palm, etc. He generally orders an appetizer, a 3 lb lobster and dessert and much of it goes to waste. While we enjoy a wonderful life, we are not wasteful people. The last time it happened, I said, "Next time, you can probably get a 2 lb lobster," but I felt a little bad. How can we approach this without hurting anyone's feelings and continuing to allow our grandson to enjoy a special birthday dinner with us?

I think you made an excellent suggestion. You can also ask if he'd like to take any of "this delicious food" home to enjoy for another meal. If he doesn't, just let it go. You are doing him a favor by making him aware of how a good guest behaves. Next time, it could be a potential employer or romantic partner. His parents should be doing this but I'm sure you've already mentioned it to your DC (right?).

[Anonymous]

Unless you told everyone at the table that you were paying only for a certain entree, it was your treat, right? So that was what it was -- your treat. You can take the leftovers home but you can't scold people.

I agree with you OP, this is extremely wasteful. But it's up to this child's parents to let him know that, not you,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suggest sharing appetizers and desserts. Nobody needs their own shrimp cocktails and own huge slab of cake.

I hated when my grandparents did this. They always insisted that we all share because they had tiny appetites, and they wanted all the leftovers wrapped up. I hated eating out with them consequently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No! Don't say a thing! My god. Clean your plate is a great path to obesity and if you suggest the smaller entree u will look cheap. It is once a year. Let it go.

Hmmm, no, it's not. It's all the junk you eat. I ate actual food growing up, and was always reminded to clean my plate, both so as not to be wasteful and also out of politeness. I had my meals and didn't munch constantly like most people seem to do nowadays. At 47 years of age, I'm still a size 2. It's appalling to me to watch adults encourage their children to throw barely-touched proper food away because "well, they're just not hungry, and it's good that they assert that" only to turn around and feed them snacks and dessert when they eventually want to eat. Talk about obesity.

[Anonymous]

It's once a year. It's okay to comment on how his eyes were bigger than his stomach at the end of the meal, or ask to have the leftovers packed up "so they don't go to waste," but otherwise it seems this is not really a fight worth having.

[Anonymous]

Why dont you mention this to your son or daughter so they can address it?

Quite frankly, I think its poor parenting on behalf of your son or duaghter to not properly tell their child that they are being wasteful and dont need to order that all themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suggest sharing appetizers and desserts. Nobody needs their own shrimp cocktails and own huge slab of cake.

I hated when my grandparents did this. They always insisted that we all share because they had tiny appetites, and they wanted all the leftovers wrapped up. I hated eating out with them consequently.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, by criticizing them or otherwise curtailing the dinner, you won't be teaching them any life lessons in your once-per-year dinner. You will just make them feel uncomfortable/judged/criticized and they will remember that instead.

It's once a year. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No! Don't say a thing! My god. Clean your plate is a great path to obesity and if you suggest the smaller entree u will look cheap. It is once a year. Let it go.

Hmmm, no, it's not. It's all the junk you eat. I ate actual food growing up, and was always reminded to clean my plate, both so as not to be wasteful and also out of politeness. I had my meals and didn't munch constantly like most people seem to do nowadays. At 47 years of age, I'm still a size 2. It's appalling to me to watch adults encourage their children to throw barely-touched proper food away because "well, they're just not hungry, and it's good that they assert that" only to turn around and feed them snacks and dessert when they eventually want to eat. Talk about obesity.

A shrimp cocktail, a three pound lobster, and a slab of cake is a huge meal. No one needs this much food. This isn't a meal. It's enough for three people.

[Anonymous]

I am a bit shocked that the parents allow this behavior. I would never allow it and make it clear that they can pick one entree under XXX price and that anything else is shared in less it is a birthday and then one desert. That is bad parenting and I would set a limit during the invitation and I would also pick a much cheaper place, like pizza or Chinese food. I can't imagine doing that to my parents. We order what we will eat and often share. I don't see the issue in sharing. I often will share my meal with my little one and its my parents ordering a separate meal. 1/2 the time she doesn't eat it so I feel bad spending their money to waste it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, by criticizing them or otherwise curtailing the dinner, you won't be teaching them any life lessons in your once-per-year dinner. You will just make them feel uncomfortable/judged/criticized and they will remember that instead.

It's once a year. Let it go.

I would feel the same way that OP does but I think this pp has it right. Let it go, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suggest sharing appetizers and desserts. Nobody needs their own shrimp cocktails and own huge slab of cake.

I hated when my grandparents did this. They always insisted that we all share because they had tiny appetites, and they wanted all the leftovers wrapped up. I hated eating out with them consequently.

Honey, I'm not saying to insist, I'm saying to suggest. "Grandpa and I love shrimp cocktail too - shall we get two for the table?" If the child says no, he wants his own, I'd let him have his own.