Would you be upset if DH allowed toddler DD to have alcoholic drink?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a solid possibility your husband is regularly slipping booze into his 4x/wk smoothies and didn't want anybody to know about it. I'm serious: I would get in touch with AlAnon and learn about other warning signs that he might have a drinking problem.

It shows shockingly bad judgment to give anyone alcohol without their permission/knowledge, let alone your breastfeeding wife, LET ALONE your toddler daughter. You have every right to be upset, and I hope you don't let this drop. Something is wrong here.

Completely agree. This is a huge red flag, something is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is now minimizing his role, trying to make you the bad guy, backpedaling, and rewriting the story.

What happened happened. He had the option of taking the cup away from the toddler himself, there and then, and did not. Because that would have "outed" him immediately.

There are so many distressing themes here. Lying, manipulating, covering up, alcohol to you and to toddler unknown, drinking getting covered up, placing blame on you for getting mad. This is a clusterfuck of irresponsibility, manipulation, power/control, drinking issues, and bad parenting.

[Anonymous]

Physician here. Ethanol ingestion by a toddler is something we take seriously. Other than the obvious concerns of the circumstances of the how the child ingested/was given alcohol, or co-ingestions with other substances, alcohol interferes with the liver's metabolic pathway of glucose processing. It can cause profound hypoglycemia, even in small quantities, to the point of seizures. This is what we monitor for in the ER, in addition to questioning whether or not CPS should be aware of the case. If the child doesn't exhibit symptoms in a 4-6 hour observation period and home is deemed as a safe place, we discharge the family.

Frangelico is 20% alcohol by volume, or 40 proof. By comparison Vodka is 40% (or 80 proof), beer is 3-10%, and wine is 8-14%. Given that the amount your husband added is up for debate, this is a serious issue. He is most certainly not "within his rights" to endanger a child. The law and the medical community react fiercely to this kind of thing.

It sounds like your LO is fine, and I'm glad to hear it. But you're going to need some help with your husband, OP. I'm very sorry this is happening over the holidays.

Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I don't have any intimate knowledge or experience with alcoholism, so perhaps other posters can shed some light. . .

If someone were a closet alcoholic, would he actually spike his spouse's drink? I would think that someone hiding alcoholism would make two smoothies, then surreptitiously spike his OWN drink. Not saying that there are other points of concern in this story, but closet alcoholism doesn't seem that logical to me.

I can kind of see the scenario 16:41 describes, especially combined with the cluelessness of many (even good) fathers on something like this. And the reaction of your DH seems like a man backed into a corner and on the defensive-- as easily about something stupid as about something more serious. (I know my DH gets far more defensive over the dumb stuff than the meaningful stuff. Not his finest behavior, but he otherwise has so many great qualities as a father and husband. He's just really, really uncomfortable when pointedly confronted with doing something stupid.)

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a solid possibility your husband is regularly slipping booze into his 4x/wk smoothies and didn't want anybody to know about it. I'm serious: I would get in touch with AlAnon and learn about other warning signs that he might have a drinking problem.

It shows shockingly bad judgment to give anyone alcohol without their permission/knowledge, let alone your breastfeeding wife, LET ALONE your toddler daughter. You have every right to be upset, and I hope you don't let this drop. Something is wrong here.

Completely agree. This is a huge red flag, something is wrong.

But if all the above were true, why on earth would her husband have even mentioned anything, 24 hours later??

Mom didn't notice anything wrong, and child had no unusual symptoms. So why wouldn't Dad have just kept quiet?

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you need a neutral party to hear both of you out. Your husband made an error in judgement and should hear from someone perhaps your child's pediatrician, that no alcohol is safe for a young child.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you ask your husband if he was afraid CPS would be called?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you need a neutral party to hear both of you out. Your husband made an error in judgement and should hear from someone perhaps your child's pediatrician, that no alcohol is safe for a young child.

He knows that alcohol given to a toddler is not okay. That's evident. It's not like the OP walked in the kitchen to find her husband giving the kid a drink and then an argument breaking out over whether it was safe. He knew.

This is more than a judgement in error. The neutral party that needs to get involved is a really good marriage therapist, preferably someone with a lot of experience dealing with addiction issues. There are so many red flags with this episode--drinking in the morning, lying by omission, turning it back on the OP, knowinging allowing the kid to drink alcohol. The sum of these things cannot be dismissed.

[Anonymous]

I think it is entirely possible that he didn't think 1 tsp of alcohol in a drink was any big deal, healthwise, for a toddler.

He isn't at this point going to listen to his wife; he should hear from a neutral party, such as a doctor, why this amount of alcohol is a big deal and very dangerous for a toddler.

[Anonymous]

What an odd story.

OP, you can't tell the taste of Frangelico in your drink? Really? And you let him bring sleep training and some old wine country tour into a conversation about him lying about putting alcohol in your morning smoothie?

That said, you also weren't very candid with us in your first post. You said alcohol, making us all think a shot or more. Now you are saying maybe a few teaspoons split between two smoothies.

It is inconsistencies like this that make you sound like a troll.


OP here. No, I couldn't tell that there was Frangelico in the drink. I sometimes get a weird reaction when I eat pineapple so when I sipped it and thought it tasted weird, I thought it was because I was reacting to the pineapple. I had just asked DH what was in the drink.

When I started this thread, DH had just told me what he did and then left for errands. I didn't know how much alcohol he put in the drinks but I clarified that when I talked to him when he returned. I don't believe it was just 2 spoonfuls - I think he's covering a bit, knowing I'm livid.

Frangelico doesn't taste like pineapple.

Your story is still not even remotely believable.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it was Bailey's in her coffee and OP changed the details around.

[Anonymous]

OP was three feet from DH.

OP was sitting at the kitchen table.

OP didn't SEE her husband pour the liquor into the blender? Really?

OP couldn't smell the frangelica once the bottle was opened?

DH didn't measure the liquor out in front of you?

Frangelica is similar to Amaretto. Nutty, vanilla, sweet, mostly used in milk/ cream based drinks or coffee. Used in a fruit smoothie? NO.

DH is a lawyer, OP said... He'd know this is crappy behavior.

Wackadoo story, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it was Bailey's in her coffee and OP changed the details around.

OP is a moron if she

1. Was allowing her toddler to sip coffee.

And

2. Was drinking Baileys and couldn't taste it.

OP & DH both sound like they need help.

[Anonymous]

In a sleep-deprived stupor, my hubby once accidentally refilled my daughter's sippy cup with wine instead of juice. Total accident, and he's a terrific dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a sleep-deprived stupor, my hubby once accidentally refilled my daughter's sippy cup with wine instead of juice. Total accident, and he's a terrific dad.

Now that can't be true.