Would you be upset if DH allowed toddler DD to have alcoholic drink?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what are you going to do OP? Your husband gave you a drink and lied by omission about the alcohol in it. He continued the lie when he watched you give the drink to your toddler. And now you're asking an anonymous board if you should be upset. Wow.

For the record, this is one of those "We need to have a serious talk with a professional in order to continue in this marriage" situations.

OP again. I tried to talk to DH about it but he didn't have anything to say. I pressed and HE started to get peeved. As if I was in the wrong to question him. He has gone it to run errands but I wanted to post in the meantime to see if this was something I was blowing out of proportion or not. I am very upset but I don't know what more I can do than to talk to DH about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again....I'm not sure why I sound nuts as two PPs have stated. I didn't know he put alcohol in the drink. I asked what the ingredients were. I was told only fruit.

I guess since DH is "working from home" this week, he thought he'd indulge a bit?

You sound nuts bc you don't seem to realize that your husband lying to you about whether there was alcohol in a drink he made you, then WATCHING your toddler drink it, is a MAJOR issue that indicates that he has serious mental issues. Like most other pp's I thought I was opening a post about a tiny sip of wine at a holiday party. If you're not a troll, and posters think you are, that indicates a problem so crazy and unprecedented that people think it's fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what are you going to do OP? Your husband gave you a drink and lied by omission about the alcohol in it. He continued the lie when he watched you give the drink to your toddler. And now you're asking an anonymous board if you should be upset. Wow.

For the record, this is one of those "We need to have a serious talk with a professional in order to continue in this marriage" situations.

OP again. I tried to talk to DH about it but he didn't have anything to say. I pressed and HE started to get peeved. As if I was in the wrong to question him. He has gone it to run errands but I wanted to post in the meantime to see if this was something I was blowing out of proportion or not. I am very upset but I don't know what more I can do than to talk to DH about it.

Are you kidding? How about "This behavior is absolutely unacceptable and indicates a serious problem in our marriage. I have made an appointment with a professional counselor for Jan __ at __ o'clock. My assumption is that you care deeply about this family and about dealing with this issue. If you choose not to go with me, then I will be left thinking that you are not committed to this family and that we will need to have a different type of conversation."

Or you can just let him get pissed and bully you into sweeping this under the rug. It's your choice.

[Anonymous]

This is an issue big enough that I think a lot of us would go stay with a family member until hubbie agreed to at least one counseling session to discuss this incident with a third party. It simply wouldnt be good enough for him to say it wasnt a big deal or act like I was blowing something out of proportion. This IS a big deal and it deserves counseling to figure out why he was ABLE to wait a day without telling you he watched your ( plural) toddler consume alcohol and did nothing. He waited and watched for a day to see what would happen and you were none the wiser. No intervention, just watching and hoping. This is as negligent as letting the toddler drink alcohol to begin with. NOT ok and if his judgement is truly this skewed than a counselor who is objective needs to set him straight. Be aware though that counselors, or at leas the ones I have seen, take great care to explain to you at the beginning of your session that if they hear anything that qualifies as child abuse they have to report you.

[Anonymous]

As a mental health professional if I knew you it'd be something I'd call CPS about to discuss whether reportable. I'm just saying its serious.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PPs. You didn't sound nuts until you were so calm. I'd be beyond furious and he would be out of my house until I knew I could trust him to safely parent our child. What he did was beyond insane.

[Anonymous]

i think it's sick on your husband's part to know that he silently sat there watching your toddler drink alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You couldnt tell that there was alcohol in it? Do you and your husband usually have alcohol smoothies for breakfast?

Strange story.

OP here. I thought something tasted a bit weird so I asked DH what was in it. He replied with bananas, oranges, pineapple. That's it. I took a few sips but let DD have the majority of it.

Apparently DH adds alcohol to drinks without me knowing.

I would have major issues with this and with my toddler consuming alcohol w/o me knowing.

WTH is your DH thinking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again....I'm not sure why I sound nuts as two PPs have stated. I didn't know he put alcohol in the drink. I asked what the ingredients were. I was told only fruit.

I guess since DH is "working from home" this week, he thought he'd indulge a bit?

Why is your DH giving you alcohol to drink and lying about it?

[Anonymous]

This whole situation is sick. How could he sit and watch your toddler drink an alcoholic drink? Why would he give you an alcoholic drink for breakfast? If this a real post, then I'm very sorry for you. Your husband is sick. He has major problems.

[Anonymous]

Hey, OP - just wanted to say hang in there. If I was you these responses might be freaking me out, but it's really hard to judge these things from afar. Just keep that in mind. We don't know how much alcohol was in the drink, how small your "small" glass was, etc. We also don't know why your husband does this, how long he's been doing it, etc. People may just be assuming the worst.

I do think you need to talk to him about it to get answers to these questions, but I personally don't think I'd be at the leaving the house and demanding counseling stage. If he's not willing to discuss it then you've got a larger problem on your hands and you may want to see a counselor on your own, but I'm not sure you're there yet.

Personally, I don't think a toddler getting a little alcohol by accident is that big a deal, but like I said, it's hard to know what really happened here and therefore hard to judge. I might lead the conversation just asking about the alcohol in the drink part and not deal with the toddler issue until you get more clarity on that. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP here....I just tried talking to him about it. Of course he tried to turn the finger on me and say he has so many problems with me and I'm doing serious damage to DD by not sleep training her, that whatever damage was to be done was done when we went on a wine country tour when I drank loads of wine at 4 weeks pregnant (before I knew I was pregnant). He said that fine, if I had a problem with him not telling me I was drinking alcohol but that as her father, he was within his rights to allow DD to drink the trace amounts of alcohol she did. That he can make that call.

I'm appalled. I'm angry and astonished this is his attitude. I told him no matter what he thought his rights were as a father, he was giving alcohol to a child and it was illegal. He then told me never to threaten him with the law and that he is a lawyer not some dumb dumb.

I don't even know where to begin. This is ridiculous. What a fucking immature asshole. Too egotistical to admit he made a mistake. To prideful to acknowledge he put our DD at risk.

I can't believe his cavalier attitude.

[Anonymous]

His defensiveness makes me think he's an alcoholic. Seriously. Who puts alcohol in a breakfast beverage on a day when he's supposed to be working, then gives some to his spouse but lies about it, and then lets his toddler drink it?
It makes absolutely no sense at all.

[Anonymous]

What kind of alcohol was this? and how didnt you taste it?

If my DH poured some vodka into my morning smoothie it would take about 2 seconds for me to be like, "WHY THE F**K IS THERE VODKA IN THE SMOOTHIE YOU FREAK"

I'm voting strange troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of alcohol was this? and how didnt you taste it?

If my DH poured some vodka into my morning smoothie it would take about 2 seconds for me to be like, "WHY THE F**K IS THERE VODKA IN THE SMOOTHIE YOU FREAK"

I'm voting strange troll.

It was Frangelico. And he said he only put 2 spoons in the whole amount (his portion and my portion). I'm still trying to process the fact that he said he was within his rights to do this. Wtf? Why wouldn't he just tell me??? I wish I were a troll. Believe me.