What do you think of this email from a roommate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1502 She can use my spoons. You understand that I am not the one who has asked to have my clean silverware "segregated" after it comes out of the dishwasher - she has. Because, she says, she is afraid of losing it.

If you clear the dishwasher, put hers in a pile nearby for her to put away later.

[Anonymous]

If your roommate skipped any attempt to talk to you and immediately went the email route, then the emails are odd. The tone's nice, but the messages feel over-controlling, which I wouldn't like, if I were you.

I doubt s/he went directly to emails, though. This sounds like a long-term issue that's been causing problems. Sounds like your roommate has good reason to be upset, too, if food is actually rotting and causing an offensive odor. That makes this not just an aesthetic issue, but a health hazard.

[Anonymous]

OP - it would be very helpful if you shared how old you and your roommate are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your roommate skipped any attempt to talk to you and immediately went the email route, then the emails are odd. The tone's nice, but the messages feel over-controlling, which I wouldn't like, if I were you.

I doubt s/he went directly to emails, though. This sounds like a long-term issue that's been causing problems. Sounds like your roommate has good reason to be upset, too, if food is actually rotting and causing an offensive odor. That makes this not just an aesthetic issue, but a health hazard.

The roommate sounds introverted with some obsessive-compulsive tendencies. It is not uncommon for someone like that to be more comfortable with emails. She is very polite. Is she Asian? The only reason I mention that is I had several Asian friends in college who preferred leaving notes over direct confrontation but were the nicest, most polite people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you get along otherwise or are there other points of contention? If everything else is ok and she pays her bills on time, I think each of you can give a little to make this work. You can let her have the last two utensil slots, rinse your recyclables, put your leftover take-out in a gallon zip, and check the frig more often for moldy food. She can buy the gallon ziplocks/baking soda, and clean the common areas to her hearts content. She needs to keep her hands off your stuff otherwise. I've lived with worse roommates (sticky notes all over everything, dishes piled up high, missing food) and made it work. You mentioned there were kids living there. I wondering why they weren't mentioned as being part of the situation.

Thanks PP, I am not going into too many details because, do you really want my and her life story? For the most part we hardly ever see each other. She seems like generally a nice person. As others on the thread have observed, she seems a bit OCD.

I wanted unbiased third party input and so I am not giving too much info, just the actual emails then answering questions if I think it makes sense to do so. The level of (what I would consider to be) nitpickiness seemed kind of nuts to me so I wanted outsider's opinions.

I've lived with many roommates and actually, some of my closest friends are my former roommates. I've never had a roommate (before) with whom I had a conflict. Wan't always perfect but overall, worked out fine. One was my maid of honor even.....

There have been other examples of her fretting over things that seem a little weird to me - example, she was very concerned about the way my lawn mowing company mulches the lawn clippings because they are, she said, "killing the other plants". Sent me an email to ask me to speak with them about it. I'm a gardener but not overly concerned about what the mowers do with the lawn clippings. I'm the homeowner, why she's worried about my plants I can't imagine.


We have a six month lease and I think that I'll just end it when it expires because we are not compatible. I'm pretty clean, and as I said the house is professionally cleaned weekly, and my kids and I are rarely at home - lots of after school activities. But with two kids and a full time job, I don't think I am going to ever be able to meet a self-confessed "perfectionist" standard whose mom kept a house clean enough to eat off the floor. (Strange though, she doesn't mind her own dirty dishes in the sink for a couple days?) Hell last night my four year old had an accident (in child's own bathroom) all over the floor. Of course I cleaned it up. But the idea of floors you can eat off of makes me want to laugh

Generally she just seems determined to be unhappy and I'm tired of feeling like I'm walking on eggshells worrying about what is going to result in a bizarre three paragrpah email about silverware sorting systems next....So I guess for the next several months I'll redouble my efforts to make it work and just count the days 'til it's over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - it would be very helpful if you shared how old you and your roommate are.

White, 40s, not asian, went directly to email, no in person discussion.

[Anonymous]

I would break the lease. Tell her it's not working out. Why live that way? She is strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We have a six month lease and I think that I'll just end it when it expires because we are not compatible. I'm pretty clean, and as I said the house is professionally cleaned weekly, and my kids and I are rarely at home - lots of after school activities. But with two kids and a full time job, I don't think I am going to ever be able to meet a self-confessed "perfectionist" standard whose mom kept a house clean enough to eat off the floor. (Strange though, she doesn't mind her own dirty dishes in the sink for a couple days?) Hell last night my four year old had an accident (in child's own bathroom) all over the floor. Of course I cleaned it up. But the idea of floors you can eat off of makes me want to laugh

Generally she just seems determined to be unhappy and I'm tired of feeling like I'm walking on eggshells worrying about what is going to result in a bizarre three paragrpah email about silverware sorting systems next....So I guess for the next several months I'll redouble my efforts to make it work and just count the days 'til it's over.

That sounds very wise, OP. I don't get the "clean enough to eat off" the floor thing either. Makes me want to throw up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - it would be very helpful if you shared how old you and your roommate are.

White, 40s, not asian, went directly to email, no in person discussion.

this is strange. while I don't think you're as blameless as you think you are, given what you've posted, I also think you might want to think about breaking the lease. The emails are strange, especially if no discussion preceded them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - it would be very helpful if you shared how old you and your roommate are.

White, 40s, not asian, went directly to email, no in person discussion.

OP - why did you specify "not asian" and not any other races?

[Anonymous]

Cuz someone asked above. Specifically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
14 51 are you saying that if one gets food from a restaurant, it's not normal practice to keep it in those containers while it's in the fridge? That most people would transfer food from a take out container to a regular container?

A different PP (12:53 from page 2) who agrees with 14:51.

If food does not come in sealed containers, then yes, I transfer the food to a container with a snap on lid when I come home. It keeps the smells and flavors from getting into other foods. It also means that food that is a few days old, will only go bad by itself and not spread mold, bacteria, or spoiled food smells to other foods (some foods, like butter will absorb smells and flavors more easily than others). If you plan to eat the leftovers within 24 hours, you can leave it in the original containers, unless it has strong flavors/smells. If not, then transfer it. The worst containers are those ubiquitous styrofoam clamshells.

[Anonymous]

Oh, I see now, she is renting from you? And she moved into your house? It's especially weird that she would be making all these demands on you. When I've rented a room in someone's home, I thought I should adapt to them, not vice versa.

[Anonymous]

OP - 90% of her email is over the top. But I don't really have a problem with her throwing out moldy clementines. 1. Rotten food is gross, especially if it makes the fridge smell as well as the kitchen. Is it that big of a deal for her to throw out clementines that you wouldn't have eaten anyways? 2. If leftovers are not in a sealed container, I do transfer them into some sort of container to keep the smell or whatever down. I also think it helps keep food from spoiling.

However, I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that one 40 year old is this anal and another 40 year old is incapable of throwing out moldy food and needs to have a maid do it. And then gets pissed when someone else throws out the moldy food. I honestly thought I was reading a post from a freshman in college who was dealing with a roommate for the first time. You both sound a bit immature.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford a maid weekly, you don't need to get a roommate.

I have never heard of 40s women with kids living with a roommate.

I would rather eat dry bread and water every meal instead of living with a roommate. I hate roommate!