At what age can you reasonably expect "please" and "thank you" from a child?

[Anonymous]

2 and 4 yr old say it pretty consistently. They expect it at preschool too.

[Anonymous]

Clearly something wrong with my kids because neither says it without prompting, ever. Ages 3 and 5. And I don’t give them what they want unless they use their manners and request politely.

[Anonymous]

Our almost-2.5 year old has been saying thank you like a pro since a little before 2. We never asked/pushed her to say it, just modeled it a lot. She thanks people all day long for all sorts of things (the other day she thanked the sun for not shining in her eyes anymore after turning a corner!)

She is still super-patchy on the pleases, despite us being way pushier on that (we don't make her say please before giving her something, but we do say "Can you say please?" probably a couple times a day.) Her unpromoted pleases are few and far between.

[Anonymous]

2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly something wrong with my kids because neither says it without prompting, ever. Ages 3 and 5. And I don’t give them what they want unless they use their manners and request politely.

Serious question: Do you and your husband often say "please" and "thank you" to each other? My husband and I thank each other each time the other prepares a meal, and as a result, my 2 says, unprompted, "Thank you for a good dinner!" almost every night. We honestly thank each other all the time, and I think that's part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2. If you don't say please, you aren't given whatever you're asking for. If you don't say thank you, whatever you got gets taken away.

+1. We start working on it basically from infancy (modeling) and actively trying to get the kids to pick up on using please & thank you from as soon as they can manage more than single isolated words (definitely by 18 months for all of our kids so far). By 2, all of our kids have had sufficient verbal skills that we did expect those basic polite phrases from them at that point.

[Anonymous]

2

[Anonymous]

only slightly off topic, but I was wondering the same thing about whether I was "expecting too much" from my daughter's 10-year-old friends. I take turns driving carpool to various sports and of the 4 kids we taxi around, only 2 (my DD included) consistently say "Thank you for the ride" when I drop them off. It bugs me. I have taught my DD to say thank you and she does it always, as does one of the others. Every time. I know the other two hear it at least part of the time. Why don't they SAY it?
And parents: gratitude and expressions of polite manners do not take that much effort to teach and reinforce. Please try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly something wrong with my kids because neither says it without prompting, ever. Ages 3 and 5. And I don’t give them what they want unless they use their manners and request politely.

Same here, exactly. They DO say it outside of our home and I’m told they have good manners. But DH and I have to prompt the vast majority of the time at home, and sometimes correct the tone as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread, but just want to say that I've had great success if instead of where the adult normally says "yes" or "no," I say "yes-please" and "no-thank you."

Because they model what you say.

Example of typical way:
Parent: "Larla, do you want a piece of toast? Yes or no?"
Larla: "Yes."
Parent: "Yes, what?…What do you say?.." etc

versus:

"Larla, do you want a piece of toast? Yes-please or no-thank you?"
Larla: "Yes-please."

You are so confusing! You told her to say yes or no..

[Anonymous]

My 23 mo jas been saying "dat-tu" witjoit orompting for about 6 months. Je says please when we ask him to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread, but just want to say that I've had great success if instead of where the adult normally says "yes" or "no," I say "yes-please" and "no-thank you."

Because they model what you say.

Example of typical way:
Parent: "Larla, do you want a piece of toast? Yes or no?"
Larla: "Yes."
Parent: "Yes, what?…What do you say?.." etc

versus:

"Larla, do you want a piece of toast? Yes-please or no-thank you?"
Larla: "Yes-please."

You are so confusing! You told her to say yes or no..

+1! Yes, you've prompted her to say one thing--yes or no--then you expect her to say another thing: yes, please or no, thank you. Yikes!

[Anonymous]

I always say please and thank you with my 14mo. She can sign please and has her own spoken word for thank you.

[Anonymous]

My Au Pairs were sticklers about please/thank you/you’re welcome so DD started saying it really early, “please” was among the first words.