At what age can you reasonably expect "please" and "thank you" from a child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that as soon as they start speaking two word phrases, they can learn to say please and thank you. My son used signs before speaking and was doing please and thank you signs at 16 months. Now he's almost two and always uses please and thank you -- I expect it and prompt it a lot. What's extra douchy is that I was at a playgroup with a mom who heard me ask my son to say please and thank you when he was asking for toy. He did. She said, "I don't expect <daughter> to say that just because I tell her. I don't want her to say things just because an authoritarian figure is telling her to." 5 minutes later, her 2 and a half year old daughter starting burping on purpose, and then mother just laughed and asked her to do it again. Suffice it to say, they won't be coming over to my house for dinner any time soon.

Was it Honey Boo Boo?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son signed please at 8 mths... for everything. Now at 2.5 every request begins with Please and usually ends with a Thank You. If he forgets I remind him to ask nicely for something that he wants and he asks again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son signed please at 8 mths... for everything. Now at 2.5 every request begins with Please and usually ends with a Thank You. If he forgets I remind him to ask nicely for something that he wants and he asks again.

+1 on the eye roll. Let me guess, Babywise? That's just creepy ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son signed please at 8 mths... for everything. Now at 2.5 every request begins with Please and usually ends with a Thank You. If he forgets I remind him to ask nicely for something that he wants and he asks again.

My son did this too. But he signed it in Thai.

[Anonymous]

My 18 month old kid says "tankya" almost every time she receives something. We're working on "Please."

Right now I'd settle for not scratching Mommy's face when she's upset.

[Anonymous]

Signing please at 10 months old or so. Says please always, thank you most of the time. Now almost 22 months...I gave her a taste of honey yesterday and she came back and asked for "please more delicious!"

[Anonymous]

I actually get the authoritative argument about not making them say please and thank you and this is from the "May I please have" poster. We have our kids always asking nicely now not by making them but by the response they get from us when they ask in different ways. They have simply learned that if they ask the wrong way, people are less likely to respond positively and when they ask, "May I please have," the response is more positive -- even when the answer is still no. I was forced to say please and thank you as a kid and it made me not want to say it -- same with sorry. You want your kid to want to say these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Signing please at 10 months old or so. Says please always, thank you most of the time. Now almost 22 months...I gave her a taste of honey yesterday and she came back and asked for "please more delicious!"

Very cute!

[Anonymous]

Mine also signed both please and thank you before 1 and now says it consistently. She is 2 and a half now.
Not sure what the snark is over a baby signing and now being taught to say it. Geez.
NOW...my just turned 14 year old on the other hand. Used to be the most polite kid on the block. Cant get a word out of him on most days let alone please and thank you. We are back to trying to prompt him and he is loving that for sure - insert eye roll here!! Seems the hormones have erased the please and thank you chapter of his upbringing...hopefully they will come back at some point. And he comments constantly to people with me in earshot about how his baby sister is very polite and how well behaved she is compared to other toddlers ( not really btw)....then forgets to say please himself two minutes later. Total disconnect.

[Anonymous]

I found that please and thank you were early, like age 2-3. Very consistent until about kindergarten, then lots of forgetting. The requests were polite enough (not demanding, appropriate tone), but needed lots of reminders to add the please or thank you.

[Anonymous]

I don't get the eye rolls. They don't even know what it means at that age. All they're doing is copying the parents or caregivers. I had a charge (younger among 3 siblings) whose first word was please (peas). It was a joke when he asked for peas because it sounded like "Peas, Peas".

It's just the kids modeling good behavior. Why the eye roll?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found that please and thank you were early, like age 2-3. Very consistent until about kindergarten, then lots of forgetting. The requests were polite enough (not demanding, appropriate tone), but needed lots of reminders to add the please or thank you.

This is us except we started seen slipping between first and second grade. It got better again by fourth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found that please and thank you were early, like age 2-3. Very consistent until about kindergarten, then lots of forgetting. The requests were polite enough (not demanding, appropriate tone), but needed lots of reminders to add the please or thank you.

This is us except we started seen slipping between first and second grade. It got better again by fourth.

PP here. Same for us about it getting better. Also, I find that now that my kids are older, they say thank you for way more things - like planning things, giving them rides places, letting them join activities. Appreciation gets more real, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that as soon as they start speaking two word phrases, they can learn to say please and thank you. My son used signs before speaking and was doing please and thank you signs at 16 months. Now he's almost two and always uses please and thank you -- I expect it and prompt it a lot. What's extra douchy is that I was at a playgroup with a mom who heard me ask my son to say please and thank you when he was asking for toy. He did. She said, "I don't expect <daughter> to say that just because I tell her. I don't want her to say things just because an authoritarian figure is telling her to." 5 minutes later, her 2 and a half year old daughter starting burping on purpose, and then mother just laughed and asked her to do it again. Suffice it to say, they won't be coming over to my house for dinner any time soon.

+1. Actually taught please and thank you signs right around age 1. These days at 2.5, it's about 50-50 whether she says them on her own or has to be gently reminded. Whining has been the next beast to tackle.

And I agree, that family wouldn't become our best friends either. I hope to be an authoritarian parent. Loving and kind, but also firm with clear expectations of my children.

[Anonymous]

13:21. PS, it's also forced DH and I to make more of an effort to model behavior. Between us, sometimes those niceties are implied. "Could you hand me that dishtowel?" Now, there's always a please and thank you, or pointing out how nice it was if Daddy did X or if DD shared her crayon with me or whatever.

Kids need to have the verbal ability (or sign language ability) to articulate the words. It's the ongoing modeling and teaching that helps them understand when they are needed and why they are important.