At what age can you reasonably expect "please" and "thank you" from a child?

[Anonymous]

Our three year old consistently says "thank you". I think it's actually atypical, judging by his peers at preschool and our friends' kids. I think he picked it up because we're constantly emphasizing it with his older sibling, and him, too. And we're modeling it with each other and the kids.

That said, "please" is a bit slower in coming. He says it sometimes, but we're still hearing a demand/statement beginning with "I need" or "I want" more than a question beginning with "May I please have" or "Can I have . . . please." We usually just restate it for him and move on.

I think it takes A LOT of reinforcement for this to sink in. Lots and lots and lots and lots.

Meanwhile, he does say "excuse me" every time he burps or passes gas, which is HILARIOUSLY cute at his age.

[Anonymous]

Typically developing kids should have "please" "thank you" and "excuse me" down fairly consistently by around three or four without that much prompting.

My mom is a preschool teacher, and her preschool has an entire curriculum of manners to teach the kids by the end of the year, including using polite words, not interrupting when someone else is talking, table manners, and introductions. The majority of kids she teaches are able to handle these skills, so I would say kids that age should at a minimum be able to remember to say please.

Toddlers might need to be reminded or prompted though; it should become automatic through modeling from parents but really young kids may not have gotten to that point yet.

[Anonymous]

My twins were saying please and thank you in utero...boo yah!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My twins were saying please and thank you in utero...boo yah!

You dragged up a three year old thread to make this comment? You are such a loser.

[Anonymous]

Very verbal 21 month old needs to be reminded every single time except if you have said "no" to something and then you get the tortured "Please!"

[Anonymous]

I get the "goodnight Gracie" from my twenty-one-month old...

Me: Say thank you, Mary
Mary: Thank you Mary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's a reasonable age to expect your child to say "please" when asking for something, instead of "I want X!" Same question for "thank you."

When they start talking, OP. Model the behavior, is all.

[Anonymous]

At whatever age their speech skills allow it. In our case, due to speech delays they couldn't physically say anything like it until just after 2 years old. So that's when it starts.

I have an almost 2 year old with a speech delay and the best he can do is "da-ooo" after we give something. So that's what we expect. He can't say enough words to request things yet, but when he does then he will be expected to put something resembling "please" after it or he won't get it.

[Anonymous]

My 2.5 yo needs some prompting but generally is "expected" to say it. my 4yo generally says it unprompted, unless she is excited or upset, and she's a pretty tough kid.

that said, I'm not so naive and self-congratulatory as to think we're done with this particular lesson. I have 6 nieces and nephews aged 3-9, and some teenage cousins. the 9 year old is reliably polite! just about all the others have . . . moments. kids go through rude/defiant phases, and you have to pick your battles. it is important, I think, that good manners like please/thank you be the modeled norm in my household; so we teach them as part of basic good behavior to 2yos. But to "reasonably expect" them without prompting or reminders? Hm. Later, probably.

[Anonymous]

My 18 month old says please and thank you for anything she wants. She talks very clearly. She also says the names of everyone in the family. You can understand the names too. She seems to be quite advanced. All we do with her is talk to her and sing with her and read to her. She will grab her books and sit and tell the story.

[Anonymous]

My 21 month old uses please but needs to be prompted to say thank you and even then it's 50/50 at best.

[Anonymous]

2 for all of my children.

[Anonymous]

My youngest - 2 year old boy - is the politest one in the house. It's pretty hilarious.

[Anonymous]

We expected it from our kids at 2 yo. Even with a speech disorder, they always need to do the closest thing they can produce. At that point, it's more about the gesture/manners/idea than the exact word.

[Anonymous]

My 26 month old has had it down for a few months. Please is forgotten occasionally, thank you almost never. If she says, "I want X mommy!" I have her repeat it politely before she gets what she's asking for.