The downsides to being pretty....

[Anonymous]

damn!

so much for my daughter

FWIW, I, too, have a small but fabulous group of friends. Only one is actually a head-turner.

Anonymous wrote:I once read that the best possible "path" for a woman was to be awkward or unattractive as a child/teenager, because then they learn to develop compassion and humor and sweetness and all the things that people desire. They're not full of themselves because they're the "prettiest" one in 7th grade. They learn to be good people. Later, when they outgrow their awkward stage and fill out and grow and are no longer gawky, but attractive, they are still the kind, humorous and smart people they learned to be when they couldn't rely on their looks. I wish my daughter a long awkward stage. I wish her gawkiness and braces and bushy eyebrows. Because I wish her sweetness and kindness and generosity and compassion, and all the things she might fail to develop if she is convinced that beauty is her most important asset. Let her be beautiful later, after she learns the important stuff. I feel sorry for all of you in this thread who have not found genuine female companionship and support in the world- whether due to your looks or not. There is nothing better than a handful of women who support you no matter what. I have many acquaintances and friends, but a circle of 4 other women who comprise my tightest circle. No jealousy, no competition- they are truly salt of the earth. All women should have that.

[Anonymous]

Not being beautiful?

[Anonymous]

Ugly duckling here. I disagree somewhat. I once overheard my own Dad tell my mom that it was a good thing that I was smart, because I certainly wasn't going to get by with looks. I was probably 9 at the time. They didn't know I was listening. I wasn't a cute kid and I had a very lengthy and awkward phase. I didn't become attractive until college. I still don't "really" believe anyone who pays me a com

[Anonymous]

...pliment. I developed all sorts of other character traits to compensate for a low self esteem. Humor, studying hard, etc... I'm confident now, but my childhood was riddled with doubt about my worth, because so much of what little girls aspire to become is tied up in beauty. Wonder Woman, you were beautiful and I wanted to be just like you, minus the silly invisible plane.

[Anonymous]

I've NEVER been beautiful. I'm one of three sisters. Two look like my father and I look like my mother. Mom had weight problems when she was growing up. My parents didn't like feeding us, and I was the only one too scared of them to sneak food in between meals. I also had undiagnosed health issues. As a result, I've always been thin. I was also more attractive than Mom. Again, not beautiful, just attractive. Now that I'm working, I've noticed that women who aren't beautiful but perfectly attractive, like my mother, react to me with her same envy and resentment. I'm sure that something about my growing up experience is affecting my manner in some way and contributing to this. Other women can be moderately attractive and not deal with this resentment. There's no way it's a coincidence that I'm facing the same sort of resentment today from women unrelated to my mother. I'm working on understanding my end of this weird dynamic to try to fix it.

[Anonymous]

This bitch is ugly and wouod never make it in sales

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"the downsides to being pretty"

not knowing how to write well? not breaking any stereotypes here...

Oh look, the bitter came out on the first post!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once read that the best possible "path" for a woman was to be awkward or unattractive as a child/teenager, because then they learn to develop compassion and humor and sweetness and all the things that people desire. They're not full of themselves because they're the "prettiest" one in 7th grade. They learn to be good people. Later, when they outgrow their awkward stage and fill out and grow and are no longer gawky, but attractive, they are still the kind, humorous and smart people they learned to be when they couldn't rely on their looks. I wish my daughter a long awkward stage. I wish her gawkiness and braces and bushy eyebrows. Because I wish her sweetness and kindness and generosity and compassion, and all the things she might fail to develop if she is convinced that beauty is her most important asset. Let her be beautiful later, after she learns the important stuff. I feel sorry for all of you in this thread who have not found genuine female companionship and support in the world- whether due to your looks or not. There is nothing better than a handful of women who support you no matter what. I have many acquaintances and friends, but a circle of 4 other women who comprise my tightest circle. No jealousy, no competition- they are truly salt of the earth. All women should have that.

The author of Reviving Ophelia says it's best for a girl to not be very beautiful and not be very ugly but somewhere in between - because it lessens the likelihood that they will be abused and preyed upon. I was like this and looking back it probably did protect me from some bad situations. I know because my daughter is beautiful and predators were more likely to be attracted to her. She would have had an easier adolescence if she had been a nerdy teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once read that the best possible "path" for a woman was to be awkward or unattractive as a child/teenager, because then they learn to develop compassion and humor and sweetness and all the things that people desire. They're not full of themselves because they're the "prettiest" one in 7th grade. They learn to be good people. Later, when they outgrow their awkward stage and fill out and grow and are no longer gawky, but attractive, they are still the kind, humorous and smart people they learned to be when they couldn't rely on their looks. I wish my daughter a long awkward stage. I wish her gawkiness and braces and bushy eyebrows. Because I wish her sweetness and kindness and generosity and compassion, and all the things she might fail to develop if she is convinced that beauty is her most important asset. Let her be beautiful later, after she learns the important stuff. I feel sorry for all of you in this thread who have not found genuine female companionship and support in the world- whether due to your looks or not. There is nothing better than a handful of women who support you no matter what. I have many acquaintances and friends, but a circle of 4 other women who comprise my tightest circle. No jealousy, no competition- they are truly salt of the earth. All women should have that.

The author of Reviving Ophelia says it's best for a girl to not be very beautiful and not be very ugly but somewhere in between - because it lessens the likelihood that they will be abused and preyed upon. I was like this and looking back it probably did protect me from some bad situations. I know because my daughter is beautiful and predators were more likely to be attracted to her. She would have had an easier adolescence if she had been a nerdy teen.

While I can't disagree with this analysis, I am disgusted by the fact that women are prey if they're beautiful. It's a societal flaw which gives men (and some women) power over girls and young women.

My daughter is beautiful. She will never need make up. truth!

I am in the "in between camp." The genes mixed in such a way that she was beautiful as an infant, which is rare. I constantly remind her that beauty is skin deep b/c she constantly - at 7 - receives compliments from everyone. Instead of asking her about her favorite subject, it's always some statement about her looks. So the importance of physical appearance is always reinforced.

I worry that no matter how much we emphasize inner beauty and brains at home it will always come in second to physical beauty.

And when I see how women are depicted in magazines and on television, it's a losing battle - b/c both men AND women don't seem to see how brainwashed society is in regard to how we view girls and young women.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the analysis that it's best to be somewhere in the middle, which I believe most women are. The two absolutely stunning women I know are downright miserable. One of them is my mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the analysis that it's best to be somewhere in the middle, which I believe most women are. The two absolutely stunning women I know are downright miserable. One of them is my mother.

Why are thy miserable?

[Anonymous]

I have several head turning friends who are amazing women and genuine, wonderful friends. They also are extremely well-educated and athletic. They got lucky with the gene pool but what kind of character they have is part good parenting and part their own choices. I admire them! I am attractive but no where near their physical level and it's never been an issue.

[Anonymous]

Clearly happiness has nothing to do with looks. This is like saying "wow, they have a beautiful new house they must be in debt" (everyone I know with a beautiful new house, not us, has it bought and paid for) or "it's a mcmansion" (if you could afford one, would you be using this word? Of course not.) Is it our business to ask them how they paid for it? Of course not. But I digress.

Anyone who says such things clearly sounds completely irrational and bitter. If you have been told you were ugly, you may or may not be gorgeous, you may never know. Maybe whoever told you has ulterior motives. Maybe you are a nice person or smart or successful or whatever. What a novel idea. Any parent who would label their child "the cute one" "the smart one" or whatever - how sane is that? Consider the source.

To categorize shows how desperate people are to label in order to *try* to make themselves feel better. Really, concentrate more on yourself, back off criticizing others or trying to mind their (not your) business and you just might feel beautiful for once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugly duckling here. I disagree somewhat. I once overheard my own Dad tell my mom that it was a good thing that I was smart, because I certainly wasn't going to get by with looks. I was probably 9 at the time. They didn't know I was listening. I wasn't a cute kid and I had a very lengthy and awkward phase. I didn't become attractive until college. I still don't "really" believe anyone who pays me a com

I had a similar experience. I often heard my dod telling my mom that his coworkers would comment on photos of us in his office and that they would always say how pretty the oldest daughter was. No comment was ever made about me. He would mention it a lot to my sister, right in front of me. Combine that with a mom who was obsessed with looks and constantly giving us the message that we were nothing if we weren't pretty... gave me low self-esteem that at age 44 I still battle with. I am judgmental of myself and of others. I hate it and don't want to be like this, but my first thought on seeing anyone is to judge their looks harshly. When I look in the mirror my first thought is always how ugly I am. What I'd really like would be to just not think about it anymore, but the thoughts just pop up.

So of course my first thought about this woman was "her? she's not pretty at all."

[Anonymous]

So average. Kind of funny she wrote the article.

I 'm very plain but "clean up" or rather "make up" well and can look beautiful with the right clothes, hair and makeup. I have good bone structure but nobody will consider me even attractive unmade up. I certainly am not a natural beauty but it can be a lot of fun being able to transform into a "pretty" There is a huge difference in how pretty is treated to not. It's too bad and I certainly feel bad for young women who are not considered "pretty."