The Red Tent Movement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think becoming a woman is a process. Menarche is an important milestone on that path.

If, as women, we had celebrations like this regularly, then the young girls WOULDN'T feel mortified. It would be something they look forward to, like birthdays or Christmas. It would be THEIR special day. It would take some of the "ew gross" stigma out of menstruation. We would be reclaiming our respect for this important natural process.

Look, that said, I hate getting my period. It's a messy pain. But maybe we can begin a cultural change, starting with the girls who will someday be wives and mothers. It won't be any less messy and aggravating, but it also won't seem dirty and shameful if we teach them to embrace it.

As is a young boys first wet dream but men don't have puberty parties with bo scented foods and wet dreamed-themed poems.

Men are not struggling against thousands of years of being told that their bodies are dirty, shameful, unnatural, that bearing children in pain is God's punishment, that women are responsible for evil...

Kind of like affirmative action, men don't need wet dream parties because there are plenty of other ways society encourages and validates their maleness.

I disagree. Men have their own issues to deal with. They are expected to be manly, tough, can't show emotion. They can't embrace much more than being "man". I think it's just as hard to raise a strong boy as it is to raise a strong girl. Schools are geared towards females, society doesn't let boys be "babies", girls can show emotion while boys cannot so please don't act like girls are the only ones who have it so bad because their bodies are dirty and shameful. Boys goes through the same stuff.

And some men are doing their own things to reclaim the "softer" side of their personalities. Men's drumming circles/men's circles where they talk about their feelings....

Men have their own issues to deal with. But as long as God is a man and many people say that Genesis is TRUE, I don't think you can really compare men's problems to women's. When I see men wearing burqus and head scarves, I'll grant you that they have the same sexual/body issues as women. That's really waht we are llaking about here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the recommendation of this board, I am reading the Red Tent. I love the idea of a first menstruation ritual for a daughter. Has anyone done this? What do you think of the idea?

http://mothering.com/health/first-moon-rising-the-making-of-a-menarche-ritual

OP, thanks for sharing this idea. My DD is a toddler so we have some time. Of course, I will follow my DD's lead when the time comes. She may not want to celebrate it but I will definitely suggest it. As far as the "ceremony" described in the link, it seems a little hokey for my taste. But none the less, I would like to celebrate this event in a meaning way that feels right for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom and dad had a ritual for my family. We had three boys and two girls. When we girls started our periods, the entire family (all of us living in the house) would go on a family lunch to somewhere special. My sister got to go to Schenectady NY and I got to go to Ithaca, NY (we were an upstate family) to go shopping at the Commons and have lunch with my family as a way of celebrating. My family honors women and their ability to have children so menstruation is a big milestone in that pathway to becoming a woman. I remember very clearly the day mine started (I was at a political fundraiser with my parents and they were dancing together on the dance floor when I came out of the bathroom. I told my Mom and both of my parents hugged me and then my Dad danced with me, it's a great memory, actually). I think my family's approach was very healthy and helped me accept the process.

Thank you for sharing that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom and dad had a ritual for my family. We had three boys and two girls. When we girls started our periods, the entire family (all of us living in the house) would go on a family lunch to somewhere special. My sister got to go to Schenectady NY and I got to go to Ithaca, NY (we were an upstate family) to go shopping at the Commons and have lunch with my family as a way of celebrating. My family honors women and their ability to have children so menstruation is a big milestone in that pathway to becoming a woman. I remember very clearly the day mine started (I was at a political fundraiser with my parents and they were dancing together on the dance floor when I came out of the bathroom. I told my Mom and both of my parents hugged me and then my Dad danced with me, it's a great memory, actually). I think my family's approach was very healthy and helped me accept the process.

Schenectady made me giggle because I would have thought it was a special place too. Instead, I went roller skating in Amsterdam (NY). It was a real treat because it was the beginning of March and it was shorts weather. The next morning it was cold again and my mom made me a nice cup of hot tea to sooth my cramps.

[Anonymous]

Bumping this up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the recommendation of this board, I am reading the Red Tent. I love the idea of a first menstruation ritual for a daughter. Has anyone done this? What do you think of the idea?

http://mothering.com/health/first-moon-rising-the-making-of-a-menarche-ritual

OP, thanks for sharing this idea. My DD is a toddler so we have some time. Of course, I will follow my DD's lead when the time comes. She may not want to celebrate it but I will definitely suggest it. As far as the "ceremony" described in the link, it seems a little hokey for my taste. But none the less, I would like to celebrate this event in a meaning way that feels right for us.

a party favor
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fVmp0Njt-no/Taos80UpSzI/AAAAAAAAAM4/Jfgxb5qrnp8/s1600/by-astrobhadauria-ramendra-singh-bhadauria.jpg

[csabdalla]

I gotta tell ya...this is pretty freaking OUTSTANDING. I wish I had girls to do this with. It's lovely, it's honest and it translates the power, the beauty and the nature of women.

Do it!!

[csabdalla]

a party favor
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fVmp0Njt-no/Taos80UpSzI/AAAAAAAAAM4/Jfgxb5qrnp8/s1600/by-astrobhadauria-ramendra-singh-bhadauria.jpg

Really? That was unkind and unnecessary, you must have had to really search to find that pic. I had a lousy experience with my first period, unfortunately my mom (probably like most moms) didn't do anything to make it better, and already embarrassing. It really colored the way I saw womanhood and I would not want that for any young girl.

We are in a place and time where we have the freedom to define ourselves and our bodies rather than deny.

[Anonymous]

I agree we need to do better by our daughters than our mothers did by us. I am not so sure a party would do it for me...maybe...but not the whole ceremony thing. But I do think I would want my daughter to know this isn't something dirty or to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. I would give her more information than my mother gave me. I would also teach her how to chart so she would know when to expect her period (though I don't know that they are regular for a while.) Mine always felt so random until I wanted to get pregnant in my late 30's and started charting. Then I realize they're every 26 days!
Who knew?! Also, I wouldn't tell her not to expect it until she's 12. My mom and sisters were 12 and I was 11 so it came very unexpectedly.

[Anonymous]

10 08, you're a pig. I really hope you're a male. Because it would be even sadder if you are a woman.

[csabdalla]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think becoming a woman is a process. Menarche is an important milestone on that path.

If, as women, we had celebrations like this regularly, then the young girls WOULDN'T feel mortified. It would be something they look forward to, like birthdays or Christmas. It would be THEIR special day. It would take some of the "ew gross" stigma out of menstruation. We would be reclaiming our respect for this important natural process.

Look, that said, I hate getting my period. It's a messy pain. But maybe we can begin a cultural change, starting with the girls who will someday be wives and mothers. It won't be any less messy and aggravating, but it also won't seem dirty and shameful if we teach them to embrace it.

As is a young boys first wet dream but men don't have puberty parties with bo scented foods and wet dreamed-themed poems.

Men are not struggling against thousands of years of being told that their bodies are dirty, shameful, unnatural, that bearing children in pain is God's punishment, that women are responsible for evil...

Kind of like affirmative action, men don't need wet dream parties because there are plenty of other ways society encourages and validates their maleness.

I disagree. Men have their own issues to deal with. They are expected to be manly, tough, can't show emotion. They can't embrace much more than being "man". I think it's just as hard to raise a strong boy as it is to raise a strong girl. Schools are geared towards females, society doesn't let boys be "babies", girls can show emotion while boys cannot so please don't act like girls are the only ones who have it so bad because their bodies are dirty and shameful. Boys goes through the same stuff.

And some men are doing their own things to reclaim the "softer" side of their personalities. Men's drumming circles/men's circles where they talk about their feelings....

Men have their own issues to deal with. But as long as God is a man and many people say that Genesis is TRUE, I don't think you can really compare men's problems to women's. When I see men wearing burqus and head scarves, I'll grant you that they have the same sexual/body issues as women. That's really waht we are llaking about here.

You know, I think you are EXTREMELY ignorant of Islam with your prior comment. Stop using Muslim women as your whipping stone any time you want to talk about the subjugation of women. I don't care what you THINK you know based on the media, why don't you actually try TALKING to us to find out IF as a whole, we are really "oppressed". Every Muslimah that I know is a ROCK!! and they ROCK, and they ae kind, generous, funny and RULE with their abayas, galabayas, hijabs and actually I have YET to meet ONE woman with a burka because they are only worn in Afghanistan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10 08, you're a pig. I really hope you're a male. Because it would be even sadder if you are a woman.

nope

female

I think this "ritual" is ridiculous. I got my period at 11 and wasn't the least bit scared, scarred or exuberant. I knew about the change for quite some time so that it just became something normal - like peeing.

What do these celebrations prove? that a tween can have a baby?

big deal

My daughter, who's 7, knows about menstruation - has seen it b/c she's walked in on me. It's no big deal.

similar to a wet dream, ladies - Yet what man will take his son to a ballgame after he hits that milestone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 08, you're a pig. I really hope you're a male. Because it would be even sadder if you are a woman.

nope

female

I think this "ritual" is ridiculous. I got my period at 11 and wasn't the least bit scared, scarred or exuberant. I knew about the change for quite some time so that it just became something normal - like peeing.

What do these celebrations prove? that a tween can have a baby?

big deal

My daughter, who's 7, knows about menstruation - has seen it b/c she's walked in on me. It's no big deal.

similar to a wet dream, ladies - Yet what man will take his son to a ballgame after he hits that milestone?

So do you also find bar and bat mitzvahs to be ridiculous? How about sweet 16 parties?

[Anonymous]

csabdalla wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think becoming a woman is a process. Menarche is an important milestone on that path.

If, as women, we had celebrations like this regularly, then the young girls WOULDN'T feel mortified. It would be something they look forward to, like birthdays or Christmas. It would be THEIR special day. It would take some of the "ew gross" stigma out of menstruation. We would be reclaiming our respect for this important natural process.

Look, that said, I hate getting my period. It's a messy pain. But maybe we can begin a cultural change, starting with the girls who will someday be wives and mothers. It won't be any less messy and aggravating, but it also won't seem dirty and shameful if we teach them to embrace it.

As is a young boys first wet dream but men don't have puberty parties with bo scented foods and wet dreamed-themed poems.

Men are not struggling against thousands of years of being told that their bodies are dirty, shameful, unnatural, that bearing children in pain is God's punishment, that women are responsible for evil...

Kind of like affirmative action, men don't need wet dream parties because there are plenty of other ways society encourages and validates their maleness.

I disagree. Men have their own issues to deal with. They are expected to be manly, tough, can't show emotion. They can't embrace much more than being "man". I think it's just as hard to raise a strong boy as it is to raise a strong girl. Schools are geared towards females, society doesn't let boys be "babies", girls can show emotion while boys cannot so please don't act like girls are the only ones who have it so bad because their bodies are dirty and shameful. Boys goes through the same stuff.

And some men are doing their own things to reclaim the "softer" side of their personalities. Men's drumming circles/men's circles where they talk about their feelings....

Men have their own issues to deal with. But as long as God is a man and many people say that Genesis is TRUE, I don't think you can really compare men's problems to women's. When I see men wearing burqus and head scarves, I'll grant you that they have the same sexual/body issues as women. That's really waht we are llaking about here.

You know, I think you are EXTREMELY ignorant of Islam with your prior comment. Stop using Muslim women as your whipping stone any time you want to talk about the subjugation of women. I don't care what you THINK you know based on the media, why don't you actually try TALKING to us to find out IF as a whole, we are really "oppressed". Every Muslimah that I know is a ROCK!! and they ROCK, and they ae kind, generous, funny and RULE with their abayas, galabayas, hijabs and actually I have YET to meet ONE woman with a burka because they are only worn in Afghanistan.

Not Muslim but grew up in a Muslim country so wanted to reinforce what pp is saying. I have had several muslim women in my life and they have ALL been smart, confident women. Yes, some may be oppressed, but none that I have ever known-and this oppression by males (their husbands) is not something that is unique to Muslim women - see recent "Is my husband mean?" thread. You should educate yourself before making such comments.

[Anonymous]

I do not want to tell my daughter that she is now a woman, at the age of 11 or 12 when she gets her period. We are still children when we start menstruating. Having to learn to deal with a pad doesn't signal it's time to have babies, or move out, or vote, or any of the other real milestones. Life is more complicated than some stupid biology.

I'm hoping that by the time my daughter reaches this age, we'll have a safe and reliable way of turning our periods off. That's what I would have wanted as an 11-year-old.