The Red Tent Movement

[Anonymous]

I truly think this is a lovely idea, as I said earlier in this thread, but I think it is very counterculture too (hence all the negative responses).

It's a rite of passage. I think it deserves to be celebrated. It IS the mark of becoming a woman.

As I said earlier, never something I would do though. I am not sure, if I had a daughter, how I would try to instill a pride of womanhood in her, but I do believe the sentiment is in the right place here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I truly think this is a lovely idea, as I said earlier in this thread, but I think it is very counterculture too (hence all the negative responses).

It's a rite of passage. I think it deserves to be celebrated. It IS the mark of becoming a woman.

As I said earlier, never something I would do though. I am not sure, if I had a daughter, how I would try to instill a pride of womanhood in her, but I do believe the sentiment is in the right place here.

why is this the mark of becoming a woman? because you can have babies now? i don't know that i consider a 13 year old a woman. being a woman is much more than just some biological moment. i would like my daughter to know that.

and i will never, ever do this to my daughter. yikes. countercultural indeed.

[Anonymous]

You really don't understand why it is the mark of becoming a woman? In some places, that is old enough to have babies. I know that is not palatable to you, but it is true.

But maybe if we had more recognition of the rite, our kids would have greater respect for what comes after (sex, babies, marriage). And we'd be more open about all of it.

I am sure this all sounds backward to you, and perhaps it is. Just musing on it.

[Anonymous]

Reaching sexual maturity does not a woman make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really don't understand why it is the mark of becoming a woman? In some places, that is old enough to have babies. I know that is not palatable to you, but it is true.

But maybe if we had more recognition of the rite, our kids would have greater respect for what comes after (sex, babies, marriage). And we'd be more open about all of it.

I am sure this all sounds backward to you, and perhaps it is. Just musing on it.

I wouldn't say I think it sounds "backward" but I would say i don't like the idea of handing the title of woman to my daughter without her earning it. this isn't a judgment. I just think that for me i want my daughter's emotional and social maturity to be a mark of her gradual movement into womanhood. and i disagree that telling my child she's a woman when she gets her period will increase her respect for sex/babies/and marriage. i would be afraid that her thinking she's a woman now means she will also think she's an adult and able to make adult decisions like having sex. i don't know if the two things are linked at all, of course - none of us do (or we would have solved this teen pregnancy problem). these are just my humble thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reaching sexual maturity does not a woman make.

amen.

[Anonymous]

No, it doesn't.

I am not really sure how much social recognition makes a difference in these things - it would be cool to study anthropology and see - but I do know that within about 3 years of having my first period, I was having sex.

And before I had it, I was devouring every book I could about sexuality (when I could sneak it at the public library). I really would have liked someone to talk to me about it more and recognize the changes that were going on.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want to do it, nor would my daughter. Really bizarre.

[Anonymous]

I think this is 100 percent down to knowing your daughter. How will she likely react? And be SURE you know before you go here.

I would have literally considered killing myself if someone had done this to me as a child. I spent so much time privately worrying and obsessing about my period, wondering when it would come, etc, and I was very concerned about making it look like a big deal in any way. I just wanted it to be normal, part of life, and something I didn't have to focus on, worry about, or anything else and that would absolutely include "celebrating." I was also one of the last of my friends to get it and I felt weird pressure already, like everyone knew I didn't have it yet. I would NEVER EVER have considered inviting my friends. Heck, I probably told them I'd gotten it already! If I hadn't experienced the opposite with my little sister. She was visiting me (staying for the weekend) and came out from the bathroom said she'd thought she'd started her period. I walked to a CVS and got a box of pads, (I only had tampons, which I told her she could try if she wanted) and asked her if she had any questions but made it like NO big deal at all. Later that night she burst into tears and was like "I became a woman and you just acted like it was no big deal!" It was funny and sad at the same time. I told her stories about my period, and how different I'd felt about it, and we bonded over the experience.

So, anyway, tread carefully mom. You may think you know which kid is intensely private and which kid wants a red party (or at least a dinner out with mom and sisters or something) but you may not know for sure so it's best to ask first. I honestly think I would have suffered psychological damage from a red party.

And btw, I'm super crunchy.

[Anonymous]

I think it's nice to celebrate this milestone; maybe with a hug. I don't think I could keep a straight face if I was invited to a menses party where everyone wears menses-colored clothes and eats menses-colored foods.

[Anonymous]

Then do something nice for your daughter that she would appreciate. Noone is saying you have to have a full on wiccan/pagan ritual like this woman and her daughter. If you read it, you'll note she asked her daughter FIRST before planning the whole thing to see if it was something that SHE wanted to do. But IMO it IS a nice gesture to acknowledge it and might go a long way towards the problem we all seem to have with our bodies and their functions.

No menarche does not signify a mature woman, and yet it does signify that a girl is no longer a little child.

[Anonymous]

Also 20.23, you have my sympathies. I remember how embarrassed I was when my mom presented me with a sample box full of Always products; I can't imagine how I'd feel if she'd dragged me to a bunch of stores for a freaking history of pads lesson. I guess it was better than my dad's talk about sex with me (which was keep your legs closed).

I think it would have been nice if she'd actually sat me down and talked to me about things.

[Anonymous]

I never did finish the book. It was so very poorly written and I couldn't read it all the way through.

I know several people who are involved in Red Tent and have given their daughters nice pieces of jewelry with garnets, rubies, or other red stones. All of them were tasteful, not tacky, not obvious, and not given in any type of ceremony. They were just given as a gift and it was left at that. Girls can be quite embarrassed about that stuff and the moms understood that.

I have been to a Red Tent myself. I loved it and I loved spending time and sharing my inner most thoughts without fear of judgment. I was able to work out so many many things during the Red Tent that I wasn't able to work out on my own and none of these woman gave advice. Once I said, what I was afraid to admit, I was able to see it all so clearly.

[Anonymous]

Consider the source: mothering.com

I think a day off from school to avoid any potential embarrassment (I remember mine ended up being really heavy and I tried to call my mom from the nurses office and she wasn't home so my aunt came and got me) or discomfort, and some ice cream is adequate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also 20.23, you have my sympathies. I remember how embarrassed I was when my mom presented me with a sample box full of Always products; I can't imagine how I'd feel if she'd dragged me to a bunch of stores for a freaking history of pads lesson. I guess it was better than my dad's talk about sex with me (which was keep your legs closed).

I think it would have been nice if she'd actually sat me down and talked to me about things.

You are my sister. My father always said, "Keep your pants on!" He loved to do it as I was walking out for a date.

I remember my first period because my mother took me to ACE Hardware (can you tell I grew up in a small town) and bought me the whole belt/pad combo. It was mortifying and horrific. I am positive that there were stick on pads at that time but I have no idea what the hell she was thinking.

I personally didn't find it a celebratory occasion. I am sure there is something between the Red Tent party and ACE Hardware that I will do with my daughter's. If only take them to Dairy Queen and counsel them about not wearing white pants within a week of your expected period because wearing of white pants always makes it come early.