39F: Wish List for a Husband
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
Wanting kids at 39 is going to be tough. |
Anonymous
|
Your list is fine except one thing. Most men will not take you seriously because you are on the older side for having kids.
Prepare to be disappointed. |
Anonymous
| Live your life in peace, advance your career and explore the world. You don't need to run after toddlers while dealing with perimenopause. |
Anonymous
| Can you elaborate on your looks? Are you white? Blonde? Blue/Green/Hazel eyes? You might be able to find a sperm donor / co-parent if someone is attracted to you enough. |
Anonymous
| This man in your age bracket is likely still married, or there is something that make him not marriage material. You may have to look at the 45+ yo divorced men |
Anonymous
| Op, What happened to the 49 y/o military guy that you were dating? She posts weekly about this. |
Anonymous
| You need to let go of income. You have a biological clock that is ticking loud. Freeze your eggs. |
Anonymous
|
I think the problem with women around age 40 is that they feel they look and are still young. Most men will want a younger version of you.
DH has a friend who married a divorcee. I want to say she was 35 when he was 25. They had 2 kids. We thought the 35yo was ancient and old back then. |
Anonymous
This advice is just ridiculous! Did you even read OP’s post ? Don’t settle OP. The right man is out there. Just be patient and wait for the right man to appear in your life. |
Anonymous
Yeah, they grow own trees. Just go pick one. |
Anonymous
|
If i was single and on the market i would RUN from this posting, and I fit just about all the criteria. I would never date someone that expects me to make $200k. i make $250k and would want someone who would stay with me if I lost my job/career. Some of the other criteria like having ambition....I have some, but I feel like I would be judged too much by my partner. No thanks.
|
Anonymous
Here’s your answer OP. These are the guys who are single at 40, for obvious reasons. Have kids on your own. If you’re a good earner and family is nearby it’s fairly easy and will be a joy. Raise your baby/babies. Find a relationship in 8-10 years. I did all of the above and life is happy and peaceful. |
Anonymous
| I disagree that men like this “grow on trees” for women at the end of their fertile years. I guess I’m in the minority. Most men like this are already married and already fathers. If they aren’t, they are probably quirky or a workaholic or enmeshed with family or something. |
Anonymous
|
Its not even about what you deserve its about actually finding such a person who is phenomenally rare and then they have to like you back!
You find one and he's into asian girls or he's jewish or is Indian and wants (or got told) an Indian bride. You are too old to be so restrictive, have a kid on your own if its super important to you. |
Anonymous
|
Here’s my 2 cents (which between inflation and the discontinuation of the penny is what this advice is worth):
I don’t think people should look for marriage. I think you should live your best life, and in doing so you’re likely to connect with people who have similar interests. This is an excellent way to start a friendship, and there is always the possibility that a friendship could develop into something more romantic. You certainly don’t want to marry someone who isn’t also a friend. In the meantime, you’ve done what you’ve wanted and hopefully made some great friends. Every relationship requires compromise. Hopefully, in a marriage, your partner brings you enough benefits to outweigh the negatives, but there is always an opportunity cost. Even a good marriage has ups and downs, but a bad marriage may reach depths you’ve yet to imagine and you may struggle to gind your way up. When single, you don’t have to compromise, and your happiness is dependent on you. When you marry, there will inevitably be some things you have to sacrifice. Being single may be lonely sometimes, but it is infinitely better than being lonely in a marriage. As for kids, you don’t want to have them with someone who you aren’t 100% convinced will be both the love of your life AND a good father. While there are no guarantees, you want to give a child the happiest and most stable home you can. As a parent, it is your job to benefit them, not vice versa. Moreover, parenting is HARD. It can strain time, energy, finances, and patience, and things that seemed minor differences between 2 adults can turn into major differences when it comes to raising your child. If having children in your life is important, but you haven’t found the right man yet, you can explore options like: adoption, becoming a foster parent, sperm donor, volunteering as a Big Sister, etc. The actual conception of the child is in many ways the least significant part of parenting. |