Missing Move-In Weekend: How Bad?

[Anonymous]

I think every work colleague with kids would understand. We had a great move in day. Went to the bookstore and bought swag. Made a Target run. And it was fun to have dinner together and say goodbye.

And I held it together and only cried a little on the way home.

[Anonymous]

Having both spouses - and the younger children - attend move-in just does not work for plenty of people, especially if you are flying to the college (airfare x 4 plus two hotel rooms instead of airfare x2 plus one hotel room). How big of a deal move-in is will be in the eye of the beholder. BDTD 4x, well one I sent dad instead of myself, with no regrets.

Also, two spouses plus younger kids = too many people in the dorm room.

I highly suggest that if there's a choice, choose the earliest move in slot, even the 8 am one, over your freshman's objections LOL. It's so much easier to move in early in the morning when fewer people are around.

This is more a right-of-passage for a first-time college freshman mom than for the student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No big deal. It’s always crowded and chaotic, especially with roommates, and as long as one parent is there your DC will be fine. Remember, after their stuff is moved in and the bed is made up, it’s not unusual for kids to want their parents to head out anyway so they can start exploring and meeting people. There are lots of international students who do the whole move-in solo. Just plan on a follow up visit for parents weekend or sometime after they get settled in. It’s different than when we went off to school, now anything that’s missing for their room can be ordered off Amazon so their dorm room doesn’t need to be “perfect” right when they arrive. And don’t feel guilty about missing it- your job is what’s allowing them this opportunity to go off to college, and they will understand that.

+1. If your spouse is there, you kid will be fine. You’ve been parent for 18 years-it’s ok that you miss it if you have to.

[Anonymous]

Is there a chance your child can sign up for a program so that move in is a week earlier?
Example - some schools have international ambassadors and students who sign up for this move in a week early with international students.
Other schools have service week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No big deal, and no reason for both parents to be there.

I would agree— plus your kid will be in college and you will still have your work.

[Anonymous]

Not a chance I would miss move in weekend for work.
The whole family moved in our eldest and it was a very special weekend. Core memory. Don’t miss it.

[Anonymous]

I’d ask to see if you can get out of the work commitment but if not, it’s fine. Work is paying the bill so I wouldn’t mess with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may have a work conflict. I don't want to miss the big weekend but this might be difficult to change. How bad is it to miss freshman move-in? Ok to arrive the Monday-Tuesday after? Spouse would be able to go.

My spouse and I both brought our son to school because that was a lot of fun for all of us.

But my hazy recollection is that my mom drove me to school without my dad being there, and that my roommate also had just one parent present.

I don’t think I ever once was angry at my workaholic father for not coming to something; I was really grateful that he made enough money to pay for me going to the college of my choice. Any conflicts I had with my dad were due to our mutual undiagnosed autism spectrum issues, not to his missing things.

I also think that the college worship people have here can be an example unhealthy neurodivergent tendencies causing preventable problems.

I loved going to college. My college gave me the chance to have a good life. But there’s really no such thing as a dream school or a dream college experience; the experience is what the kid makes of it. And, if the college years are the best years of a kid’s life, the college may not be preparing the kid very well for life.

So, acting as if the college drop-off day is the same as the kid’s christening, bar mitzvah or wedding does not seem great. It turns the start of college into a sacred occasion, and that seems unhelpful.

What if the kid hates the college, or flunks out, or can’t afford to stay at the same college? Does that mean the kid violated a sacred vow?

So, I don’t think there’s any reason at all to do anything that could threaten your job in this awful economy the sake of an ordinary college move-in. If anything, buying into the belief that you should do that seems as if it could do more harm than good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get your priorities straight, OP. Work can wait. Your kid is moving into college for the first time!

I hope this is a joke.

College move in is not a significant life event. Plus they'll move in and out so often if on campus, you'll quickly be sick of it. And for sure they don't need two helicopters along for the weekend. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get your priorities straight, OP. Work can wait. Your kid is moving into college for the first time!

Said the person without a serious career.

[Anonymous]

I missed my DC's freshman move-in because it was also our younger child's first week of high school. Spouse and I couldn't both be out of town, so one went to college with DC1 and the other (me) stayed home with DC2.

Of course I was sad to miss it. But it all worked out fine. I went out for a weekend the next month and it was really nice to see DC settled in.

[Anonymous]

When I moved my DC in freshman year, we flew. But roommate drove - only roommate's mom was there. It never came up as to why the other parent wasn't there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get your priorities straight, OP. Work can wait. Your kid is moving into college for the first time!

Said the person without a serious career.

Not sure that’s the flex you think it is. Most people with a ‘serious career’ at this stage in life have enough seniority that they control their own schedules, esp six months ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

Can your spouse go? If so, don't sweat it.
And if not, ask your kid. One of my kids wanted to move in independently (more typical at his college). It was fine. We visited later.

[Anonymous]

Plenty of kids do this on their own. If your kid is fine with it, let them.