Missing Move-In Weekend: How Bad?

[Anonymous]

What is the work conflict? It would have to be a crazy serious one.

[Anonymous]

Go or don't go, but don't go after the weekend.

I would be upset to miss it and my child would be disappointed too, but if it's a career-changing obligation, you have to make choices.

[Anonymous]

Divorced parent here. One parent can go for move-in and the other parent can go for move-out? If OP can do it, maybe OP can visit a few weeks after move-in or go for Parents weekend. Families have a lot of different things going on- it doesn’t always work out for both parents to be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go or don't go, but don't go after the weekend.

I would be upset to miss it and my child would be disappointed too, but if it's a career-changing obligation, you have to make choices.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course go if you can, but if you absolutely cannot, it’s fine to send your dc with your dh alone. Going is much more for you than them. You can’t have dc arrive late just so you can be there.

This is what we did when nI had to miss move in with DC1 because DC2 started l year of HS the same day. Obviously there was nothing we could do about that other than divide and conquer. It was fine…for both kids (DC2 is a college freshman now), move in was a short 3-4 hour window after which we said goodbye and students started orientation activities. I made up for it by going on a solo visit to see DC1 about 6 weeks later and we had a great time without the stress of move in!

[Anonymous]

My parents took a divide and conquer approach to these moves- only one parent went to each of ours. And we are fine. Go to some other event.

[Anonymous]

You need to go.

From an emotional perspective, it will be good for you, your husband and your kid.

From a logistical perspective, sometimes it's far easier to have one person stay with/move the car while the others hump stuff from the curb to the room, or to move the car while the setting up continues. (And on a day when emotions and stress levels are running high, anything that makes things far easier is priceless.)

It's also really, really helpful to see your kid in their new habitat so you can imagine them in their dorm, with their roommates, at various places on campus. Sure, you saw a lot of that stuff on your tour, but it's different when they're actually *there*.

[Anonymous]

We always have one parent staying home with the younger kids. I don't think both of us parents ever attended anything at a college together except for graduation.

I agree with the PP above that it depends on the kid. Ask them which parent they want at move in.

I have not been to all my kids' move ins (big family). It's not the end of the world. The parent who doesn't go for move-in may want to go for parent weekend or just pop by for a quick visit (yes, even if it's a plane flight) some time in early to mid fall. Parent weekend is often just 4-8 weeks after move in.

I (mom) typically do the bulk of helping with the organizing/shopping - and all of my kids are a plane fight away - but the more minimalist kids are fine with dad at move in, especially if he ends up driving the long distance and I can pack the car with whatever I want (vs the four target runs on location following flights).

[Anonymous]

I agree that if you can find a way you should. Mostly for you..but a little for them. Don’t go afterwards. It’s not the end of the world if you can not go.
We did take most of our younger kids and they were fun helpers. One had to stay with a friend because he had high school band camp.

Book a room for parent’s weekend now and be sure to go to that.

[Anonymous]

We both went with my daughter and I can't imagine missing it, at least freshman year. From a logistical standpoint, having more people to haul stuff in was helpful. I assembled the nightstand while my husband and daughter worked on unpacking & tech issues. The bed lofting was more than a 2 person job. I can't speak for the whole hall, but there were both parents with all the kids around her room. Your kid has to schedule the move in at a different time than their roommate, though, b/c no way woud 6 people fit in there suring move-in.

From an emotional standpoint, it was a significant milestone and we all wanted to be there. It was her first time living away from home. She would have been really upset if one of us hadn't been there. It was a little tough on her, but by the time we visited for parents weekend just a short time later, she was completely acclimated.

I would not go 2 days later. Once moved in, they need to start building their home away from home life and parents get in the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course go if you can, but if you absolutely cannot, it’s fine to send your dc with your dh alone. Going is much more for you than them. You can’t have dc arrive late just so you can be there.

This is what we did when nI had to miss move in with DC1 because DC2 started l year of HS the same day. Obviously there was nothing we could do about that other than divide and conquer. It was fine…for both kids (DC2 is a college freshman now), move in was a short 3-4 hour window after which we said goodbye and students started orientation activities. I made up for it by going on a solo visit to see DC1 about 6 weeks later and we had a great time without the stress of move in!

Missing it for a family reason is very different than missing it for work. What are your priorities, OP?

[Anonymous]

I have moved my 2 sons in every year. Exh has never been there.

[Anonymous]

Agree with all that this is something to to prioritize for freshman year if at all possible. For later years, it’s ok for it to be one parent.

[Anonymous]

Go if you can make it work, it’s a family right of passage. I still feel sad decades later for my high school friend who flew to move in with me and my parents because hers didn’t make themselves available. Like me she had divorced and remarried parents so either set could have gone but didn’t. Who made her bed and helped her decorate? I think my family was busy helping me because it’s such a short window before they encourage parents to leave. Anyhow, the point is these are core memories and part of the process of this big family life stage shift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may have a work conflict. I don't want to miss the big weekend but this might be difficult to change. How bad is it to miss freshman move-in? Ok to arrive the Monday-Tuesday after? Spouse would be able to go.

Is this for out of state? I don’t know why this has become such a big deal. My roommate and I decided to move ourselves in. All the parents were really just in the way. We said our goodbyes at home. It isn’t like you won’t see them again. Go see them on a random weekend after they’ve settled in a bit. If they are closer, spend an afternoon with them have dinner th scaddtle.