In laws offered to pay for private. Crazy to turn them down?

[Anonymous]

If you are happy with your school now, maybe put the money for a future downpayment for a house/dept.?

[Anonymous]

Politely decline saying you will revisit later. This is a private school board in an area with expensive school tuition — so a ton of people are going to say it is really dumb to say no. But are there going to be small (or large) strings attached to the money? Are you ever years from now going to be worried about being on the hook for private school tuition contract if a check does not arrive? Your spouse have good insight into these questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are willing (and easily able) to pay for private for our kids. They made the same offer to all school-aged grandchildren and our SIL/BIL took them up on it. But I think we want to turn them down. Our first is in 3rd grade in a Whitman cluster elementary and our second is still in preschool. We like our current school, our future schools, and DCs little group of friends. Both DH and I went to public high schools. Kids don't seem to have any special learning or social needs that would make private an obvious advantage. I know privates are "better", but we are happy where we are. Thanks in part to both sets of grandparents and our personal contributions, 529s have enough money in them to cover four year private college plus grad school so we don't need to direct the offer to other types of educational assistance. Is it short sighted to say thanks but no thanks to the private school offer?

What is best for your kid would be my answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are willing (and easily able) to pay for private for our kids. They made the same offer to all school-aged grandchildren and our SIL/BIL took them up on it. But I think we want to turn them down. Our first is in 3rd grade in a Whitman cluster elementary and our second is still in preschool. We like our current school, our future schools, and DCs little group of friends. Both DH and I went to public high schools. Kids don't seem to have any special learning or social needs that would make private an obvious advantage. I know privates are "better", but we are happy where we are. Thanks in part to both sets of grandparents and our personal contributions, 529s have enough money in them to cover four year private college plus grad school so we don't need to direct the offer to other types of educational assistance. Is it short sighted to say thanks but no thanks to the private school offer?

Don’t ever go to an open house for a private school. You can unsee it. IYKYK.

I'm not sure what you mean but we thought our public school was good until we went to a few selective private school open houses and now we are spending almost 6 figures per year for our 2 kids in middle school. The differences are stark and hard to un see.

Exactly my point. Yes, some folks will lose the ability for second homes or massive multi-week annual vacations, but your children’s growth makes it all worth it. I came from public education thinking it was amazing. It was good. But nothing like private or parochial.

I’ll be blunt: If you get the opportunity to get it for free and say no, you are a fool.

This is ridiculous. Every kid is different, and many will thrive in a large, excellent public school like Whitman.

You have no idea what you are comparing that to. Many kids are resilient enough to survive Whitman and navigate the broken system enough that they manage to get to a great college, but why would you put your child through that when they could be in a school that is built for strong students to excel? And what about their high school peer group? How much time do you want your kid to spend with the lowest tier of kids who would never be in a top private school?

This is exactly why you should keep your happy and well adjusted kids in the public they are thriving at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound very naive to me OP. If someone else is willing to offer your kids a better opportunity than you had, take it. Your kids will be just numbers in public school.

My kid is at top public. I would not trade it for free Big 3.

[Anonymous]

Take the rain check.

[Anonymous]

We did this and there are pros and cons.

Pros:
1. Kids get great education.
2. Great facilities and strong learning support

Cons:
1. Your family gets thrown in with folks who have huge amounts of discretionary spending, big houses, big jets.

2. Your kids' GPA will not likely be as strong as it would be at public school.

3. Sacrifice neighborhood connections.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the feedback! 529s have plenty of money in them - were super funded by both sets of grandparents as well as DH and I when both kids were born (believe the superfund max was like 74k then so each one was started with that amount times 3), so not anticipating we will need any additional in there with interest.

In-laws already do cash gifts to us up to the max.

We don’t plan on closing the door forever as our needs may change for sure! Honestly maybe I should post this in the relationship forum as DH is the one definitely not interested. His parents were successful with public school education and “good” colleges, he and I are successful with public school education and “good” colleges, thinks our kids will be just fine. He is worried about them being exposed to all the privilege and worries about entitlement, but honestly they are pretty privileged kids already with a beach home, multiple vacations, travel sports, etc. Not sure school would be the thing keeping them humble, that is on DH and us…

Thanks for all the feedback. Enjoy the snow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you and DH both went to public, and you have no private school experience, you don't necessary know what you are missing. Do you volunteer at the public school and keep abreast of curriculum updates and classroom happenings? I didn't switch to private until I became really involved in our "excellent public" and saw how the sausage is made.

+1

The most involved parents at our supposedly “top” public in FCPS (it was a 10 rated elementary on GreatSchools zoned for McLean HS) were the quickest to move their kids to private once the shit hit the fan during Covid.

[Anonymous]

We have been in both public and private schools in the DMV, with plenty of privileged, entitled students in both settings. If public is working for your child, keep them there. Should you reach a fork in the road where your child/ren wants or needs something else, readdress. Your situation may change!-- or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did this and there are pros and cons.

Pros:
1. Kids get great education.
2. Great facilities and strong learning support

Cons:
1. Your family gets thrown in with folks who have huge amounts of discretionary spending, big houses, big jets.

2. Your kids' GPA will not likely be as strong as it would be at public school.

3. Sacrifice neighborhood connections.

Having had kids in both and friends whose kids are only in public or only private, I agree with this. Great summary

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound very naive to me OP. If someone else is willing to offer your kids a better opportunity than you had, take it. Your kids will be just numbers in public school.

My kid is at top public. I would not trade it for free Big 3.

I can think of only a few reasons public school boosters would be on this forum. Jealousy, self-doubt, and anxiety top the list.

[Anonymous]

YES - take the $$$$

[Anonymous]

We were fine in the Whitman cluster, until we were not. It became very clear that the large class size was going to be disaster for our kid. You know when you know, and nice to have the option....

[Anonymous]

TAKE IT. Do private for middle and high school.