In laws offered to pay for private. Crazy to turn them down?

[Anonymous]

My in-laws are willing (and easily able) to pay for private for our kids. They made the same offer to all school-aged grandchildren and our SIL/BIL took them up on it. But I think we want to turn them down. Our first is in 3rd grade in a Whitman cluster elementary and our second is still in preschool. We like our current school, our future schools, and DCs little group of friends. Both DH and I went to public high schools. Kids don't seem to have any special learning or social needs that would make private an obvious advantage. I know privates are "better", but we are happy where we are. Thanks in part to both sets of grandparents and our personal contributions, 529s have enough money in them to cover four year private college plus grad school so we don't need to direct the offer to other types of educational assistance. Is it short sighted to say thanks but no thanks to the private school offer?

[Anonymous]

You ask that the money be added to the college fund. Win-win.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that private is always better, especially in the cluster you are in. If you decide to decline and later decide that private is the better option, is the offer still there? I think at the age of your children, it's too early to force yourself into a decision that you don't need to make right now. I would rather them offer to pay for preschool/summer camp at this point.

[Anonymous]

Ask them to set it aside in case you change your mind (and for college if you don't change your mind).

We were very happy in public until we weren't, and kids develop needs as they grow that you can't foresee. Which is not to say private is better in all cases! But schools and kids and communities all change. Or in 5 years you might live in a different state with different options.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Offer is likely still there if we change our mind later, barring of course something horrible like them passing away. They want to decrease their taxable estate so would be happy if we took them up on this at any point, I am guessing. I can ask about camp, good idea!

Can also encourage them to add to the college fund, but they have already done that and not sure we need anymore. 9 year old already has over 300k in the account and with interest and the annual contributions DH and I put in, I am guessing we won't need anymore.

[Anonymous]

A friend,who is in the BCC cluster had a parent offer to pay for private school. They turned it down for elementary and middle school but then one kid went to boarding school and the other 2 to local private schools for high school so things can change (and the parent paid). If public school is currently working well then no need to change now.

We are in the Whitman district as well, and DC went to private k-8 and then Whitman for HS. We were really pleased with Whitman and actually wish we had switched DC to public earlier. It was also nice to have neighborhood friends, which DC didn't have from the private school. Private isn't necessarily always better for every kid.

[Anonymous]

Why does it have to be for school? Why can't they just write checks to all grand-children and be done with it.
Why are they so involved in your life anyway and with money?
You have your own money and your kids will be fine too. They can hand down the money some other way without telling you how to use it.

[Anonymous]

I like the idea of using the money to pay for education camps and maybe sports if you can use 529 funds for that, Idk.

[Anonymous]

You are so lucky!!if I were you, I would tour a few private schools if you haven’t already and then make a decision. We started PK in public and while it was “fine”, we were suggested to tour a private school by a friend with older kids. We did and all of our kids are in private as a result.

For you it is free! That is amazing

[Anonymous]

I think it makes sense to turn them down, at least for now, given the circumstances you describe.

Private school over many years for multiple kids adds up to a lot of money. If I were you I'd wonder (not that it is really any of your business) if your in-laws will even out what their other kids families got relative to yours, in their estate planning.

[Anonymous]

My parents have been paying for our kids' private school for a decade now, we are also in the Whitman cluster. At first it was a luxury and then when my kids attended school in person throughout covid it was such a huge advantage.

You should really think about touring some local privates to see what you're missing, if you don't like them that's great and you should stay in public but at least learn more about what you're turning down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does it have to be for school? Why can't they just write checks to all grand-children and be done with it.
Why are they so involved in your life anyway and with money?
You have your own money and your kids will be fine too. They can hand down the money some other way without telling you how to use it.

Gifting money to family members for school is a way to reduce your taxable estate above and beyond the annual IRS gift limits. So you can give relatives x amount annually in cash and then ALSO pay for education. So paying for school is a way for them to give grandchildren more without the IRS taking a cut, essentially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it makes sense to turn them down, at least for now, given the circumstances you describe.

Private school over many years for multiple kids adds up to a lot of money. If I were you I'd wonder (not that it is really any of your business) if your in-laws will even out what their other kids families got relative to yours, in their estate planning.

Since they are (contemplating) turning the money down, I don't know that the grandparents will even remember, or they might think they had their chance given that this appears to be reducing their estate.

That said, my sister asked for a downpayment for an expensive house. Our parents gave it to her, then put the same amount of money in an account for me. It sat there until they died. (Had no idea it was there until they passed. Specific instructions that the account was mine, not to be divided with sister.)

[Anonymous]

Take it. Middle and high in public are a joke

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it makes sense to turn them down, at least for now, given the circumstances you describe.

Private school over many years for multiple kids adds up to a lot of money. If I were you I'd wonder (not that it is really any of your business) if your in-laws will even out what their other kids families got relative to yours, in their estate planning.

Since they are (contemplating) turning the money down, I don't know that the grandparents will even remember, or they might think they had their chance given that this appears to be reducing their estate.

That said, my sister asked for a downpayment for an expensive house. Our parents gave it to her, then put the same amount of money in an account for me. It sat there until they died. (Had no idea it was there until they passed. Specific instructions that the account was mine, not to be divided with sister.)

This. The money may not be there later, despite best intentions. If it's possible to accept it and put it in savings for a rainy day (possibly including elder care!), do that.

I regret turning down a large gift because my sibling needed it more - I would have been happy for sibling to receive twice as much, but what happened was sibling got the original amount and parents bought an unnecessary third car with the equivalent amount I turned down. Take the money when it's offered.