Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?

[Anonymous]

Our DD is getting married next summer. We are paying for the wedding, which will cost around $250k for over 200 guests. The groom’s family did not offer to contribute, but is hosting a welcome party (and FWIW, the groom is equally involved in all the planning). Our HHI and NW are in the top 1%.

[Anonymous]

They should, but they don't.

In 2026, weddings are planned and dominated by what the bride and occassionally her mother wants.

Rare is the bride that lets her future husband have a significant voice in the wedding planning.

Even rarer is the bride that gives the groom's parents a voice in the wedding planning.

Until brides join this century and give the groom's side equal voice in the wedding planning, the bride's family should be respinsible for the bulk of the wedding cost

Not our experience at all. Please provide support for all these claims - or is this just all opinion and assumptions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DD is getting married next summer. We are paying for the wedding, which will cost around $250k for over 200 guests. The groom’s family did not offer to contribute, but is hosting a welcome party (and FWIW, the groom is equally involved in all the planning). Our HHI and NW are in the top 1%.

$250K weddings are the new $100K weddings. We’re seeing a big split where people either go $250K+ (some over $1M) - or they do the courthouse route.

[Anonymous]

We are pretty wealthy so we will probably pay a big chunk. Whether we pay it all depends on how reasonable the bride and groom are. We are also going to give a large down payment so it going to somewhat be a combo decision. We will see what makes sense at the time. We have two daughters (no sons) so we need to keep it somewhat equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is only 15, and a boy, but if/when he gets married, I work contribute whatever they need if the bride’s parents aren’t paying or we’d do rehearsal/honeymoon. DH and I were able to fund our $100k wedding 20 years ago, and I’d want something at least as nice for them.

You expect the women’s family to pay?! Why? Because it’s tradition? It’s only tradition because historically women didn’t work or receive an education. Now that’s not the case. Don’t continue your sexist way of thinking when the world has changed.

Yeah, team boy mom.

When the bride is willing to relinquish all or half of the decision making to the groom and future mother in law, then your post would make sense.

But weddings are planned almost 100% by the bride, even today, down to the shoes the groom wears, and approval of or guidelines for the dress that the mother in law wears.

A wedding is one of those things where the old adage of if you are going to expect money from someone, then get ready to earn the money in the form of their (often unwelcome) opinions

Unless a bride is willing to let the groom's side be involved in decision-making and planning, then weddings should continue to follow the traditional route of the bride's side paying for it.

Really! Your response is another sexist post. The is 2026 not 1786. Of course the groom’s family should get a voice in the planning and everything else! And you should expect to pay equally for your sons and daughters.

(Well, maybe not you. You will reap what you sow.)

They should, but they don't.

In 2026, weddings are planned and dominated by what the bride and occassionally her mother wants.

Rare is the bride that lets her future husband have a significant voice in the wedding planning.

Even rarer is the bride that gives the groom's parents a voice in the wedding planning.

Until brides join this century and give the groom's side equal voice in the wedding planning, the bride's family should be respinsible for the bulk of the wedding cost.

This isn’t accurate at all and your preconceptions about a bride taking over wedding planning don’t bode well for your future relationship with your son’s future spouse. You will likely end up one of those overbearing and often avoided MILs that everyone complains about on the family relationships board.

My kids will each get $50K to do with as they wish (down payment/wedding) when the time comes. I think DS is 5 years away and DD is 10 years away, so the amounts will be adjusted for inflation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For mine, if they choose to marry it will be on them. I’d gift them a few thousand, but they could use it for whatever they like.

Similar. Probably give them like $10K each, and it will be my gift.

We paid for our wedding ourselves, the parents gifted us photo and video.

1982 hAS CHIMED IN

[Anonymous]

If the alcohol is not charged per person, but per drink and a fewer % of people drink, you can save a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DD is getting married next summer. We are paying for the wedding, which will cost around $250k for over 200 guests. The groom’s family did not offer to contribute, but is hosting a welcome party (and FWIW, the groom is equally involved in all the planning). Our HHI and NW are in the top 1%.

$250K weddings are the new $100K weddings. We’re seeing a big split where people either go $250K+ (some over $1M) - or they do the courthouse route.

I think this is smart. If you are a middle class family, it's silly to waste $50k on a wedding. If PP can afford $250k, then it's probably immaterial to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the alcohol is not charged per person, but per drink and a fewer % of people drink, you can save a lot.

And have a super boring wedding.

[Anonymous]

The young crowd are the big drinkers but they also pre-game. That's on them. As is any after-party. Married couple, in our case, wanted to pay for transportation to keep everybody safe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will give my daughters a gift for them to spend as they see fit. It won’t be enough to pay for the wedding, probably the max fed amount is (19k in 2025). I’ve paid for private education and I’m paying for undergrad and medical/law school. Then they are on their own. I also have some stock and a vacation property in trust for each - profit generating ski condos in CO. That will be with a prenup, so definitely not a gift to the couple, but to my girls. Their spouses will obviously benefit from using them.

A donor owes gift tax only after exceeding the lifetime exemption, which is $13.99 million in 2025 and $15 million in 2026 under the One Big Beautiful Bill Act’s tax savings. Until that point, amounts above the annual exclusion simply reduce the remaining exemption. This structure means that large gifts often have no immediate tax cost as long as the donor’s total lifetime gifting and estate transfers stay under the limit.

https://smartasset.com/estate-planning/gift-tax-explained-2021-exemption-and-rates

Yes, and even if the only concern is having to fill out the gift tracking tax form for that year (Form 709 for those wondering), remember it's also $19k per person, so a couple can give $38k to one person in a calendar year and not have to fill anything out or track anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

They should, but they don't.

In 2026, weddings are planned and dominated by what the bride and occassionally her mother wants.

Rare is the bride that lets her future husband have a significant voice in the wedding planning.

Even rarer is the bride that gives the groom's parents a voice in the wedding planning.

Until brides join this century and give the groom's side equal voice in the wedding planning, the bride's family should be respinsible for the bulk of the wedding cost

Not our experience at all. Please provide support for all these claims - or is this just all opinion and assumptions?

I can see the usual brigade has come out full steam offended. But here's the thing. This is closer to the reality. Most weddings are still planned by the bride and her family. Groom input ranges from nicely involved to turn up on the day in a tuxedo. There are plenty of exceptions including where the couple plans the wedding instead of the parents.

But the majority of weddings are still dominated by the bride and her family. Unless the groom's family is significantly wealthier and in that case they can quite often take over the wedding.

Just ask any experienced weddings planner how the real world operates.

[Anonymous]

We have three kids (2 girls and a boy). We plan to gift them money they can use toward a wedding. Not sure the amount- maybe 40K each? My parents gave us a fixed amount for our wedding, and gave us the balance. That worked well, and we'll do the same.

The only tricky thing is what to do if one of the kids isn't headed to marriage. I would still like to gift them the money, but I have no idea when would be the right time. Maybe marriage or age 30? We have plenty of time, so will see as the kids get older.

[Anonymous]

A parent here of a 32 DD. Couple could have paid, as a stretch, but we wanted to pay most or some. For us, it played out this way. Things that were important to the couple and we as parents didn't value as much so couple paid: a rented bus, flowers above what seemed ordinary to us, extra decorations for the tables, having a much longer photographer session, make-up and hair done onsite by professionals,

Things we, as parents, knew and were not surprised at the cost: the venue was 6K, the meal, alcohol, DJ. Was surprised DD didn't spend much on a dress, <500 at a sample sale online. She was adamant not to spend much and planned to resell. Surprised that Groom bought all of this groomsmen their suits, new suites to keep. Suits were his gift to them.

As the event got closer and parent expenses were clearer, I decided to pay for the hotel for the bridesmaids. Each had flown in w/dates/husband probably taking a day off work. The very last addition to cost was me adding another wine choice. Unnecessary but that was me feeling insecure re: a few wine snobs who would be in attendance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I earmarked $100k for each child (DD and DS). If one of them goes for a smaller wedding, I will probably give them the rest in cash.

My kids are young and $100k seems like an insane amount (although as the time approaches I will hopefully have more money), but this is my general approach. Tell each kid they have a bucket of $XXX and if they want to spend it all on a wedding, have fun. If they want a chunk or most of it as their wedding gift so they can put a down payment on a house, even better. I know what I would prefer. But they will be adults when they get married and adults get to make their own choices and mistakes.