Would you let an old friend stay at your vacation house off season?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of problem did her current house have Op?

Is her mom looking for free housing as well? Anyone else in the “family home”?

Was this her idea or heavily hinted at in an email or call from her?

The idea was heavily hinted in two phone calls.

Before her marriage and divorce, we used to hang out all the time, vacation together, celebrate birthdays, etc. I was also her maid of honor, hosted her bridal shower, etc. we live in different states (easy drive). I used to visit her and she would visit me almost monthly. I forgot about her after Covid because we stopped talking.

You said in your OP that SHE did these things.

And then you FORGOT about her? Troll.

I did not forget about her. My point was that we used to be very close in our teens, twenties and thirties. I got married first and had a baby. Then she got married later. My kids walked in her wedding.

You literally said "I forgot about her."

[Anonymous]

If you decide to, treat her the exact same way you would a tenant. Have an attorney draw up a contract, get a deposit, charge her rent, etc.

There's too much risk. After a certain # of days, she has tenant rights (even if she's not paying) and you won't be able to evict her. She could trash the place and you won't be compensated. You need to make sure everything is covered legally, or you will be in a world of hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My old childhood best friend is currently displaced. She is not working and was living with her mom but the family home had a problem and they all had to move out.

I have a long history with this friend spanning decades. She was my maid of honor, threw me my baby shower and was my BFF until about a decade ago. She got divorced and basically ghosted me for many years. Since Covid, we met up twice. I send her a Christmas card and she may text how much our kids have grown. We bought a beach house last year and I spent a weekend with her there this past summer and that was the first and last time I saw her in 4 years.

Our beach house sits vacant. We don’t rent it out but we’re considering renting it out this summer. We could probably get $1k per night for the house during peak summer months. We have yet to let anyone go there without us.

Has she asked? What if she moves in and doesn’t move out?

They've known each other since childhood and were close until their 30s. OP should be able to make a judgment call on whether this is a real risk. I don't know her friend, but there are no red flags in the post. Now, if her friend is an addict who is spiraling, it's a different story. Or she's a klepto. Or she's messy or disrespectful of other people's property. But if she's trying to put herself back together after a bad divorce, maybe struggling with depression as a result, then yes, absolutely, I would absolutely help a friend in those circumstances. I can't believe how many people wouldn't do this for a best friend. My friends have shown up for me in hard times, too. This is how friendship works. What is all that money for if you can't use it to help out a friend in a crisis? She may be the person sitting by you in 15 years when you are in chemo.

Not working is a red flag. She will never be able to afford to move out unless she gets a job, and what job could she get in an off season beach town?

The whole family losing their housing for a very vague reason is a red flag because it means there will likely be people trying to move in or stay "temporarily". And because helping needy relatives will make it harder for OP's friend to get back on her own feet.

[Anonymous]

I mean, my college roommate and I had been out of touch for years. But I recently reached out and saw her in LA when I went out there. It was wonderful.

I happen to have a beach house and if she called me next week and said her home was destroyed, I would 100% tell her to come stay at our house and work remotely while she figured out what to do. We use it periodically in the winter so she would see us once or twice a month. It is 5 bedrooms so that would not be a problem. She would take care of the home. I would have zero worries about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My old childhood best friend is currently displaced. She is not working and was living with her mom but the family home had a problem and they all had to move out.

I have a long history with this friend spanning decades. She was my maid of honor, threw me my baby shower and was my BFF until about a decade ago. She got divorced and basically ghosted me for many years. Since Covid, we met up twice. I send her a Christmas card and she may text how much our kids have grown. We bought a beach house last year and I spent a weekend with her there this past summer and that was the first and last time I saw her in 4 years.

Our beach house sits vacant. We don’t rent it out but we’re considering renting it out this summer. We could probably get $1k per night for the house during peak summer months. We have yet to let anyone go there without us.

Don't do it. You'll never be able to get rid of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of problem did her current house have Op?

Is her mom looking for free housing as well? Anyone else in the “family home”?

Was this her idea or heavily hinted at in an email or call from her?

The idea was heavily hinted in two phone calls.

Before her marriage and divorce, we used to hang out all the time, vacation together, celebrate birthdays, etc. I was also her maid of honor, hosted her bridal shower, etc. we live in different states (easy drive). I used to visit her and she would visit me almost monthly. I forgot about her after Covid because we stopped talking.

You said in your OP that SHE did these things.

And then you FORGOT about her? Troll.

I did not forget about her. My point was that we used to be very close in our teens, twenties and thirties. I got married first and had a baby. Then she got married later. My kids walked in her wedding.

You literally said "I forgot about her."

Ok yes, she was out of my mind after covid because we didn’t talk for like five years.

I thought someone was questioning that I was her MOH and hosted her bridal shower. I got married 20 years ago and she got married 14 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. What happens when you want to use it and she’s still displaced?

This would be my only concern. If there are still issues with her place come summertime, are you going to kick her out? Would shy refuse to leave?

Otherwise, I'd be inclined to let her stay. I understand that is a minority position on DCUM, but I generally try to help people if I can. Crazy, I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you decide to, treat her the exact same way you would a tenant. Have an attorney draw up a contract, get a deposit, charge her rent, etc.

There's too much risk. After a certain # of days, she has tenant rights (even if she's not paying) and you won't be able to evict her. She could trash the place and you won't be compensated. You need to make sure everything is covered legally, or you will be in a world of hurt.

NP, and this is what I was going to say. Everything in writing with a start date and end date, all expectations of cleanliness/ maintenance, who covers what expenses, etc. Everything.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Squatter potential.

[Anonymous]

Such a surface level profile of this unemployable divorced homeless ghosting friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$1k a night is bizarre. And a brand new house for you guys? What does your spouse think?

I can rent a huge hamptons house for $40k a month in summer and split it 5 ways.

Why is that bizarre? We could rent the house for 10k per week in the summer.

The cost of the potential rental is somewhat irrelevant since we probably won’t rent it. It is more about the relationship of an old friend who I rarely talk to or see.

She likely ghosted and disappeared due to her poverty and feelings about her own poverty

[Anonymous]

No, for many reaons too - she may be using you if she ghosted you, she may not take care of it, whose responsible for the upkeep, taxes, utilities and if she doesn't pay, its hard to evict and then you cannot use it.

[Anonymous]

I would be concerned about being unable to evict. Would they gave tenant rights? It doesn’t sounds like you are friends anymore. I wouldn’t do it in the circumstances you describe. Putting myself in a situation where a family was relying on me for free housing…you are inciting chaos. You do f know her well enough anymore to be certain things won’t go badly.

Now, if it were one of my closest friends that I’ve remained in touch with over the years, I know them through and through and they are like family to me (and I know their families). I would do it in a heartbeat. I can think of 6 people who I’d do anything for.without hesitation. And there is a neighbor I really care about and would feel comfortable hosting. But that’s a special category.

[Anonymous]

*^^ inviting chaos.

[Anonymous]

Did she ask you if she could stay there?