Would you let an old friend stay at your vacation house off season?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can’t tell if OP’s family intends to use the beach house this spring or summer or it’s supposed to be an investment property.

Sounds like neither, just sits there vacant. Interesting. Like a Troll House.

We would likely go in the spring and summer. This past year, we went during spring (extended family spring break), Memorial Day, summer and Labor Day. Have not been back since but will probably go sometime in March or April.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Unless you want to give her a free place to live in perpetuity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My old childhood best friend is currently displaced. She is not working and was living with her mom but the family home had a problem and they all had to move out.

I have a long history with this friend spanning decades. She was my maid of honor, threw me my baby shower and was my BFF until about a decade ago. She got divorced and basically ghosted me for many years. Since Covid, we met up twice. I send her a Christmas card and she may text how much our kids have grown. We bought a beach house last year and I spent a weekend with her there this past summer and that was the first and last time I saw her in 4 years.

Our beach house sits vacant. We don’t rent it out but we’re considering renting it out this summer. We could probably get $1k per night for the house during peak summer months. We have yet to let anyone go there without us.

Has she asked? What if she moves in and doesn’t move out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can’t tell if OP’s family intends to use the beach house this spring or summer or it’s supposed to be an investment property.

Sounds like neither, just sits there vacant. Interesting. Like a Troll House.

We would likely go in the spring and summer. This past year, we went during spring (extended family spring break), Memorial Day, summer and Labor Day. Have not been back since but will probably go sometime in March or April.

Well why can't you just tell her she can stay there until March?

[Anonymous]

No. You'll end up with extra people there, and it'll be very hard to get them out.

I would offer a catch-up phone chat to see if she's actually interested in being friends.

[Anonymous]

This is absurd. It doesn't sound like the friend has asked to stay there, OP clearly doesn't want to let her stay there, and they aren't even very close right now.

It's like OP *wants* the friend to ask to stay there so that OP can hem and haw about it before deciding no, like to get back at the friend for ghosting her during Covid (it honestly seems weird that they haven't discussed that and figured out what happened there because it sounds like the friend went through some kind of life crisis and OP is vaguely unaware/judgmental of it and that's why their friendship floundered).

Anyway, tl;dr: No, do not offer to let her stay in your vacation house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of problem did her current house have Op?

Is her mom looking for free housing as well? Anyone else in the “family home”?

Was this her idea or heavily hinted at in an email or call from her?

The idea was heavily hinted in two phone calls.

Before her marriage and divorce, we used to hang out all the time, vacation together, celebrate birthdays, etc. I was also her maid of honor, hosted her bridal shower, etc. we live in different states (easy drive). I used to visit her and she would visit me almost monthly. I forgot about her after Covid because we stopped talking.

You said in your OP that SHE did these things.

And then you FORGOT about her? Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of problem did her current house have Op?

Is her mom looking for free housing as well? Anyone else in the “family home”?

Was this her idea or heavily hinted at in an email or call from her?

The idea was heavily hinted in two phone calls.

Before her marriage and divorce, we used to hang out all the time, vacation together, celebrate birthdays, etc. I was also her maid of honor, hosted her bridal shower, etc. we live in different states (easy drive). I used to visit her and she would visit me almost monthly. I forgot about her after Covid because we stopped talking.

You said in your OP that SHE did these things.

And then you FORGOT about her? Troll.

I did not forget about her. My point was that we used to be very close in our teens, twenties and thirties. I got married first and had a baby. Then she got married later. My kids walked in her wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would. But that is me and my friend group. In fact, one of my oldest friends let me use their brand-new, never used one bedroom apartment in a resort town for a few months just so I could recharge. Of course, since it was new it didn't have things like glasses, plates, curtains, etc., etc. So I ended up shopping for all that and they got it for free.

But you weren't homeless and had a place to go if/when your friend wanted you to leave. That's a huge difference between what OP's friend is asking.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not.
Her lack of housing is not your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of problem did her current house have Op?

Is her mom looking for free housing as well? Anyone else in the “family home”?

Was this her idea or heavily hinted at in an email or call from her?

The idea was heavily hinted in two phone calls.

Before her marriage and divorce, we used to hang out all the time, vacation together, celebrate birthdays, etc. I was also her maid of honor, hosted her bridal shower, etc. we live in different states (easy drive). I used to visit her and she would visit me almost monthly. I forgot about her after Covid because we stopped talking.

You said in your OP that SHE did these things.

And then you FORGOT about her? Troll.

I did not forget about her. My point was that we used to be very close in our teens, twenties and thirties. I got married first and had a baby. Then she got married later. My kids walked in her wedding.

You do not need to explain yourself here OP. All relationships are nuanced and complex and it is almost impossible to provide strangers the exact details to any friendship dynamic.

Your question is should you let your friend stay at your vacation house? Given your friend's current circumstances, my answer would be an absolute no. You write that your friend does not currently have a job? What is her plan then? So she moves in to your house and .... then what? How will she even afford the basics (food, utilities, etc.) If you go ahead, OP, it will not end well. You know this.

[Anonymous]

No. This was her idea, right? Whether the house is used, being used, available is unimportant.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My old childhood best friend is currently displaced. She is not working and was living with her mom but the family home had a problem and they all had to move out.

I have a long history with this friend spanning decades. She was my maid of honor, threw me my baby shower and was my BFF until about a decade ago. She got divorced and basically ghosted me for many years. Since Covid, we met up twice. I send her a Christmas card and she may text how much our kids have grown. We bought a beach house last year and I spent a weekend with her there this past summer and that was the first and last time I saw her in 4 years.

Our beach house sits vacant. We don’t rent it out but we’re considering renting it out this summer. We could probably get $1k per night for the house during peak summer months. We have yet to let anyone go there without us.

Did she ask or are you considering offering?

[Anonymous]

Oh you are just crazy. No no no.