Husband has Sickle Cell gene and didn't tell me

[Anonymous]

DH baby trapped OP.

[Anonymous]

We all have some genetic predisposition to something. His is something known, yours isn't. Should it determine who you marry and have a child with?

[Anonymous]

So he is a carrier with no complications and you are a eugenicist. Got it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH decided to wait to tell me that he is a carrier of the Sickle Cell gene until AFTER we found out that I'm pregnant (when he has apparently been aware of this since childhood). I am devastated and have been floored since he told me. There is a possibility that the gene could be passed onto our child. Our child won't have full-blown Sickle Cell as both parents have to carry the gene for that to happen, but the point is that I do not want my child to inherit an abnormal gene. I have been doing research and found a case of a child that passed away from complications due to simply having 1 Sickle Cell gene. (https://www.ktnv.com/13-investigates/she-lost-her-baby-then-her-freedom-las-vegas-mother-wrongfully-accused-in-shaken-baby-syndrome-case)

In addition, I'm angry that he withheld this information from me when we were trying to conceive. I feel duped. I'm not sure where to go from here.

Seems over reactive to me. What am I missing. Plenty of people carry the trait and you would need to have it too for the disease to happen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We all have some genetic predisposition to something. His is something known, yours isn't. Should it determine who you marry and have a child with?

This. IP are you hormonal? Seemingly needlessly hysterical. I think calming down and doing some deep breathing is needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a carrier of the trait, as was my mom. My mom told me I was negative so I was totally surprised when I came up positive during my pregnancy labs. This is not a big deal and not worth you getting an amniocentesis over. Your child has a 50 percent chance of being a carrier. One of my kids is, the other isn't. We need to stay well hydrated and listen to our bodies, that is all. Please calm down. And not only black people can have it. This is misinformation.

Not everyone that has sickle cell trait is black, but everyone that has sickle cell trait has a black ancestor. They traced the origin of the gene back to one child that lived in Africa 7,300 years ago.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-43373247

https://www.the-independent.com/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/hidden-black-ancestry-linked-to-rise-in-sickle-cell-blood-disorder-738008.html

This is true. This is how there are people that physically appear to be fully European that have sickle cell trait or disease. The African ancestry decreases with each generation, but the sickle cell allele can keep getting passed down. The ancestry won't always show up on an ancestry DNA test either because those tests only go back 6-8 generations. I was taught that we are to screen every patient regardless of what they self-report their background as or what they physically appear to be for this exact reason. Not every medical professional is aware of this or follows this protocol though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH baby trapped OP.

+1

100%. He didn't tell her because he knew she would have this reaction and not want to move forward with their plan to have a baby.

[Anonymous]

I know a wonderful young man with SCT that was forced to stop running track after exertional sickling caused him to collapse, so I'm going to have to disagree with the previous posters stating that it is "no big deal". Op's spouse not suffering from adverse effects does not mean their kid won't if (s)he ends up with the gene. Everyone is different.

[Anonymous]

I get it. DH has a blood disorder which he said won’t impact my kids since I wasn’t a carrier. Now the kid needs minor surgery and has to see a hemonc to make sure everything is ok. I was also angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a sickle cell carrier lends an advantage - it's protective against malaria (that's why lots of black people have the gene -- the gene helped carriers survive in africa for a long time).

having sickle cell requires two parents, so your children will be fine (and will actually have an advantage).

https://www.reddit.com/r/DebateEvolution/comments/1gfav0r/the_argument_over_sickle_cell/

"For example, in places like the U.S., where malaria is not a problem, the gene that causes sickle cell anemia is strictly disadvantageous."

https://evolution.berkeley.edu/misconceptions-about-natural-selection-and-adaptation/the-bad-gene/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. DH has a blood disorder which he said won’t impact my kids since I wasn’t a carrier. Now the kid needs minor surgery and has to see a hemonc to make sure everything is ok. I was also angry.

It feels unethical to intentionally not tell a partner or downplay the severity of said disorder (which seemed to be what happened in your case). I don't care about all of this eugenics talk. Everyone should be able to decide for themselves if they want to accept the risk. That was taken away from op (and you to some extent).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you do genetic testing before trying to conceive? I did and am carrier for multiple things which I can't even recall but had my husband test to see if he also was and he wasn't so it doesn't matter. If you cared about carrier genetics why wouldn't you both test

This. DH and I shared our 23 and me profiles before conceiving. If this was important to you, you should have brought it up. DH is a carrier for a couple recessive diseases. I’ll counsel my children to get genetic testing before conception as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he is a carrier with no complications and you are a eugenicist. Got it

Eugenics is an attempt to "improve" the population as a whole often through forced sterilization and other unethical means. An individual willingly choosing not to have children with a certain person for any given reason is not eugenics. Even if it was, an individual's choice would not be anyone else's business.

We all have free will and should have full control over our own reproductive systems. It is dangerous to demonize that and attempt to guilt trip people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he intentionally withhold it or did it just not come up, he didn't think about it until something made him think of it in the context of a conversation. Did he assume you knew as he has siblings / parents / family with sickle cell disease?

How does he know he is a carrier of the gene?
Is there sickle cell disease in his family? Did you ever discuss it?

OP here - His parents found out after routine newborn screening in the hospital after he was born. I'm not aware of any Sickle Cell disease in his family.

This isn't a routine newborn screening...so maybe he doesn't understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He probably didn’t think it was that big of a deal and he assumed you don’t have the trait. I have the trait and it has never affected my life, honestly I don’t think about it until I go to the doctor.

But, also IVF with PGT A runs at least 40K per cycle. I don't think the husband wants to spend 80K to screen for a recessive gene.