Childless Employer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are. You supposed to be at work at 8:30? I mean why are you telling your employer what you’re doing on your own time?

OP here. Yes- god question. My day starts at 7:30. I'm effectively taking an hour every other Tuesday and it is annoying him.

get your wife to help.

why is this so hard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, putting this on the fact that he's a gay man is kind of gross and does not make you look sympathetic at all.

Second, FMLA would cover this sort of thing *if you had filed for it.* Did you fill out the appropriate paperwork and file with HR?

I'm not saying your boss isn't being a jerk (and honestly that's an unprofessional email from him), but you are also not covering yourself in glory here by insinuating that his sexual orientation makes him less compassionate and by invoking an HR/legal process that it does not sound like you have actually activated.

It's pretty relevant, though. He'll never know the logistics this kind of thing takes. Not that she should have told him.

Gay people can and do have kids. His childlessness is relevant. Not his sexual orientation.

Only 5-10% of gay men have a child in their lifetimes.

Frankly, I have multiple gay male acquaintances who are vocally anti-child - “Eww gross” - and who don’t appreciate the constraints children place on your availability. Life as a gay man in a management position in a company is basically the 180 opposite of being a harried working parent. The guy was a complete dick for grilling OP about a morning medical appt.

+1000.

First job out of college was in publishing in DC. Manger was a gay man. Boss was a gay man. Owner was a lesbian. All childless. I was 22 so had no kids but I'm straight. I literally heard them mock "breeders" on a daily basis. This was in 2001, just before September 11th, but nowadays you could have sued the ever loving sh*t out of them for their behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are. You supposed to be at work at 8:30? I mean why are you telling your employer what you’re doing on your own time?

OP here. Yes- god question. My day starts at 7:30. I'm effectively taking an hour every other Tuesday and it is annoying him.

get your wife to help.

why is this so hard?

Why is reading so hard for you? The wife is on travel regularly.

[Anonymous]

Does he have pets or a cat? I find most childless LGBTQ relate to childcare issues if they have pets.

[Anonymous]

OP, I definitely understand your point but you have to also look at the situation from your supervisor’s perspective. Like all supervisors, your supervisor has standards that he has to meet. He can’t meet these standards if you’re out of the office when he needs you. I understand that you need flexibility. However, your supervisor needs predictability. It’s not a gay or straight thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She probably mentioned him being gay because it shields him from HR woes.
I had a coworker tell me when I was working in my 9th month "You look like a planet walking around here. Can't you start your leave early so we don't have to see you like this?" Someone who wasn't me complained and he told HR he was gay to get off the hook. (He told me this story himself!)

How does being gay shield him from anything in these scenarios? That makes zero sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you need to hire help.

Meanwhile, Ron, another gay employee, takes 1.5 hour lunches every Friday and not a word is said to him.

Now you’re trolling. You worry about you.

[Anonymous]

This just is bias against childfree people. Gay does not matter. What you are carping about is you think if the boss had kids or was a future breeder they would be more "understanding."

OP needs a work plan that has different hours every other week to care for child therapy needs. It should include how the work will be handled, if the time will be made up or covered by leave or unpaid. It should be posted in an email footer "my hours are x to y on m,w,th,f and a to b on tu"
This can be done cordially and then cleared with hr or hammered out in hr.
It should have been done long ago.
Predictability is what's needed. Stability. Not what is uncodified, people keep getting surprised by seemingly random late days.,and no your coworkers don't memorize your schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, putting this on the fact that he's a gay man is kind of gross and does not make you look sympathetic at all.

Second, FMLA would cover this sort of thing *if you had filed for it.* Did you fill out the appropriate paperwork and file with HR?

I'm not saying your boss isn't being a jerk (and honestly that's an unprofessional email from him), but you are also not covering yourself in glory here by insinuating that his sexual orientation makes him less compassionate and by invoking an HR/legal process that it does not sound like you have actually activated.

It's pretty relevant, though. He'll never know the logistics this kind of thing takes. Not that she should have told him.

Gay people can and do have kids. His childlessness is relevant. Not his sexual orientation.

Only 5-10% of gay men have a child in their lifetimes.

Frankly, I have multiple gay male acquaintances who are vocally anti-child - “Eww gross” - and who don’t appreciate the constraints children place on your availability. Life as a gay man in a management position in a company is basically the 180 opposite of being a harried working parent. The guy was a complete dick for grilling OP about a morning medical appt.

Once again, the issue is childlessness, not that he's gay. Gay and straight people do and don't have children. Gay and straight people are anti child. Gay and straight people love children. What you're doing is stereotyping.

The issue isn’t childlessness. I don’t have kids but I don’t give a shit if my reports come in a bit late due to childcare duties. As long as you get your work done, we’re good. OP’s manager is just a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, putting this on the fact that he's a gay man is kind of gross and does not make you look sympathetic at all.

Second, FMLA would cover this sort of thing *if you had filed for it.* Did you fill out the appropriate paperwork and file with HR?

I'm not saying your boss isn't being a jerk (and honestly that's an unprofessional email from him), but you are also not covering yourself in glory here by insinuating that his sexual orientation makes him less compassionate and by invoking an HR/legal process that it does not sound like you have actually activated.

It's pretty relevant, though. He'll never know the logistics this kind of thing takes. Not that she should have told him.

Gay people can and do have kids. His childlessness is relevant. Not his sexual orientation.

Only 5-10% of gay men have a child in their lifetimes.

Frankly, I have multiple gay male acquaintances who are vocally anti-child - “Eww gross” - and who don’t appreciate the constraints children place on your availability. Life as a gay man in a management position in a company is basically the 180 opposite of being a harried working parent. The guy was a complete dick for grilling OP about a morning medical appt.

Once again, the issue is childlessness, not that he's gay. Gay and straight people do and don't have children. Gay and straight people are anti child. Gay and straight people love children. What you're doing is stereotyping.

The issue isn’t childlessness. I don’t have kids but I don’t give a shit if my reports come in a bit late due to childcare duties. As long as you get your work done, we’re good. OP’s manager is just a jerk.

I agree. I don't have kids but would do anything to help my colleagues when they have emergencies. Their is something seriously wrong with a manager who does not understand a parent prioritizing healthcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, putting this on the fact that he's a gay man is kind of gross and does not make you look sympathetic at all.

Second, FMLA would cover this sort of thing *if you had filed for it.* Did you fill out the appropriate paperwork and file with HR?

I'm not saying your boss isn't being a jerk (and honestly that's an unprofessional email from him), but you are also not covering yourself in glory here by insinuating that his sexual orientation makes him less compassionate and by invoking an HR/legal process that it does not sound like you have actually activated.

It's pretty relevant, though. He'll never know the logistics this kind of thing takes. Not that she should have told him.

Gay people can and do have kids. His childlessness is relevant. Not his sexual orientation.

Only 5-10% of gay men have a child in their lifetimes.

Frankly, I have multiple gay male acquaintances who are vocally anti-child - “Eww gross” - and who don’t appreciate the constraints children place on your availability. Life as a gay man in a management position in a company is basically the 180 opposite of being a harried working parent. The guy was a complete dick for grilling OP about a morning medical appt.

Once again, the issue is childlessness, not that he's gay. Gay and straight people do and don't have children. Gay and straight people are anti child. Gay and straight people love children. What you're doing is stereotyping.

The issue isn’t childlessness. I don’t have kids but I don’t give a shit if my reports come in a bit late due to childcare duties. As long as you get your work done, we’re good. OP’s manager is just a jerk.

On the flip side, OP also sounds like a jerk, making negative generalizations about gay men and childless people.

[Anonymous]

OP does coming in late get in the way of doing your job? For example, are you missing key meetings or unable to be responsive to time sensitive requests? Did you talk to your manager about this and work with him to discuss how to make sure all necessary work gets done? I am a manager and work with staff who need flexibility to come in late for all kids of reasons (including just wanting to go to the gym in the morning without having to wake up at 6am) but I would expect that we would have a conversation about it.

Also if the PT goes until 8:30, what time are you actually starting work? I assume it is not 8:30...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you need to hire help.

Meanwhile, Ron, another gay employee, takes 1.5 hour lunches every Friday and not a word is said to him.

totally

[Anonymous]

Because Ron makes up the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, putting this on the fact that he's a gay man is kind of gross and does not make you look sympathetic at all.

Second, FMLA would cover this sort of thing *if you had filed for it.* Did you fill out the appropriate paperwork and file with HR?

I'm not saying your boss isn't being a jerk (and honestly that's an unprofessional email from him), but you are also not covering yourself in glory here by insinuating that his sexual orientation makes him less compassionate and by invoking an HR/legal process that it does not sound like you have actually activated.

It's pretty relevant, though. He'll never know the logistics this kind of thing takes. Not that she should have told him.

Gay people can and do have kids. His childlessness is relevant. Not his sexual orientation.

Only 5-10% of gay men have a child in their lifetimes.

Frankly, I have multiple gay male acquaintances who are vocally anti-child - “Eww gross” - and who don’t appreciate the constraints children place on your availability. Life as a gay man in a management position in a company is basically the 180 opposite of being a harried working parent. The guy was a complete dick for grilling OP about a morning medical appt.

Once again, the issue is childlessness, not that he's gay. Gay and straight people do and don't have children. Gay and straight people are anti child. Gay and straight people love children. What you're doing is stereotyping.

The issue isn’t childlessness. I don’t have kids but I don’t give a shit if my reports come in a bit late due to childcare duties. As long as you get your work done, we’re good. OP’s manager is just a jerk.

+10