Failure to launch what age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Failure to launch is a mindset, not a place or an age.

You can be in failure to launch, living in a parent-funded apartment, without a stable job or relationships, like my 30 year old nephew. He suffers from severe depression, anxiety and sleep apnea. His father subsidizes his lifestyle, and my nephew is with it enough to worry about his long-term future and tries to invest wisely (his father's allowance) to have a little income in decades to come. He also has a tiny disability income.

Or you can live like many 20 somethings in Europe, where I come from, in your parents' home, with a fulfilling job, soon to be married to a nice person, planning for kids and a normal future... but saving for a place of your own because the cost of living and real estate is too damn high. Italy in particular is very hard hit with a housing shortage. There are empty villages where no one wants to live, but all the cities are crammed to the gills and foreign investors are driving up market prices.

But at no point is failure to launch a reason to hold someone in contempt. No one wants to be that person. There are always reasons behind it, even though they may not be visible to you.

I think this is a sweeping statement that is not always true.

I have seen situations where the FTL kid is milking the situation and does not appear to have any interest in fixing the situation. Not everyone has a good heart, sadly. Some people are users. Not every FTL adult is actually trying -- some of them are making excuses and refusing to take responsibility for themselves and using their parents and their childhood home as an escape from the reality of life. And they are fine with it. I've seen it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has a job and living at home is NOT failure to launch. It is likely an affordability issue … do not blame the ridiculous cost of living on the adult kids.

If housing is too much, they have roommates like all the other twenty-somethings. The ones moving home are the exception, and their parents are their enablers.

Moving home enabled me to attend graduate school with minimal student loans. I graduated and lived with DH while he attended grad school while I worked FT. Launching takes many forms especially when someone does not have wealthy parents to provide financial assistance otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imho its unhealthy for young adults over 20 to be living in their childhood bedrooms.

Sometimes they move to the basement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Failure to launch is a mindset, not a place or an age.

You can be in failure to launch, living in a parent-funded apartment, without a stable job or relationships, like my 30 year old nephew. He suffers from severe depression, anxiety and sleep apnea. His father subsidizes his lifestyle, and my nephew is with it enough to worry about his long-term future and tries to invest wisely (his father's allowance) to have a little income in decades to come. He also has a tiny disability income.

Or you can live like many 20 somethings in Europe, where I come from, in your parents' home, with a fulfilling job, soon to be married to a nice person, planning for kids and a normal future... but saving for a place of your own because the cost of living and real estate is too damn high. Italy in particular is very hard hit with a housing shortage. There are empty villages where no one wants to live, but all the cities are crammed to the gills and foreign investors are driving up market prices.

But at no point is failure to launch a reason to hold someone in contempt. No one wants to be that person. There are always reasons behind it, even though they may not be visible to you.

I think this is a sweeping statement that is not always true.

I have seen situations where the FTL kid is milking the situation and does not appear to have any interest in fixing the situation. Not everyone has a good heart, sadly. Some people are users. Not every FTL adult is actually trying -- some of them are making excuses and refusing to take responsibility for themselves and using their parents and their childhood home as an escape from the reality of life. And they are fine with it. I've seen it.

YES!!! So true and at some point, when the FTL kid is old and blaming EVERYONE (the ex, the bank, the boss, the sibling, the kid who hit him in 3rd grade and my all time favorite the "THEY") for her problems, it is pathetic. If that same FTL kid, who managed to go to college & Ivy grad school with no loans, is laying blame to all and putting the onus of fixing her problems on the elderly parents, well, then it takes on another cast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Figuring things out: 19- 24.

Failure to launch: 25-30.

I disagree with this.

After investing half a million dollars in each of my kids' educations, they damn well better have it figured out by 24.

Okkkkk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Figuring things out: 19- 24.

Failure to launch: 25-30.

Dang 30! No way should it take that long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Figuring things out: 19- 24.

Failure to launch: 25-30.

I disagree with this.

After investing half a million dollars in each of my kids' educations, they damn well better have it figured out by 24.

Okkkkk

I actually agree with the PP. Parental expectation of success is a huge contributing factor of success …er…. Not being an FTL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless they've severe health issues, its rare for a young American to be living at home after 20 if they have had enough social, professional, logistical and financial skills to live independently.

This is not remotely true.

It is. Only people living at home after 20 are ones who can't physically, logistically, mentally or financially make it work. That doesn't mean they are doomed to failure but not able to launch like average young adult.

You are nuts.

At 20, most who plan to obtain a college degree are still in college, and only a tiny % of them are self supporting.

At 20, they are on college campus and by 22, in first job or grad school. Even ones with longest educational journey of medicine are usually entering residency by 25 and earning. Yes, some parents may subsidize lifestyle but not by keeping them in basement at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Figuring things out: 19- 24.

Failure to launch: 25-30.

I disagree with this.

After investing half a million dollars in each of my kids' educations, they damn well better have it figured out by 24.

Sounds foolish on your part.

[Anonymous]

How many of these parents are going to want their kid to move in with them again when they’re 80 and need help? That’s what the old-fashioned “failure to launch” maiden aunts did in my family. If we had more of them we wouldn’t need assisted living facilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Figuring things out: 19- 24.

Failure to launch: 25-30.

I do agree with what a lot of other posters have said thoughtfully about certain circumstances and scenarios, but this timeframe is my general thought too.

And I say this as someone who lived at home, paying rent and working fulltime, until I was 28. I really should have been encouraged to leave the nest earlier. I had the money for a place, I was just too comfortable and afraid to do it.

I have two kids in college and I’d really like them to be out and on their own by 25.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, finances and the current job/housing market are definitely skewing the picture of what used to qualify for FTL. My cousin is a total FTL. 40, college graduate, never had a job, ever. Lives alone in a terrific NYC apartment. Has basically been surfing the web fulltime from Lower Manhattan for since graduation. No hobbies, no philanthropy, no ... anything. 100% funded by my very wealthy aunt and uncle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many of these parents are going to want their kid to move in with them again when they’re 80 and need help? That’s what the old-fashioned “failure to launch” maiden aunts did in my family. If we had more of them we wouldn’t need assisted living facilities.

My brother did this and ended up inheriting the lion's share of my parents' estate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Figuring things out: 19- 24.

Failure to launch: 25-30.

I do agree with what a lot of other posters have said thoughtfully about certain circumstances and scenarios, but this timeframe is my general thought too.

And I say this as someone who lived at home, paying rent and working fulltime, until I was 28. I really should have been encouraged to leave the nest earlier. I had the money for a place, I was just too comfortable and afraid to do it.

I have two kids in college and I’d really like them to be out and on their own by 25.

It was a different time. COL has skyrocketed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many of these parents are going to want their kid to move in with them again when they’re 80 and need help? That’s what the old-fashioned “failure to launch” maiden aunts did in my family. If we had more of them we wouldn’t need assisted living facilities.

There is an FTL adult child in my family who has not paid his own rent in decades. The expectation now is that he will care for his mom, who is now in her 80s, going blind, and badly in need of regular care.

But because he's FTL, he's mad about this expectation and complains that his siblings, all of whom live at least a 5 hour drive away, have minor kids, and work full time, don't do enough. He is unemployed and lives in an apartment owned by his mother.

This is the problem with FTL kids. They do not want to contribute.