Divorce during first year of college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did it and am glad I did. One kid in college was shocked. Other kid expected it. The kid who was shocked ended up rethinking a lot of things but doesn't seem scarred. We all still do holidays together and are civil.

Why did you divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure it's hard, but the kid should be really thankful not to go through 50/50 custody BS. While they may feel untethered, at least they will have a choice of which parent to stay with, completely on their terms, instead of the misery of going back and forth while juggling HS life.

I don’t think custody matters in HS-they can still chose

Not unless you go to court. That is the worst kind of divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dont divorce. Just separate. Kids deserve married parents . Divorce is heartbreaking for kids. Dont be cruel

OMG stop. I am divorced. My kids have an infinitely better life than I did. They see us every day. My parents are still married in a horrible marriage. I see them once a year. I hated growing up with them fighting every single day. I also have almost no relationship with them and I am almost 50 years old. Their horrible toxic marriage was a terrible way to grow up and both my parents while married were bascially absentee parents and very selfish people. It is the parents...not marital status...that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP. To answer OP's actual question, my parents' divorced soon after I headed off to college. It sucked, of course, but I was super grateful I didn't have to deal with split custody or watching my parents post divorce dating lives in high school, like my younger sister who was still at home.

Agree that DH's at home siblings had it worse than DH who was removed from it (and never went back, btw - also not healthy). But, freshman year is brutal for some kids to begin with. I'd be darn sure my kids had already developed friends and a support network before dropping this emoitonal bomb. I have a freshman now and this would be a terrible time to get devastating news as he's slow to warm up, and while happy, does not have a support stystem there yet.

[Anonymous]

It wont be really a bomb as she had some idea before leaving..although i feel she has been in denial since college started as she hasnt asked

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg give me a break op your kid knows your marriage isn’t good

Get a divorce

+1
Gigs up OP.

You mean "The jig's up, OP." (I find snark is more effective if it's not illiterate.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did any of you go through divorce when one of your kids just went to college? And how did it go for them?

I am female and one of my male best friends parents did this. My friend never spoke to his father again, so, it did not go well. We are in our late 50s now, and they still don't speak/are not in touch (same for his sister).

[Anonymous]

My college roommate’s parents divorced freshman year and she was blindsided.
Her dad didn’t want to pay for college anymore and she had to drop out. I saw her a year later and she started doing drugs and got in with a bad crowd. I felt bad because she was so bright. That being said, I’m still planning on leaving DH when the kids hit college. I have abuse in my situation and both kids are aware. They’ve talked to me about waiting until they go to college so as not to disrupt their lives as much and I agree because I don’t want to share custody. I think they will handle it well since we’ve been talking about it for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure it's hard, but the kid should be really thankful not to go through 50/50 custody BS. While they may feel untethered, at least they will have a choice of which parent to stay with, completely on their terms, instead of the misery of going back and forth while juggling HS life.

Not all divorced parents do 50/50 custody. Some parents aren't interested in that.

I am not sure why they push this.

I can only believe that these custody “norms” are promoted by the lawyers— who don’t care about the nuances of your family. It can either be more time at Dads or Moms, IMO.

Wherever their teen-friends are!

[Anonymous]

Awful for my freshmen college roommate. It messed her she her brother (was a college jr at our school) up. They felt like their childhood was a lie. Stopped talking to their dad. I still remner witnessing their trauma/surprise when it was dropped on them while away at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Awful for my freshmen college roommate. It messed her she her brother (was a college jr at our school) up. They felt like their childhood was a lie. Stopped talking to their dad. I still remner witnessing their trauma/surprise when it was dropped on them while away at school.

Did they not see it coming though?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg give me a break op your kid knows your marriage isn’t good

Get a divorce

My parents divorced when I was in college, but about 2-3 years in. I assume that their marriage wasn't great before I left, but I had no clue. Whether that was because I was a self-absorbed teen, because I'm extremely slow to pick up on social cues (ask my wife), or because they hid it well and I had nothing to compare it to, I have no idea. But not all kids know the marriage isn't good. It depends on the marriage and the kid.

I guess it was better that they waited, but again I have nothing to compare it too and I'm not typical.

[Anonymous]

Dh’s parents divorced when he went to college. His younger brother was still in elementary.

DH is in his forties and BIL is in his late thirties and both of them still seem to have a lot of issues with their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awful for my freshmen college roommate. It messed her she her brother (was a college jr at our school) up. They felt like their childhood was a lie. Stopped talking to their dad. I still remner witnessing their trauma/surprise when it was dropped on them while away at school.

Did they not see it coming though?

No! Nobody did. Parents seemed happy, childhood great, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did it and am glad I did. One kid in college was shocked. Other kid expected it. The kid who was shocked ended up rethinking a lot of things but doesn't seem scarred. We all still do holidays together and are civil.

Why did you divorce?

My spouse had contempt for me, was not sexually attracted to me, and did not care about my happiness at all. Spouse didn't disagree with my reasons but spouse was surprised I left.